#for:

Summary: After the announcement of his engagement to Qiao Wanmian, Li Xiangyi takes off on his own and ends up at an inn by the East Sea.

Content warnings: There is a decent amount of smut in the full story, but consent is sexy and so is Di Feisheng.

There is some mention of self-harm but only the aftermath is described, and not in great detail. Possible trauma in LXY's relationship with SGD is touched on but not described.

Thanks to: the exchange moderators for setting this up, to @lasenbyphoenix for the amazing prompt, I never would have tried to write a prequel story without you, and a special thank you to @kingsandbastardz for inspiring my version of LXY to pay careful attention to DFS's scars, and to one scar in particular. :D

I'm also genuinely grateful that I had this to work on. I took an internet hiatus to focus on family stuff that was not easy and writing dihua was very good for my mental health.

The Floating Lotus

At some point in the future, Li Xiangyi will tell a nervous disciple that he spent a great deal of time during his decade as Li Lianhua thinking about how one couldn't live in opposition to fate, but the truth is that he spent an equal or greater amount of time thinking about one view of a broad back and shoulders, and how to keep that view in sight despite the challenges fate put in his way.

He can't say why that view haunts him asleep and awake, or what it is about that particular person that moves him to do foolish things or take seemingly contradictory actions, but fate is funny and human hearts are even more difficult to understand.

All he can say for sure is that one day he was minding his own business, moving carefully down a martial path that seemed to make sense even if Xiangyi got less sleep than he wanted to and there seemed to be almost no one to talk to anymore, and then one afternoon in late autumn he saw sunlight glinting prettily off a fall of sleek hair moving through a busy market.

There was no reason for Li Xiangyi to be there, not at that time of day. The place was an accident, too: an unfamiliar market in an unfamiliar seaside town, bustling with life, quite a contrast to the quiet he was used to and thought he liked best. But the man was tall and trim, broad and lean, and his long hair swayed gently with each step, catching the mid-afternoon sun.

Without fully understanding why, Xiangyi had followed, weaving through the throng of people, and the compulsion amused him even as it led him deeper into the heart of the town.

As they rounded a corner, he was distracted by a street performer, an elderly man demonstrating qinggong by balancing on a single finger atop a narrow pole. The crowd around him gasped and applauded, creating a ripple of excitement that was hard to ignore. He watched for a moment and when he turned back, the person he was following was gone.

It was hard to describe, when he thought back on it, but he had been determined to see that person's face, or just to see the amusement through to something inevitably ordinary or dull. So he pushed forward, moving through the sea of faces and vibrant colors, hoping to catch another glimpse of that broad back and shoulders.

The smell of street food, the chatter of merchants, and the vibrant displays of fine and rare teas, trinkets, fruit and other delicacies faded into the background as he focused on his search, which led to the end of one dead end lane, and then another.

Li Xiangyi paused at the end of another empty alley, his eyes scanning the market. He was about to turn back when a woman approached him. Her face was lined and her hair was graying, and her eyes were bright with worry when she touched his sleeve.

"Gongzi," she said, her voice urgent, "you look like a man of skill and honor. Are you from a renowned sect?"

Xiangyi bowed automatically. "I am. How can I assist you?"

The woman glanced around nervously before continuing. "There's a female martial artist who appears at night, frightening everyone. She moves so strangely, and anyone with sense who sees her is scared to death. We need someone of your calibre to investigate."

Before Xiangyi could respond, someone spoke up from behind him.

"I've heard the same stories," said a man's voice. "She vanishes as quickly as she appears. Doesn't leave a trace."

Li Xiangyi turned to see the same broad shoulders he had been following earlier. The man's presence was commanding and -- Xiangyi coughed to mask his reaction -- the view from the front was good too.

Xiangyi nodded, considering the stranger's words, and turned back to the woman.

"If I may ask, how exactly is she scaring people? Has she hurt anyone?"

"Well, no," the woman stammered, "no one's been hurt, but she appears at random and only at night, and she has a weapon. Surely there's something wrong there?"

The stranger stepped forward and crossed his arms. "Oh, I heard that too. What kind of weapon?"

"It's a short sword, or maybe a dagger, but it's hard to say," she said, looking between them. "Please, will you help us?"

Xiangyi gave a reassuring nod. "I will do what I can," he said, already convinced he would do anything but. He was tired, and thirsty.

"Thank you, gongzi," the woman said, relief washing over her face. "My name is Lin Mei. If you need a place to stay, there's a reputable inn nearby called The Floating Lotus. It's comfortable and cheap."

Li Xiangyi hesitated, and did not look at the stranger.

"I appreciate the suggestion, madam," he said. "But I'll make my own arrangements."

Lin Mei nodded. "Very well. If you need anything, you can find me at the market most days. Everyone knows me."

He watched her move back behind a tea stall and sighed. The stranger was still there, looking at Xiangyi in a way that he couldn't quite parse, and even though they weren't touching he could feel the heat of the other man's body along his side.

"The old lady didn't lie. The Floating Lotus is comfortable and cheap," the stranger said, "but it's fully booked, no vacancies."

Li Xiangyi nodded. "Thank you for the information," he said, and would have turned away but a hand tapped his elbow.

"Ask me how I know," the stranger said. His fingers were still barely there on Xiangyi's arm, and that heat still sparked along his side.

He rolled his eyes and took a pointed step away.

"Let me guess, is it because you booked the last room?"

The stranger smirked. "You have no intention of helping that woman, do you?"

"She doesn't need my help," Li Xiangyi said, "she needs a magistrate. That so-called martial artist is probably a thief and the weapon she noticed is stolen goods."

The other man pretended to consider this. "But isn't it your duty as a young master from a righteous sect to help those in need?"

Xiangyi looked the stranger up and down, raising an eyebrow at clothes that were fine but not ostentatious, at a hairpiece that was utilitarian but obviously of high quality, and let his eyes linger at the covered sword on his back.

"If you think so, have at it. I'm tired and I need a drink, and the next town might have an inn with a room ready," he said, and started to turn away, ponytail swinging in a way that was not, absolutely not, deliberate.

"Suit yourself," said the stranger. "But even if you don't care about the old lady, think about the reputation of your Sigu Sect. Li Xiangyi."

Xiangyi's hand tightened on his sword. He turned around, ready to fight, but the stranger hadn't touched the weapon on his back. "I saw your sword dance the other day," he said, and looked Li Xiangyi up and down.

Xiangyi relaxed his shoulders and tried not to frown, but he could feel his face burning. The sword dance had been an impulsive act and the next morning, when Xiangyi was almost sober, he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"You have the advantage of me," he said, and bowed the slightest bow he could manage. "May I have the honor of knowing your name, gongzi, and the name of your sect?"

The stranger nodded. "This one is called Fei. I don't belong to any righteous sect."

"Well then, Fei youxia, I'm not in the mood to accept any challenges today so let's part nicely, alright?"

The man called Fei moved a step closer until they were almost toe-to-toe. He had a full mouth and remarkable phoenix eyes with long lashes. They stared at each other and Li Xiangyi was caught between wanting to count breaths or heartbeats, both sounded so loud in his ears. It went on too long, and Xiangyi broke first. He stepped back and opened his mouth to say something snappish about personal space, but Fei cut him off.

"I won't fight you today, Li zongzhu," he said, as if it was his decision alone. "And I won't ask why you were following me if it wasn't to fight."

Xiangyi snorted. "How generous of you --"

Fei closed the distance between them again and then nodded over his shoulder. "But I do have a room, as you guessed, and would be happy to let Li gongzhu use it if he is willing to put up with my company."

Xiangyi hesitated, then smiled. Because of course. This absolute bastard.

But Xiangyi was tired. He was thirsty. The odds of him being able to take this man in a fight were good. And if they didn't fight -- well, if Xiangyi didn't fight this man that would be a good thing, wouldn't it? There was more to life than fighting, and there was only one way to find out.

"As long as Fei youxia doesn't get any funny ideas," he said, trying not to look too long at the other man's smirking mouth, "please lead the way."

Honestly, Xiangyi thought as he found himself following behind that familiar back and shoulders, watching Fei's ridiculous hair move like a curtain between his shoulder blades, this might be just what I need.

Because something was missing; something was not right.

If the trouble was in his head, heart, or body was difficult to tell. Days ago now, perhaps a week -- the same day the announcement of his engagement to A'Mian was made -- he had drunk too much, much too much, and then danced on the rooftops for fun. Xiangyi truly loved sword forms, and flying with his sword, so in the moment when the dance was done he leaned back for another drink, heart glad and body still tingling. But not quite settled. Not quite sated.

He had dozed on that roof, body held up by his sword, despite some of his juniors urging him to come down to continue to drink with them, and later urging him to come down and sleep. Xiangyi hadn't wanted more wine or a bed. He didn't want to sit with his juniors or talk with any xiongdi at all, or eat, or rest.

A few hazy hours later, a half-sober Li Xiangyi decided that if what he wanted wasn't there, in front of his face, it must be elsewhere. So he picked up his sword, skirted the attention of anyone in his Sigu Sect, and walked to the edge of town, then out of town altogether, and then vaguely in the direction of the sea. Maybe he had some idea that the sea would be soothing. He would find a place to meditate and return in a few days, and all would be well then.

So Li Xiangyi had been missing for close to a week, he reckoned, and his heart hadn't settled, but then he had only just reached the sea. By the sea, in sight of that vast and moving body of endless ocean, maybe everything would be alright.