you two don’t live right in the city, it’s a bit of a ways out. you’re familiar enough with the few coffee shops and shopping centers nearby, but you won’t be stopping in to those today. seems like this late afternoon is going to be a time for exploring. you head towards the city. on the drive up, mark rambles over the hum of the car about some class stuff, some total nonsense, as he usually does. he's the talker in this friendship. sometimes you bicker with him, most of the time you just listen, because you love everything he has to say. everything that funny little noggin comes up with. 

“... like, they’re so cute, oh my god dude do you think we should get one? does our apartment allow—wait, turn here,” he cuts himself off suddenly. you lift the blinker to turn. “why, is something down here?” you ask. “no, i just... i have a good feeling about this right turn.” you snort. “yeah, ok.”

a few minutes later, he decides to turn right again. then left. “mark, you better remember all these turns.”

“don’t worry, i’ve got it. i’m a natural at directions.” (no he wasn’t, but it’s fine, you’ll GPS the way back.) 

eventually, it seems you have made it to the edge of the city, but a side neither of you have seen before. by some miracle, you manage to find free parking. (albeit in a sketchy location, but something tells you towing management has long forgotten this area) the sun sits lower than it did when you left home, colors deepening into an warm pink and orange. sunset doesn’t seem far off. mark takes note of that. “let’s find a roof and watch the sky.”

“couldn’t we have done that at home?”

“i don’t know, something about being lost when the sun is going down in the city hits different.”

“oh, so you are planning to get us lost?”

mark gives you that cheeky grin of his. “i never plan for it, but even if it happens i’m not worried. we’ll find our way.” you believe him. he’d never actually put you two in crazy danger.

you two head off, commenting on the displays of the small shops that are closing. the outskirts of the city have a personality you can’t put a name to. quirky? unseen? the center of the city has urban outfitters or whatever, but here where the sidewalk is cracked and the brick is several decades old, the shops look timeless. there would always be a time and place for antique toys and custom stationery.

“yo, let’s come back here during the day. i need to see you wear that hat.” he points to some white, lacy monstrosity.

“i’d look so stupid.”

“that’s the point.” you shove him lightly. “i’m joking. i think you’d look cute.” he says things like that sometimes. you can’t ever tell if it’s just because you two are best friends and have that level of honesty with each other, or something else. you have never allowed yourself contemplate the latter possibility. 

you pass a few more blocks before finding a parking garage. you regret not parking here, but it’s okay. the walk was nice. it’s not the tallest structure in the city, but it’s tall enough to have a nice view. you two take the elevator to the top.

“damn, it’s windy up here,” mark says once you step out. the setting sun seems brighter, more intense here. you glance over at him. it was indeed windy, the breeze tousling his bangs and exposing his forehead. he squints as he scans the area for a good place to sit. it should make him look silly, but you should realize by now you’re whipped for him, because all you notice is how prettily the sun highlights his cheeks.

“over there!” you’re jolted from your thoughts as he turns to face you. his eyes glow, a warm brown that shapes into crescents as he smiles. he grabs onto your sleeve and pulls you to sit on the ledge. it’s wide enough to stretch your legs out, but you’re thankful for the short railing. during construction had they considered activities like looking off at the sun from this ledge?

the two of you settle yourselves, sitting thigh to thigh and leaning forward onto the railing. it’s getting a little chilly, but his leg is warm. tints of blue have joined the pinks and oranges in the sky, sun continuing its descent onto the skyline.

you sit in comfortable silence, because even though it is mark, he’s not talking all the time. he knows how to appreciate the mood. still facing the sky, you glance over to mark at your side, and you admire how admiration looks on his own face as he looks out. he’s so in the moment. when he's focused, he develops a stillness that you’d never find from him any other time. when he’s focusing on work or studies, he has a furrow in his brow and his jaw is set, but in this stress-free sort of focus his features lack tension. his eyes are glazed over as his mind stirs with thoughts. he looks like he’s forgetting to breathe. (he probably is.) you poke him in the ribs. he turns to you slowly, raising a brow. 

“you must be thinking up a storm, you haven’t said anything for like ten minutes,” you say, leaning back onto your crossed arms and peering at him over the folds of your pullover. he smiles gently and mimics you, faces not far apart, eyes open wide enough to see into each other’s souls, if you so desire.

“hmm... i dunno, like...” he glances up in contemplation, minimizing his need to say “like” five times. but he can’t help letting out another one. “like... i’ve just been thinking about the future, i guess.” it’s your turn to raise a brow, prompting elaboration. 

“you know, like, after we graduate, what's life going to be like? i probably won’t be able to talk to all of the other guys like i do now.” pre-quarantine, he had a pretty hefty friend group he would hang out with, some he was closer to than others but he still really loved them all. some of them would still come over nowadays, but he has a point that things would be different in the real world. “i know we care about each other, but i noticed when you get older you kinda have to focus more and more on yourself. so then... we’re not gonna be able to talk to each other as much. and maybe i’ll never see some of them again.” his mouth settles into something shy of a frown.

“whoa there, don’t be dramatic. whenever you get married—if you do—” he pouts at you and you grin. “—you can invite all of them to your wedding, you can look forward to that at least.”

“haha, yeah i guess. well, i mean, i know i’ll get over it once the time actually comes. life moves faster than we do, you know? so it’s ok, i’m just overthinking.”

“damn, you sound so profound today.”

“thank you, i know it’s rare.” even though he doesn’t share his serious thoughts too often, you know underneath the rambles and high energy, he’s so intentional about everything in his life. you’re grateful to be part of it.

you move one of your arms out from under your head to fumble with the cuff of your sleeve, staring at your fingers as you ask, “what about us?”

“what do you mean?”

more fumbling. “i mean... do you think we’ll inevitably grow apart too?” a moment passes with only the fabric of your sleeve making noise. you look up to him to gauge his thoughts, only to find him staring at you. there it is, the set of the jaw. you blink, unable to hold his gaze. 

“what’d i say about not asking stupid questions?” you thought your question this time was valid. his eyes soften. “well, i mean. i can’t imagine life without you. you’re always there. you’re always here. i never even had to consider it... the idea of us growing apart. so... if we suddenly don’t talk anymore, it’s your fault, because i have no plans on doing that.” he’s so confident in the two of you. it was just you afraid that he didn’t feel the same way. how could you have doubted him? 

the sky’s more blue and black than orange now, but the sun is still there, a sliver that permeates the horizon. the light has receded from mark’s face, the remaining shadows contouring his small, prominent features. another breeze cuts through the air that has shifted from chilly to cold, and you put your hands together, sitting up.

mark covers your hands with his, straightening up to scoot even closer to you, which you didn’t realized was possible. he rubs his palms over your knuckles then brings your hands up and breathes warm air onto them. he touches you delicately, like something precious. he knows you’re not fragile, but he only wants to show you tenderness at the moment. his thumb swipes back and forth over your fingers as he seems to be lost in thought again. 

making up his mind, in the last light of the day, he lifts your hand to his lips and presses a kiss to it. warmth spreads from the point of contact all the way to your toes. you hope your face isn’t as red as it feels hot. mark lifts his head to meet your eyes. even though the sun’s down, his eyes glow. you could lose yourself in them. you can’t help smiling widely at him, joy overpowering your shock and the palpitating of your heart.

mark looks out over the railing. he holds your hands to his chest, to keep them warm, or maybe just to have you close to him. “well, i guess the show’s over. should we go home?”

“yeah, okay.” the two of you hop off the ledge, mark still firmly holding your hand and your other tucked away in your pocket. once you make it to the bottom of the parking garage, there are only a few streetlights on and ahead the sidewalk is mostly lit by the moonlight. standing under one of the streetlights, you look at your intertwined hands and steal another glance at mark. you think that he glows in sunlight, moonlight, streetlight, anywhere. he’s simply always alight. 

“how are we supposed to get back to the car now, mark? do you even remember the way back?”