#freakgene

“what does the letter say, hee?” sunghoon asked.

they were all gathered at heeseung’s place. it felt strange that you hadn’t answered any calls or texts.

they were worried.

everyone had noticed the change in you. everyone except heeseung.

he had never paid enough attention. but someone always did.

someone who noticed every little thing about you. someone who remembered the smallest details. someone who was genuinely worried.

that someone was park sunghoon

you and sunghoon were good friends. you didn’t hang out alone much, but that didn’t stop him from falling for you.

it started years ago, back in high school. the moment he saw you, he was already gone.

your beauty caught his attention, but it wasn’t just that. it was your kindness. the way you cared for others before yourself. the way you always knew what to say, what to do.

you were everything someone could ever want.

sunghoon never told anyone how he felt. he was scared it would ruin everything. and deep down, he knew you didn’t feel the same. he got his confirmation months ago. when he saw the way you looked at heeseung.

you looked at him like he was your whole world. like you would give up everything just to stay by his side.

sunghoon tried to push his feelings away. he really did. but seeing you every day only made it worse.

“what does it say, bro? speak up,” riki said impatiently.

heeseung had already read the letter five times. but he still couldn’t speak.

guilt sat heavy in his chest.

he felt guilty for not noticing. guilty for letting it get this far.

he wasn’t a bad person.

he never meant to hurt you.

he just… didn’t see it.

he had feelings for you too, in his own way. but they scared him. and when minjeong joined the group, he saw an escape.

she was kind, easy, new. it felt simpler to be with her than to face what he felt for you.

so he tried to let you go. but like you said, he always came back.

at 3:17 a.m.

“she’s gone,” heeseung whispered.

“what do you mean she’s gone?” jay asked, confused. “who?”

“yn.” he paused. “she left.”

sunghoon quickly took the letter from his hands, reading it.

when he finished, he let out a bitter laugh.

“you’re such an asshole, heeseung.”

he stood up, grabbing him by the collar.

“this is all your fault.”

“you clueless, stupid asshole.”

the others rushed in, pulling them apart.

“i’m sorry,” heeseung said quietly, unable to meet sunghoon’s eyes.

the guilt was already consuming him.

“you never noticed how she felt,” sunghoon shouted.

“she was falling apart right in front of you.”

“and it’s because of you.”

he spat the words out like they burned.

“i hope her name haunts you forever, heeseung.”

5 years later

you meant what you said.

you moved to seoul.

hours away from your hometown and where everyone else was.

you finally got your life together.

you changed your number. your socials. everything. you deleted all pictures you had of your past life.

and you were doing so much better.

you were 5 years sober off drugs and alcohol.

you finished college, even your master’s, and built a stable life.

you made new friends. they weren’t the same, but they cared for you. and that was enough.

heeseung became a distant memory. something tucked away in the back of your mind.

you were on your way to your favorite café, headphones in, when you bumped into someone.

“yn?”

you looked up, only to be met with someone you'd thought you'd never see again.

“sunghoon?”

“oh my god, it’s really you.”

he pulled you into a tight hug.

you hesitated for a second, then hugged him back, smiling softly.

sunghoon was always a good friend to you. he took care of you, when you were high or drunk. always took you home. protected you from others.

he was the perfect guy.

“i missed you so much, yn,” he said into your shoulder.

“i missed you too, sunghoon,” you said, rubbing his back, feeling your eyes start to tear up.

you were sad that you had to let everyone back, just because of heeseung.

but that was the only way you could properly restart your life.

you two slowly backed up from the hug. “how’ve you been?” you asked.

“uh, i’ve been good. i moved here a couple months ago for a job. i never thought i’d see you here, yn.” he looked at you with worried eyes. “we were all so worried about you, yn.”

you looked down, smiling slightly. “i’m sorry.” that’s all you could say.

“don’t apologize. it wasn’t your fault.” he paused. “how have you been?”

“i’m doing very good, honestly. i finished college, got a job. i’ve been sober for 5 years too.” you smiled.

“i’m so proud of you, yn. you look much better too. don’t get me wrong, you were always beautiful, but you have this…” he paused, thinking for the right words.

“this new, fresh presence to you.”

you smiled at him. “thank you, sunghoon, it means a lot.”

“you wanna go grab a coffee and catch up?” he nodded, and you two walked together to your favorite café.

you and sunghoon talked about almost everything.

how life was when you left. how the boys were doing.

sunghoon said he’s still friends with all the boys, but he kind of fell off with heeseung. you didn’t really ask why.

he said that the group’s friendship with minjeong didn’t last long and they slowly fell apart.

that made you feel bad in a way. she was genuinely a good girl.

as months went by you and sunghoon only got closer.

and slowly you started catching feelings for him. it felt weird at first, as you hadn’t ever had feelings for a guy except for heeseung.

in the 5 years, you hadn’t even talked to a guy that way.

you knew sunghoon would treat you right. you knew he wouldn’t let you break like heeseung did.

so when the day came when he asked you to be his girlfriend, you immediately said yes.

he did it so beautifully.

he picked you up from your apartment. drove to a quiet area where he had set up a picnic for you two.

the scenery was beautiful.

when everything went quiet, he pulled out a cute teddy bear holding a sign saying, “may i be your boyfriend?”

it was so beautiful and cute, you immediately teared up.

you had never experienced something like this before.

you felt so loved with sunghoon. you were so glad to have met him again.

you loved him so much. you never thought you could love anyone again. but sunghoon made it so easy.

today, you were walking to your favorite café to meet up with sunghoon. or now your and sunghoon’s favorite café.

and as you were walking, you bumped into someone.

and like it had happened with sunghoon, when you looked up you were met with a face you thought you’d never see again.

heeseung.

“yn?” he asked with wide eyes.

“heeseung?” you looked at him, confused.

the situation was giving you crazy déjà vu.

“i…” he paused. “i missed you.”

you smiled politely. you didn’t hold a grudge against heeseung. you couldn’t blame him for not returning your feelings.

“i never thought i’d see you again.” you could see he was nervous.

“well… here we are.” you shrugged, chuckling.

“i’m sorry.”

your smile faltered for a second.

“it’s okay, seriously. it happened a long time ago, i’m way over it now.” those words stung heeseung.

on one hand, he was happy you moved on. on the other, he was devastated he missed his only chance with you.

“baby!” you turned around to see sunghoon.

sunghoon walked toward you, slipping his hand into yours.

“heeseung?” he looked at heeseung, shocked.

the two boys hadn’t talked in over a year.

“hey, sunghoon.” heeseung said with a slight smile.

“are you two together?” he said, pointing at you two.

“yeah, for about 5 months now.” you smiled, leaning into sunghoon.

heeseung smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “i’m happy for you.”

he patted your and sunghoons arms awkwardly.

“i’ll see you guys around, yeah?” you two nodded and parted ways with heeseung.

heeseung didn’t stop walking till he vision blurred.

tears fell quietly.

only after you left did he notice how much he really cared for you.

how much he really loved you.

and he regretted not treating you better. he regretted not giving in to his feelings.

the guilt ate him up every day.

and your memory haunted him. he knows it will forever.

because he knows he will never meet a girl like you again.

heeseung had written a letter to you 3 years ago, that he never had the chance to give to you.

dear yn,

i don’t even know where to start. i’ve rewritten this so many times, but nothing ever feels right. maybe because there isn’t a right way to say any of this.

it’s been three years since you left. and somehow, it still feels like yesterday.

sunghoon hated me for a long time. maybe he still does. i can’t blame him. i hate myself too.

everyone else tried to comfort me. they said i didn’t know, that i couldn’t have done anything. but that’s not true.

i did know.

maybe not in the way i should have, but i saw you changing. i saw you getting quieter, pulling away, hurting. and i chose to ignore it.

that’s what i can’t forgive myself for.

i keep thinking about all the moments i missed. all the times you needed me, and i wasn’t there the way i should have been.

i loved you. i just didn’t understand it back then.

i was scared of what it meant, scared of ruining what we had, scared of feeling something that deep.

so i ran from it.

and in the process, i lost you completely.

you always deserved more than what i gave you.

more than late nights and empty promises.

more than someone who only showed up when it was convenient.

you deserved someone who chose you in the daylight too.

i think about you more than i’d like to admit.

your laugh, the way you looked at me, the way you cared about everyone so easily.

i remember everything now.

and it hurts, knowing i didn’t appreciate it when i had the chance.

in your letter, you told me to forget you.

but i could never forget you, yn.

you’re everywhere, in the smallest things, in the quiet moments, in the spaces where you used to be.

i don’t know where you are, or how you’re doing.

but i hope you’re happy.

i hope you found someone who treats you the way you always deserved.

someone who doesn’t hesitate.

someone better than me.

and i hope, more than anything, that you don’t think about me anymore.

i’m sorry, yn. for everything.

i love you.

yours always,

heeseung