#forced-tagging

Tagged by @capillata​ here.

1) Alexander Hamilton (as portrayed/written by LMM in Hamilton)

LMM attended my high school, though at three years younger than myself I never actually knew him (I only knew a few students that much younger, and they all took my bus from Queens).  The thing you need to understand is that “he looked at me like I was stupid; I’m not stupid” and “why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room?” could have been mottos for every single student who attended Hunter College High School.  

Every single one of us were geniuses.  We knew because everyone told us so.  Counseling services told us they didn’t use class ranks because every single one of us would be valedictorians at another school so if they printed our Hunter class rank then that would decrease our chance of getting into the Ivy League school of our choice. 

Every single one of us tested well.  People who came up from the Elementary School (as did LMM) had taken an IQ test before first grade and scored sufficiently high on it, and also had to live in Manhattan.  Kids who started with the High School had to have done well enough on the city/state standardized exams to be invited to take the entrance exam, and then had to do well on that. 

Every single one of us could have our pick of colleges to attend.  I didn’t actually apply to any Ivy League schools, but I did get into every school I applied to, including Wellesley, Bryn Mawr, Oberlin, and Franklin & Marshall.  In the end though I picked the school that gave me a full ride (including room and board), Alfred University.  

So yeah, Hamilton is self-insertion RPF fanfic that LMM wrote and shoved himself into the starring role.  And he’s also me and every single other person who’s ever been told we’re smart, and then has to struggle to live up to that image and reshape it into what we actually want to be remembered for.  

2) Tony Stark (MCU)

His brilliance, his scientific bent, his snarkiness (though I had more of that when I was younger), and his utter conviction that he’s a worthless piece of shit even as he lords it over everyone in public.  Thankfully I’ve got a heckofalot more self-confidence than how I headcanon Tony, but I’ve been there.

3) Eliza Schuyler (Hamilton)

Her struggle to control her own narrative appeals to me recently.

4) Eponine (Les Mis)

Not so much nowadays, but in high school I sang “On My Own” over and over and over again, due to having a hopeless (I thought) crush on a guy throughout the entirety of high school.  Did I mention Hunter starts in 7th grade?  Yeah, that’s a long time.  Years later, when I was long over him, I actually told him.  And he cocked his head and said, “huh, I wish you’d said something, I’d’ve gone out with you.”  Just goes to show.  

5) Peggy Carter (Cap 1, Agent Carter)

Her constant fight for recognition.  I kinda wish I could sit her and Eliza down together and be a fly on the wall.  

6) Ender Wiggin (the novel Ender’s Game)

Ender combines the two themes you may have noticed above as a genius who struggles to control his own destiny.  I actually wrote college application essays about how Ender’s Game changed my life.  It was the first time I’d ever seen someone write children who sounded like me, smart kids, with complex motivations, being completely aware that adults do not actually have our best interests in mind and yet being completely within their power and having to work that broken system for all we’re worth to get what we actually want and need, desperately wanting friends among his peers but at the same time never able to let his guard down around them because they’re also all out to get you.  That what life is like for gifted kids at a gifted and talented school.  (I was lucky that I managed to find a few other misfits, much like Ender found Bean and Petra.)  And then when he finally passes his graduation test and thinks he’s going to be free to go out into the war itself, finally the master of his own destiny, the way he suddenly gets the rug yanked out from under him, learning that he had been their pawn all along, there’s no more war anymore because he just ended it, and that he’s going to live the rest of his life as either a political pawn, or under house arrest, or at best evading paparazzi.  

So yeah.  These reveal a lot about me, but whatevs.  

Not tagging anyone, do it if you want to and say I tagged you.