#fp-posting

This art is by kitchen and from a while ago, but I think it means so much. Masako sits gazing out the window, while rain pours down. Fire Point's practice has been cancelled for the day (or week? It's unclear how often they meet) and she's mourning the time lost. Time she'd like to spend out of the house, with her friends, time that's oh so hard to come by and only slipping more and more through her fingers by the second. As the oldest (and central member) of Fire Point, college is looming, and with it, so is the indefinite end of Fire Point as a band. Without a singer, they can't perform, and Masako sure as hell isn't getting replaced. Every single practice is so, so important to Masako, because it's essentially the only time she actually has to be with them, and in turn, they're her main escape from what's going on in their home. She hates when it rains. It sucks. This is lost time, this is time she'll never get back. Childhood doesn't last forever, and hers is close to ending. Kenshin's own insecurities also play into this on his end. He's the youngest, everyone will leave him behind. He knows that Masako is the first to go. They both know this all too well.

I'd also like to draw attention to the quote stated here, specifically. "To stay like this" is her biggest wish, the thought on the forefront of her mind. I'm sure another thought that comes often is something along the lines of "how long is it until it's over?" The present gets muddled when all you're thinking of is the future. It doesn't matter nearly as much, because it'll be over soon. The days are counting down, and time is ticking. The "staying like this" is the one thing she wants above all, to spend each and every moment she can with Fire Point until her stomach goes sore from laughing together with them. This idealized version of forever will never come, though.

Here, she wants to avoid it entirely. This also compounds with the fact that Masako tends to repress and ignore her emotions. Out of sight, out of mind. I'm also interested because out of all of the stress she feels, this is pretty much all she says on it unless previously prompted. The surmount of all of her fear results in this. This tiny post, this little thing that only shows the tip of her feelings on the topic. But you can get so much more out of simply just the scarcity in which she talks about it.

The only other place she really brings up the topic is here:

^ During the hypnosis arc, when she's comforting a hypnotized Jun. The only time she secedes her uncertainty is to comfort, to give someone else peace of mind. She doesn't know if Jun will remember this, and even so, she's being so, so careful with her word choice. The slight hesitation before she says college means so much. You can tell she'd rather not talk about it at all. Despite being friends, despite the entire situation, Masako's still as closed off as ever, only barely pushing past the discomfort of vulnerability because it's what she knows Jun needs to hear.

Overall, I think college is something that Masako faces with closed eyes and an even more closed off heart. Her mind belongs in the past ruined by what is now the present, and with her friends who she clings onto with silent desperation that she doesn't ever want to show.