#freemanstrong

I don’t you. I just hate what you did.

My fondest memory of you is during our rapunzel play. You were one of the two princes and I was a piece of corn. I always stood right behind you. They told the princes to wave at the audience at the end but you being clever decided to point and stare at the other prince looking confused. The man looked at you and said: “Did I tell you to do that? No I told you to wave. But actually do that, it’s funny.” You were so proud. You came up to me after and said “That was pretty great huh?”

Another fond memory is at a football game. We were talking about sex and talking about witch friends we knew that had had sex. I started singing the bible’s loophole. All of the people joined in around us. You came up to me and said “One time my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the butt, but I said no and just used a condom.” I chased you around for five or ten minutes. Afterwards we hugged it out and laughed it off.

The day you decided to shoot up my school, I was thinking as I got on the bus: “***** sits all by himself in history, I’m going to sit by him today.” All I can think to myself is if I would have asked you to sit by me earlier maybe you wouldn’t have shot him.

My friend saw you do everything. She saw you pull out your gun. She saw you load it but it jammed. She saw him walk up to you and you shot him twice. They saw their friend get shot. And even though you tried to break her you didn’t. She stayed there with their friend and prayed after everyone had left. But you broke the girl you shot, she can’t even look at our friend without associating her to that horrible day. You were friends with her during the plays, do you remember?

I considered you a good friend. In 7th and 8th grade we talked a lot but after 9th grade we stopped. In plays we talked everyday, and during school we talked 4 or 5 times a week. For a while in 7th grade I even had a crush on you.

5th through 9th grade you were my acting inspiration. I wanted to be as good as acting as you were, well are. I’m not sure if you can really act in plays in juvy.

I really want to hate you. I do. When I go through and watch the plays we were in, or relieve my memories of you I just can’t. I don’t know why because you’re a fucking dumb shit who doesn’t deserve my liking but I just can’t hate you. I’m sorry.