#foxphorous

madgastronomer replied to your post: she just offered to help clean up jesu...

Stop sheeping. This is why queer women don’t get together. Say, “Hey, I don’t know if you’re into girls or not, but if you are, do you wanna go do something sometime?” Only specify a something. Coffee, a drink, a movie, a roller derby, whatever.

okay so like. i really appreciate the thought here. i really do. and i totally recognize that my dumb wimpy sheepishness is a huge barrier to any possibility of me getting into a relationship, be it with ms. dorian or with someone else. but two things i need to clarify:

i'm not sheepish because i'm afraid she's not queer. i mean, there's a little of that, obvs, but if that were all it was it wouldn't stop me. my sheepishness comes from the more deep-seated and probably more disturbing belief that i am not someone who dates, or who someone would want to date. that as an individual i am just too fuckin weird/needy/bullheaded/philosophical/whatever else to be able to function in a relationship. i feel like i'm too much to handle, that there's too much of me to deal with and that i can't ask someone else to bear that burden (also the reason why i don't really have any """"""close"""""" friends. like i have friends i'm fairly close with, but my personal bubble is quite deceptive. i divulge lots of seemingly invasive thoughts without really divulging anything of particular importance to me. i keep people at a distance. i am a romcom cliche essentially)

i don't like Dates as a way of getting to know someone i'm interested in. which is not to say i think dates are overall just dumb and bad, because i don't!!!! if that's what works for you, y'know, that's cool, you do you. but for me it's just not a productive way of forging connections with people; i'd rather be friends first, y'know? so if i were to take your advice, because i do think it's good, i'd probably be more like 'oh hey i've run into you again here let's talk about your acting choices in dorian gray and what went into your characterization' or w/e. baby steps. organic development. i can't operate with the weird dating rule books they just don't make sense to me (illogical. i am spock. oops)

mckenzieeee replied to your post: Read More →

<3

foxphorous replied to your post: Read More →

I love you. Sometimes we don’t see what the battle really was until we’re far out of the fog of war.

thanks guys. i mean, what is, is, and whatever. i'm not super concerned. just a really weird realization to have, y'know? i imagine maybe it's like having been free of an emotionally abusive relationship for a few years and looking back and realizing emotional abuse counts as abuse, and that you've been abused

yeah i dunno. thinking happy thoughts. life is great now, people give a shit what i say. there's star trek. it's all goooood