#forowen

Here I am again. I feel gross, terrible, fat, unhealthy, incapable. There is this weight on my chest and abdomen that I feel when I walk around, it has to be fat and inflammation pushing me down. And shame. It's succeeding. I feel so low. I have been here before many, many times. Posting about my weight loss plans. Yet, here I am again. Obviously it didn't work...more on that later. I feel sick, diseased. It's quite scary actually. What is stopping me? I feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work to be done. It's daunting to even consider this weight loss task again. But I really need to change my life. I have a beautiful 7 month old son. I'm 35 later this summer and my feet hurt all day, every day. I'm out of breath. God help me when my son starts walking and I have to keep up. My biggest fear, aside from premature death, is missing out on life (his and mine) because of my repeated poor choices. If I don't make these changes how long do I really have before something happens to me? Diabetes. Heart attack. Stroke. Cancer. It could be any of these and I wouldn't be surprised. Don't let me mince words here, I could lose 125 lbs and still be overweight. My best guess is that I'm around 285, maybe even 290. Fuck, I have a lot to do.