Rats: Night of Terror Review
Baryonyx before two cups of coffee
I don't think it's recognized often enough just how precarious man's position should be on this planet. Other animals are stronger or faster, with built in weapons or super senses that we can't compete with. Man's one advantage is brainpower, but even that has its plethora of disadvantages. It takes a long time to develop fully, and our live birth process is as dangerous as it gets, with massive heads being birthed every time we decide to have a kid. The biggest disadvantage, though, is that we had the brainpower to invent motion picture cameras and to make them cheap enough that even Bruno Mattei gets to use them.
And while Mattei may not be the best director going, all bets were off when Claudio Fragasso got involved. Fragasso was possibly the worst screenwriter in Italy at a time when there was no shortage of poor screenwriters. These two would join forces a number of times, never once creating anything approaching a decent film- the best known example may be Zombi 3, but that was just the latest of their disastrous partnership. Four years earlier, then, we got a prime example of what the two were capable of with Rats: Night of Terror. Now, "capable" is not the best choice of word, because it implies "capability," but the English language is imperfect.
Beatrice Film? What is a Beatrice Film?
And while capable might not fill our needs, "imperfect" doesn't, either, because it's not nearly strong enough to describe the carnage Mattei and Fragasso subject us to for 96 minutes. And yes, Fragasso is as much to blame as anyone here, because the story is possibly the worst one I've ever heard of for a film about people getting killed by mutant rats. It aims to be a moral tale- a nuclear war happened, man went underground, and some broke away to live on the surface with motorcycles and 'trendy' leather jackets. 225 years have passed, and man is still raiding random homes and eating sugar on the surface, apparently, and the ones up there barely know what the underground ones are up to. My guess is Fragasso is trying to say things like "see? Even after a war they can't get along!" but this movie is about killer fucking rats, not world peace. Sorry Claudio.
Anyway, they find some rats in the place they're raiding this time, and also a computer that they threaten to "kick in the balls." I don't know. Somehow they flip a switch, rats get angry, and the carnage begins. And by carnage, I mean "clearly stagehands throwing rats at actors." I hypothesized that there must be buckets of rats, because there seem to be too many thrown at once to hold comfortably without some type of aid. That's the sort of thing you find yourself thinking of during Rats: The Night of Terror.
Our heroes, stylistically, look like Europeans in 1984.
The characters are basically cardboard cutouts of ideas- there's one guy who meditates, has a weird shape carved onto his forehead, and has read books. Another is a wanna-be leader and wears a military outfit. You can see where this is going. Anyway, we learn bits and pieces of, uh, story, throughout the movie. Rats have evolved to become maneaters and hunters. Never mind that there needs to be tons of them to overwhelm a human, that they must have enough food to support such a large population, and that I'm pretty sure the rats would have no chance of killing a human if they simply stayed in open areas. Fortunately, the humans keep going into small hallways for no real reason. And still there is not enough for us to fear.
Fortunately, Fragasso is ready to ensure that we know just how scary rats are, by writing an incredible explanation into the script: "Look at their teeth! Think of the diseases they can give you!" the leader of the group begins, trying to terrify the audience. Fearing that perhaps the description is not specific enough, Fragasso has him literally list the diseases rats can carry. "Meningitis! Hepatitis! The plague!" the character cries in fear. Yeah.
Think of the drops in land values! Your gardens!
I don't want to just put the blame on Fragasso, although let's face it, I primarily blame him. Mattei's camera is just as poor, catching rats being flung at actors from offscreen in every possible scene, and in one amazing sequence, showing rats approaching humans on what clearly is some sort of conveyor belt with the outline shapes of rats pasted on. No, really! This happens in a movie! Like, a real one! By the time the ending of the movie comes around- a real gonzo stinger, by the way- we're too busy laughing to be scared of the mutant vermin in question.
The storyline could also benefit with more streamlining (less Fragasso) as well. There is a subplot of a mutiny in the film that could, theoretically, work in a movie that wasn't Rats: Night of Terror, if it were in the hands of a capable director. Why do we care about mutinies? This is a movie about rats! Rats eating people! There's no interest in the political structure of Earth post apocalypse here, because there is no possible credibility- you determined that the moment you based a film on rats eating people. Focus is needed here. Stick to what you have, execute it well, and create something memorable. In a strange way, they succeeded- I sure won't forget this one- but not for the right reasons. This film sucks and is laughable at almost every possible turn. Every time there's a turn to try and show something about life in the future- people having sex while in the room with others, for instance- it's destroyed by the fact that everyone is dressed like it's 1984. God. Fragasso and Mattei. The two statements are mutually exclusive.
Allegedly, these are guinea pigs, but I'll let them have this one.
The ending of this film is so amazing that I don't want to spoil it for you, but I also have to allow for the fact that literally no one that reads this is going to actually go out and see Rats: Night of Terror except if curiosity gets them. So here goes. I don't need to write a stinger, because this is too good. Anyone- I mean, anyone out there- someone tell me how this makes sense, and better yet, tell me if you thought of Master Splinter, because I sure did. Scroll down. I'll see you next time to get the taste out of my mouth.
This is how they end the movie. Master Splinter in a nuclear radiation suit.
