#freakythoughts

I came up with the idea to write down a list of reasons why I'm so much better when my orgasms are controlled (or denied) and what it means to me, so without further ado, here it is

10 reasons why my pleasure should not belong to me:

Deep down I know it just does not feel right otherwise

It is selfish to only think of my own pleasure

Pleasure should be earned and feel like a reward for it to be valuable

It is too stressful to make all decisions on my own

Letting go of control over my pleasure helps builds trust

Letting go of control over my pleasure makes others feel good, which is really important

Even the thought of not being in control makes me aroused and makes me ache, which means my body knows it is what it actually needs

I exercise obedience through letting go of control and it helps me be on the right track

I am more submissive and more in tune with myself when I am not in control

What started as mere curiosity, a little bit of a challenge, some pretty harmless play, a day or two here and there, ended up taking me places, heights and lenghts I never thought I'd reach, more than six years of exploring this particular kink later

I always felt like I was wired a bit differently, struggling to reach the peak of the pleasure and tip over, and even when I managed to, it was never ever enough to fully satisfy me

So, what's even the actual point of me having orgasms then?

Denial feels like a truth I always come back to, a place where I belong, a place where I get to be the best version of myself I can be, a place I yearn for but am also slightly scared of

I need it, I need my pleasure to be fully out of my control, I need to give in and let go, I need to edge, I need to be wet and drippy, I need the ache to really feel alive, I need my thoughts to be quiet, I need my mind to be more empty, I need to please and obey

I don't need to cum again 🩷

Just like that, I find myself at the beginning of a new denial journey, without knowing where it might take me this time around, both fearing to live out the fantasy that has been rooted in me for as long as my body can remember and excited to finally be taking steps in that direction