#forbidden ship

guys. what do we think of the most forbidden ship of all time. lmk........

Mae: ...

Not gonna lie, a little disappointed in my last poll, I thought more of you would see the light that Beetlejuice and Bob have indeed explored each other's bodies. So perhaps I need to explain?

The look of forbidden love

Let me get into it. Beetlejuice has admitted in the first movie that he's a self-proclaimed incel, being that it had been 600 years since he got his dick wet. And you know after all that time he's had urges. He's more than likely tried to get with women but unfortunately, he didn't succeed with his award-winning looks and personality.

Bob probably took this picture.

The man has urges, and without touching on his love for Lydia you know he's had to act on them. That's where bob comes in.

Tissues and lotion not pictured.

For at least 36 years Beetlejuice worked as an afterlife care manager performing bio-exorcisms to ghosts in need. He formed his own business to show he is a reliable man, the kind of man that can support a wife and stepdaughter, but this isn't a Beetlebabes post. You know that Beetlejuice has had romantic urges and probably done things to himself that are specifically against Catholicism at his desk with her picture in hand.

The scariest thing in the Tim Burton director's cut.

We know he's done these things in full view of the shrinkers without shame, thinking he's being sly about it (I've illustrated this but it's far too hot for Tumblr). Their unblinking eyes can't look away and they have no mouths to scream, and when they hear the zipper they hide under their desks. Except for Bob.

It must be torture to be a bottom with no mouth.

Here's where it gets kinky. I strongly believe that Bob is straight up gay with both a submission and humiliation kink. It's the reason he's put up with his boss' shenanigans for so long and is always willing to do whatever he says without wavering. He's absolutely a bottom. For decades he sits at his desk pining for the soft, moldy, hairy, dominant body of Betelgeuse but is unable to vocalize his feelings. At home he keeps a shrine to Betelgeuse out of his used cigarette butts (Like Helga from Hey Arnold), and other things I'll touch on soon. The mouth sewn shut is a metaphor for living in a time period when open sexuality could get you sent to the stocks or worse. More on that in a bit.

But what about Betelgeuse? We've only seen him openly lust after women (I personally do not take the musical into canon, but I won't get into that here). A lot of people have the belief that Betelgeuse is absolutely not straight. I've heard that he's possibly bisexual/pan. I personally believe he's more of the "any hole's a goal" type of guy and will fuck anything with or without a pulse. At one point he probably noticed Bob's lust, which he used to his advantage. Both in order to make him his personal slave, but mostly his "right hand" man.

If you know, you know.

I believe they fooled around casually for years. Bob probably caught feelings (who wouldn't) and Beej just saw him as a substitute for Lydia. I won't get graphic as to what they did, that's for fanfic writers out there to write about.

Use your imagination.

But then Lydia came back into the picture. When Beej realized he had a small window to reunite with the love of his afterlife he had a sudden realization that word might get out about his homosexual liaisons with Bob. Remember what I said earlier about Bob coming from a time when homosexuality was a punishable offense? Betelgeuse was from that same time, and probably is deeply closeted. He lives (uhh...or un-lives) under the assumption that Lydia might think he's "less of a man" for his activities with Bob. Plus he wants to show her he's done with his exes and she is his only obsession. And it hits him. He has to get rid of the twink.

"Listen Bob, it's been fun but I'm getting back together with Lydia. We probably shouldn't do mouth and hand stuff anymore."

I believe he openly and deliberately put Bob in danger to hide his secret. He damn well knew Delores would suck his soul and he manipulated Bob into sacrificing himself. He even straight up said "she'll suck your soul instead of mine."

Ready for a con.

The Beetlejuice "disguise" wasn't something Beej came up with, with his powers. It's something Bob had lying around as part of his submission/power kink. When he went home at night he put on this costume and acted out scenarios where he was the powerful ghost with the most in front of his stuffed animals on his bed. Betelgeuse may or might not have been aware of this, he did seem a little shocked when he first saw his costume. But in the end, Bob openly gave his life For Betelgeuse out of pure love. He never snitched and stayed loyal and true, perhaps he knew all along that Betelgeuse loved Lydia and that no matter what he did, he could never compete for her in his lovers eyes. Maybe he knew his boss would be happier with Lydia? Maybe it was a sacrifice of pure love? Justice for Bob indeed.

All of this is laid bare in front of us, and if you can't see this, you're ignorant and suffer from "jealous whore" disease for not recognizing my genius...just kidding. I'm just having fun with this crack ship. I was going to make this post for April Fools but got distracted with life. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing this. You have to be honest though, it makes about as much sense as "dreamverse" and is leagues more coherent.

What started out as a joke on discord among friends kind of snowballed into a schizo theory. You have to admit, BobxBeetlejuice yaoi is hilarious. There should be more of it.

Summary: Barely surviving his battle against the forces of Melkor, Fëanor is brought on the brink of death to the House of Healing in Doriath. Galadriel feels compelled to care for her uncle, tending to his every need. Feeling her true passion fanning to life once more. Discovering again who she once was, under his expert guidance, of course.

Read now on AO3

Fëanor x Artanis | Galadriel|Explicit

Chapter 1:

Neinei and Ronan, beach episode.