#fortheboy

I think my heart can handle writing this so I’m giving it a go.

I didn’t want kids. I knew I was selfish and I knew I was needy. I thought that I just needed to find someone who didn’t have kids.. and I’m so glad I ignored that. I’m so glad I gave it a chance. I’m so glad I got to meet you. I made my mistakes and I had my trials. I made decisions I regret and some I don’t. I could say all day long about the things I should have done but the past goes unchanged. My memories of you however will always be with me.

I was there when barely anyone knew you were becoming a person. I could tell but a stranger wouldn’t have seen you. I was there while mom beamed with light about her little one. I was there when you started to cause aches and pains for mom. I was there when people started to think that mom had a little one brewing. I was there when mom told me you were the size of an apple, a grape fruit, and a cantaloupe - her little fruit. I was there when you made your first big move - when you decided it was time to try out those tiny muscles and those tiny legs and arms. I was there when you flipped and wiggled because mom ate something you liked. I was there when mom got even more aches and started walking slower and slower. I slept next to you sometimes - ear to you and sometimes hand to you. I was there when my momma (Glamma) got to meet you for the first time. She loved you the second she met you. I was there when Glamma sent countless messages about how you were coming along. I was there for your first picture - Grandpa (papa) and I waiting patiently while the nurse searched for you. I was there when mom found out you were a boy - even though mom already knew because she could feel it. I waited and watched in amazement as the nurse took pictures of your measurements and told mom how big you were..how healthy you were. I was there when mom sent pictures of your first picture to grandma (nonna) and bragged about how you were hung like a horse. I was there when no one else was - not because they didn’t want to bub, but because I was special to mom. I was there when your cousin went home to the big man - and I held you both as you experienced your first heartbreak. I was there when mom got a party and you got your first outfit from me. I was there when mom only told a few of us what your name was. I was there when mom had troubles deciding - she wanted it to be perfect. I was there when mom had aches and pains, sickness and cravings. I was there when mom had mood swings because you were taking over all of the hormones. I was there when mom couldn’t hide you anymore - not that she ever wanted to. I was there when mom had more check ups and more appointments so that everyone knew you were okay. I was there when you decided to flip upside down - now mom had a lot of pain to deal with while sitting. I was there when it was time - it was time for Nonna and uncle C to come meet you. You rode impatiently in the passenger seat with mom - you were ready and making your way. I remember every part of our trip to get your biggest fans - every detail. Every hand squeeze because mom was hurting and uncomfortable. Every gasp as mom was getting ready for you. None of us knew for sure that we’d be meeting you soon but we had a good idea. I was there when mom held everything together because she was so excited to meet you. I was there when mom sat on the edge of the bed trying to be quiet so she didn’t wake me - when you decided it was time to come meet us. I remember joking the night before saying “I bet he will come at 5 am.” You were born so close to 5am. I was wrong but I was darn close. I was there when mom couldn’t contain the pain and needed us - me. I was there in the emergency room - I could hear mom in so much pain and I knew you were close. I tried to get back to be there when you came but they wouldn’t let me. Nonna got to see you come while we waited patiently. I remember being angry at the desk attendant. I wanted to be with mom during her special moment. I was there when they decided I could come see you and mom. Mom’s eyes were so tired but her smile lit the room. You were so small, so tiny, so innocent. I was there as the entire hospital was beaming about the baby boy born in a hospital that wasn’t equipped for you. I was there when your delivery doctor told us how he was sleeping. He was wearing tennis shoes and shorts - but he smiled about being your doctor. Your mom is so proud of her story - papa tried to be there but was held up in the waiting room with uncle C and I. He was glowing and tears formed - “What’s his name baby?!” he yelled as you and mom got wheeled towards the helicopter. Mom surprised us all, and named you so perfectly. I was there when you got zipped into an extra large sleeping bag for your first helicopter ride. Uncle C and I drove to where they took you and mom. You beat us, you little stinker. 

I was there when mom struggled with you - you were just so new and so tiny, life is hard when you are so little. I was there when mom stayed up way too many hours and held you while you slept peacefully. I was there when mom had celebrated milestones with you. I was there for so much - first time you opened your eyes, first word, first meal, first steps, first time you met uncle Dooz and uncle ‘John Wayne’ and his love MeMe, first 4th of July and moms first birthday with her boy, your first birthday, first vacation with just us, first time you rode a ferry, first ferris wheel, first time you traveled the country, first time you saw the ocean, first time you got to ride Route 66 (outside of moms tummy that is), first time meeting a horse, first aquarium, first zoo, first time for us both to feed a giraffe, first time in the rain, first time in the water, first time you loved a pet, first time for so many things.

I will always be thankful for you. I hope someday you will know me again. I hope someday you will know how much you touched my life and how much I truly love you. I hope that you’ll know how much I would do for you if you ever needed me or wanted me.

The whole world is in front of you baby. You have so much more left to do in this world - you can have it all bub. You are going to be all the best parts of those around you. I’ll always be in your corner, on your team, and right where you need me. We love you, don’t you ever feel alone. I will forever be thankful to your mom, your #1 fan, and your biggest leader.

From yours truly and with so much love,

Chey-roo