#freaking what

the celebration will be up on wednesday!

LA Teachers after I send them the best email of my life that I put my tears into to make sure it was good enough for their high standards: K fine. 

I just wanna wear a badass black leather superhero outfit like Scarlett Johansson and straighten my hair and powerwalk away from explosions and I wanna laugh until I cry at myself and my attempt at making freaking avacado eggs (lol what was I thinking) and I wanna play my ukulele until 6am (oh wait I did that) and I wanna laugh and sing and wear my new yellow sundress with my cowgirl boots and dance in the rain and I wanna go to Mass and recieve Jesus and just laugh because honestly He gives me EVERYTHING and I can't even pretend to understand how good He freaking is to me and I wanna drink water with lemon because I'm fancy as anything and I wanna hug people and live my life so upside down with joy that people think I'm high on something and I wanna be the best Kerrianne Rose Frances Samson that I can possibly be and I want to be ALIVE with every physical particle that I am composed of and with every inch of my awkwardly-tan-lined skin I want to be a screaming example to the world of what it looks like to be so filled with hope you almost explode. THIS is what I want and so much more. I think that's it actually: I want more. I want more than this world has to offer me. I want more than I've ever asked of myself before. I want more and more and more love, the kind that is the Holy Spirit's presence in everything I am. I want more sacrifice. I want to be more of a warrior, a strong, focused, intentional woman who has her eyes fixed on Heaven and consideres nothing else important except attaining that ultimate freedom. I am a freedom fighter. I am a giggly, silly childlike woman buddled up in 5 feet 6 and a half inches of skin and bones and muscle and fat and every one of those inches praises God in this moment for who I have the opportunity to be. I am happy, no, actually what I am goes so much deeper than happiness. Because I have this hope even when I am frustrated, angry, sad, confused, overwhelmed and defeated. This is deeper than any human emotion and stronger than anything I've ever known. This is what I was created for and knowing who and Whose I am makes me fierce. It makes me purpose-driven and I am completely, wildly, astonishingly in love. I just wanna play Fight Song and run forever. (Just kidding I hate running) But real talk, this is amazing.

I felt so crazy unsafe today and so suicidal and like my head had been taken over and just awful but I used no. negative. coping mechanisms. None. Not one negative thing. This is victory. And this is real life. This is so incredible