#frederickanderson

He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten her appointment. Just a little over a week ago he’d been sitting across from her as she told him her feared news and then he promised to go with her to her appointment at Planned Parenthood with her before she fell asleep crying in his arms. He was terrified, so he could only imagine how scared she must’ve been– especially when he hadn’t shown up.

God, he hated himself for forgetting. For letting the presence of the Blues players and Coach himself distract him from being able to support her at a time when she no doubtedly needed him most. But he couldn’t help it– the opportunity to workout with current NHL players was there for the taking. And sure he’d done it before since his Dad is who he is, but this was different, so much different. Because he was only a year out from the draft himself. He could practically see himself skating on the ice for his first NHL game.

Which is why he felt so guilty for letting Caroline go alone, even though she said she hadn’t. She might’ve brought Heather into the building and room with her, but Matt was the one she wanted there– she needed there. And he knew it.

After their phone call, Matt kept thinking about it– how he had broken his promise to her about showing up. He’d always been able to keep his promises to her, even all the way in Ann Arbor. He’d promised to go to Junior prom with her, and while Caroline laughed it off, thinking that he was joking...he was buying a plane ticket home.

He tried to keep his focus on working out on the ice with everyone, but the other half of his focus was on Caroline. And how, even though she said it was okay that he forgot and wasn’t there...he knew it wasn’t. So, while taking passes from NHL players, he was thinking about how he could make it up to her. She said she was tired, that she didn’t want to stay up and watch the new episode of 20/20, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have his Dad stop somewhere on the way home so he could grab her a milkshake or some of her favorite ice cream as an ‘I’m sorry, please don’t hate me, I love you’ apology gift.

And he did, he bought her a little chocolate mousse cake he knew that she liked. When he went home, he quickly showered and opted out of dinner, telling his parents he was going over to Caroline’s house. Only when he went over and knocked on the door...it was her Mom that answered. And when he asked if he could see Caroline, she had told him that she wasn’t home, but he could check down the block at Aunt Clara’s rental since she was doing some cleaning and yard work before the new renters were set to move in.

That was weird...when he asked if he could come over to watch 20/20, she said not today and pretty much insinuated that she was too tired and was probably just going to go to bed. Yet...had she gone over to help Aunt Clara with her yard work and house cleaning? Nonetheless, he made his way down the block and knocked on the front door to Aunt Clara’s home. She looked surprised to see him when she answered the door, almost nervous. Which made him nervous.

“Mrs. Susan said Care wasn’t home and to come check over here since you’re in town...can I see her please?” He asked, holding the thawing chocolate mousse container in his hands.

He could see the hesitance in her eyes when she opened her mouth to speak, and for a split second he contemplated cutting her off and asking what was going on and why Caroline was avoiding him. But he didn’t, because Aunt Clara stepped aside, letting him into the house.

“She’s in the master bedroom.” She nodded, closing the door once he walked into the fully furnished house. She led him down the hallway, stopping just before the first guest bedroom and looking at him, a solemn expression on her face. “You two need to talk and I need you to listen to her, okay?”

“Okay...why?” Matt asked, unsure what to make of her ominous warning. Had she known about where Caroline went today? If there was anyone Caroline had told besides him and Heather...it would be Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara was like her older sister.

“Just...listen to her. Don’t jump to conclusions, don’t get into that on-ice mindset...just listen.” She said, nodding him down the hall.

He walked towards the master bedroom, looking back at Aunt Clara again as she walked out into the living room, before knocking on the bedroom door.

“I’m fine, Aunt Clara.” Caroline spoke, sounding anything but fine.

Matt opened the door slowly, peeking his head in to see Caroline lying down in the bed beneath the sheet and comforter, her back facing him. Aunt Clara, whenever she was in town and cleaning up the house, always stayed here herself since it was cheaper and right down the block from her family. So it wasn’t a surprise that Caroline was so comfortable lying beneath the fresh sheets and blanket.

He slid into the room through the cracked open door, shutting it behind him as he walked towards the bed. “Care?”

She froze, her shoulders stopping mid breath as he moved closer to the bed, yet she still kept her back to him. “I’m tired, Matty.”

“I know...I just wanted to bring you something, but your Mom said you might be down here and Aunt Clara let me in,” he placed the plastic container down on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed, turning towards her. “She said that we needed to talk...but I–I’m not sure what about, Care.”

He keeps his eyes on her, she still hasn’t rolled over to look at him or even moved in general. He heard her start to sniffle and he crawled over to her, holding himself up on his left elbow as he laid behind her, resting his right hand on her arm. “I-I’m sorry.” She sniffled again, wiping at her face with her hands.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, rubbing her arm. “I’m so confused right now, between Aunt Clara and you, I...I don’t know what to think. What’s going on?”

“I lied to you...earlier on the phone. I told you I–” She took a deep, shaky breath and then exhaled, keeping her back to him still. “Matt...I’m pregnant, the test was positive.”

He sat back, rolling off of his side as his hand fell from her arm as it was as if his last breath had been sucked right out of him. “W-What? But you said–”

“I lied,” she replied, speaking softly. “I lied because I–I…” she let out a shaky breath again, and then another sniffle.

“Caroline, bab–” he paused, swallowing back the rest of the word ‘baby’ because he didn’t want to say it, he didn’t even want to think about it. “Please roll over….”

Pregnant. She was pregnant. They were 17 and going to be parents to another human being...a baby.

After wiping at her face again, Caroline rolled over onto her right side, resting her arms up by her head as she looked at him. He could tell she’d been crying for God knows how long. Her eyes were swollen and red, the tip of her nose and her cheeks were red as well. Not to mention the dried streaks old tears had left behind.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Care?” He asked, crawling beneath the sheets and comforter before sinking down into the mattress and draping his left arm over her, pulling her into his side. “Why did you tell me the test was negative?”

“Because I...I’m not keeping it,” she whispered, her bottom lip quivering as she looked up at him. “And I didn’t want you to stay behind and be late going up to Ontario.”

He wasn’t sure how to feel, hearing her make that decision without him. Sure, he would’ve done whatever she wanted to do, because it is her body, but it was also half of his baby...and he wasn’t sure how he felt about not being able to grieve that loss if she had done it without him. But more importantly...he didn’t want her to go through that alone.

No one should ever have to go through that alone or make that decision alone. Not at seventeen, not ever.

“I wouldn’t have been mad,” he whispered, his left thumb brushing against her shoulder. “If you would’ve told me you were pregnant on the phone. I want to be with you Care, every step of the way, no matter what you decide you want to do. You just have to be honest with me.”

She nodded, pressing her head further into his chest. “I ran out of my appointment,” she sniffled, brushing her hand up beneath his shirt and rubbing her left thumb against his torso. “The doctor came in, said I was pregnant and it was like I blacked out. She started talking about options and wanting to do an ultrasound to see how far along I was and I...I just ran out.”

He wrapped his right arm around her, rolling her on top of him, his right hand brushing up her shirt as his thumb brushed against the small of her back. “I’m sorry for forgetting,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “I never wanted you to go alone...you shouldn’t have had to do that alone.”

She slid both of her arms underneath his back, wrapping him in a hug as she pressed her right ear against his chest, easily hearing his heartbeat. “I was so scared,” she whimpered, tears burning in her eyes. “There were protesters on the street a-and I had to get escorted in and–”

“Did any of them say anything to you?” He asked, his voice stern as he looked towards her for a reaction.

“No, no...they were outside the property. So if they were yelling at me, I wasn’t sure...there were multiple people being escorted.” She replied, turning towards him and resting her chin on his chest. “And being in that room...filling out the paperwork, answering all of their questions and ugh, even peeing in the cup...I just, I felt…”

“I’m sorry,” he frowned, squeezing her lightly. “I’m so fucking sorry, Caroline. I should’ve been there and I’m so mad at myself for forgetting about it.”

“It’s okay, Matty,” she whispered, her hazel eyes brimmed with tears. “It’s your future, I understand.”

He opened his mouth to speak, to oppose her self-made excuse for him...but he couldn’t. Because it is his future. A future he’s dreamed about since before he could even remember. A future that he always planned on sharing with her. And depending on how their current situation plays out...a future that could mean the absolute difference in their lives in terms of support.

“I have to go back,” she said, bringing her left arm up from beneath him and wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. “I have to have an ultrasound so they can figure out how far along I am and...and what options I have.”

He nodded, bringing his right hand out from beneath her shirt and cupping the right side of her face, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Okay, I’ll be there. Hell, we can even spend the night here or something, that way you know I’ll be there. I’ll drive.”

She laughed, her lips quivering again as she nodded, tears brimming in her eyes once more. “I’d love that...please.”

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, his thumb brushing away a falling tear. “I’ll be right there with you.”

He leaned his head forward and kissed her before letting his head rest back into the pillow, his hand brushing through her hair as she rested her head on his chest. With her head resting against his chest, he knew he was out of her eyesight and the calm demeanor he’d managed to keep on his face, quickly fell. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose would scrunch and his lips twitched, all in an attempt to stop himself from letting that burning feeling in his eyes win.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t just seen their dreams and futures going down the drain, he totally did. How the hell were they supposed to raise and parent a baby when they were only seventeen? The two had just gotten grounded not too long ago when they were at the beach house in Florida because they failed to come back at curfew, too busy sitting out on the beach alternating between making out and staring up at the night sky, talking about the future.

A future where he’d be off in his rookie year in the NHL, hopefully close by to her at Boston, where she’d be playing field hockey for the next four years and working on her Bachelors. And in the summers, they’d fly back home together and spend those months together and with their families before jetsetting back to Boston in the fall. And not that she knew this part, but by graduation, he hoped to have saved enough money to buy her an engagement ring worthy of her and that showed just how important she was to him. She’d go to grad school and when she finished, they’d get married that offseason and who knows, maybe start a family soon after like his parents had done.

It was his six, almost seven year plan.