Do you ever come across a post and you’re enjoying it a lot so you go to like it but find you already have?

how many posts have you typed out before erasing every word and not starting again

My account is so fascinating to me because i never know what i'll see because i have so many items in my queue it's been so long i forgot i even reblogged half of the posts!

Just have a few things to get of my mind I guess. My heart kinda just feels like it’s yearning for someone and I hate that I feel this way. I want to be that woman who says she doesn’t need a man to share her life with to be happy but that would just be a lie. I’ve always been independent and growing up, I barely had any strong relationships with boys and they just never really interested me. I think it was towards the beginning of university when it really hit me that the deepest connection I had with a guy was someone I met online and not actively in my life. I started to analyze and compare all the friendships I had with guys and it hurt how much it lacked substance and depth. I don’t even have to begin explaining how inexperienced I was with men. There was always a pattern in my relationships with them. There would be a lot of teasing, I’d mostly be sarcastic, barely had long conversations, never opened up or let myself be vulnerable, mostly just surface level relationships. I thought I was fine with all this but I can’t deny that my body and soul crave and still do to connect with a man on a much deeper emotional level. I don’t even know if I’m capable of this and it terrifies me. Yes, I still have problems opening up to certain people but that’s an entire different issue. I can see I’ve changed a bit but I still can’t really connect with men and it’s hindering any possibility of building stronger relationships or even meeting a guy I’m remotely interested in being more than friends. I just want to share this type of connection with someone built on complete trust, respect and understanding. It’s just sad that I haven’t experienced it yet. I want him to want me more than friends, I want to be able to completely trust him, be vulnerable. I say I want all this but if my friends ask I’d lie. The thing is yes I want all this, I want to feel this type of love but am I in a place in my life that I’m mentally ready for this? No. How can I give my all in a relationship when I hold back so much already from my friends? How can I be in a relationship if I’m not stable? I hate talking about it but I’ve always dealt with my anxiety and depression, and I don’t think I’m ready to open up about it with someone who wants to have a relationship with me. Can a person suffering from depression be in a relationship? It hurts when I read stuff that says otherwise. I need to keep reminding myself that God has a plan for me and that everyone even me is deserving of love. I just need to be able to put myself out there and be vulnerable.