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Alright alright I gotta do this because I put off playing this game for nearly two years and finally binged it yesterday. SO, obviously, spoilers ((FOR ALL FIVE EPISODES)) will be discussed and I highly recommend watching or playing the game first (price tag is a little steep) if you want to experience it firsthand. I also wanna say: this is just my opinion! If you didn't care for the game, that's fine! Just be respectful please :)
Continuing under the cut!
I'll give you a TLDR right up front in case you don't feel like reading this: It was okay. It's not a stellar game, but it's far less egregious than people were saying. I'd say it's probably my least favorite game in the series, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it.
CHARACTERS:
ANU: First of three player characters you're introduced to, and I thought she was really charming in that awkward nerd sort of way. I think it was interesting to have a character so vehemently opposed to killing as a Borderlands protagonist, but I liked what they did with that aspect of her character. I will be honest that I was a bit unsure how to feel about the whole "shard possession" plot point, especially when Anu is in the coma, but I think seeing her try to reevaluate herself as a person while in that coma was an interesting way to tackle subjects like regretting the past, and wishing you'd said something else. I did choose to reject the shard at the end, and I also got the ending where everyone lived, and I think that's a really good way to wrap up Anu's story.
OCTAVIO: I'll level with you guys. Way back when I saw the trailer for New Tales, I already didn't care for Octavio. My assumption was that he was going to be your typical dumb, annoying "comic relief" character. And, I mean, he kind of is? But he does have more than that. He's a genuinely sweet guy who's trying his best, and the jokes they made with him did make me laugh occasionally, but sometimes I got secondhand embarrassment from listening to him. (I have to point out that I get that with all the Borderlands games at certain points, so I really can't put this as a point against Octavio). I thought the ways he found solutions to situations were interesting (the whole "holding the talking gun to his head because Coldwell wanted him alive" was a really funny and creative bit imo), but then sometimes they'd have him be like... too stupid??? (Spending their money on the exact place they left felt... interestingly dumb LOL) Overall I didn't nearly dislike him as much as I expected to, and seeing the sibling bond between him and Anu mend over time was sweet.
FRAN: Okay. Alright folks. I'll be honest. When I first started the game? I wasn't a fan. The anger controlling stuff was interesting (I managed to not squish the sponsor-bot early on in the game), but I just didn't get a great vibe from Fran? She's extremely flirty in-game with a ton of characters and it kind of just gave me whiplash. I got used to it as the game went on but I was often squinting at my screen like "huh?" I thought her hoverchair was pretty sweet though--super interesting way for her to fight, as well as using the Pre-Sequel cryo+melee damage combo! I will say, she grew on me as I played, but the time when I really started to like her was with her backstory reveal. In episode 4, they explain why she doesn't use the "crazy mode" on her hoverchair anymore (after kind of alluding to it all game) and it was surprisingly heartfelt to hear this strong woman bare her trauma like that. (P.S. the 8-bit section was so cool I will die on this hill). Anyway, I think Fran is pretty cool in my book even if some of her dialogue did make me double-take.
L0U13: L0U13!!!! I LOVED HIM!!!!! L0U13 was a really cool character on many levels. Firstly, he's a robot and I love robot characters. Secondly, the whole idea of an "assassination bot" makes perfect sense in the Borderlands series, though I was perplexed by the caveat of him having to hear the victim's name first. I still thought it was a really interesting plot point, though! I loved how he became closer and closer to the team as the game went on, and you know when I had the opportunity I said he was part of the team. Also may have cried when he died on the Tediore ship. (Though I got the ending where he's rebuilt and I popped off so hard when he appeared). Overall I love L0U13 and he needs to appear in future games.
SUSAN: Hoo boy. Oh man. Susan... I liked her a lot as an antagonist. Overall, she is a pretty standard corporate baddie (iirc I read she was designed as a polar opposite of Wainwright, I.E. she doesn't care about commoners or the poor) but when her plan was revealed, I was shocked. The idea that you could not only kill someone but then revive them and repeat the process over and over until their spirit is broken resonated with me. I was like "oh shit this is BAD." Needless to say I was definitely not expecting when she basically GLASSED PROMETHEA WITH THE DEATH RAY. But overall, I think she was a good antagonist and it felt so good having Fran punch the shit out of her.
SIDE CHARACTERS
PHUONG: I really liked her!! She was cute and funny and WHAT HAPPENED TO HER WHY DIDN'T THEY BRING HER BACK AAAAAA
BADASS SUPERFAN: Hilarious. Genuinely smiled every time he showed up. I really enjoyed the Vaultlander stuff and I thought him just showing up in random places was peak Borderlands humor. Fantastic, 10/10.
BROCK: Another banger (get it? Because he's a gun. He's a g) of a character. Talking guns always have potential in the franchise and I think they knocked it out of the park with this little shooting-crazed guy. When Octavio was in prison and he was like "STOP BEING DEPRESSED" I laughed pretty hard.
STAPLEFACE: GOD I LOVED STAPLEFACE!!!!! SHE'S SO SILLY AND SHE JUST WANTED TO PROTECT THE PRETTY LADY WHY COULDN'T ANU HEAL HER WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
The Elephant in the room
Okay so the healing crystal. Obviously pretty big implications for being to revive people but at the end of my playthrough, it kind of just fucked off into space. And I think they should leave it like that! I think this kind of power was okay for a one-off story, but I think it risks making the events of the series as a whole inconsequential. As much as I love Roland, I wouldn't want to see him revived. That moment in BL2 was so visceral and powerful that it made you want to kill Jack even more, so to have him revived would kind of ruin that, for me at least. Idk. I think they should leave the crystal out of future installments.
CONCLUSION:
I'm probably forgetting some stuff to write about the game because I was up super late playing it and thinking about it but I'll reiterate that it was nowhere near as bad as it was made out to be. Definitely the worst in the series, definitely a mediocre game overall, but there were some really good plot points and funny scenes. If you don't want to drop the money on it, I'd suggest watching a playthrough if you want to. No pressure! I just think it's interesting as a game.
