#for ray

Dear Ray, If you are reading this then I am gone. Gone can mean so many things, but in the broadest way it means we aren’t together. I want you to know that I cherish those first few days together. I wish that Ray was who you really were, but we don’t always get what we want. I can’t decide if your actions are your own or the product of the indoctrination that takes place here. I’d like to believe that there a kind, lonely, and sad man that has good will towards his fellow man inside you, but I can’t pretend that your actions towards the RFA are anything but malicious. I know that unless you get clean from that drug they give out like candy here and deal with whatever it is that makes you harbor such hatred that your actions will not change and you will continue to defend them so let’s move on to the only thing you seem to have sympathy for: Your actions towards me. When I came here I came because of your words, remember? You said that you needed me to test a game for you and that to protect the game from those that might steal it that I would need to stay with you. Those memories seem like a lifetime ago, instead just a few days. Now it’s been revealed that your words were nothing but lies. You said that you made the messenger and that it was game, but it isn’t a game and you didn’t make it. You said that RFA members were AIs, but they aren’t! They are living people with thoughts and feelings. My very reason for being here is a lie. You ask me to continue to trust you, but everything you’ve said to me is a lie. I can’t even be sure that the feelings you claim to have for me are true. I think that is what hurts the most. I liked you too and it was nice to be admired, but now it feels like all that was a lie. You ask me to trust you, but how can I when all you have to offer me are lies? I want to believe that the Ray that brought me flowers and was so happy to share a short walk through the garden with me is the real Ray and that this malicious Ray is who you have been told to be. Perhaps that’s what’s wrong with everyone here. It’s like you are all brainwashed. Is it because of that drug? If so, why would you try to give it to me? You speak of happiness, but I can’t believe that anyone here is actually happy. I know you don’t want to hear or read these things, but I think you and all the people here have been lied to by this Savior you keep talking about. I think that if a place where people have no free will or mind of their own is paradise to someone then that person that believes that is a person that wishes the fit some “normal” mold. However, that isn’t isn’t paradise and it definitely isn’t happiness. How many of the followers actually agreed to be here? How many of them had “paradise” forced on them? How many of them have families that miss them everyday? I digress though I hope you think about it. There is one last matter I need to talk about. You tell me that you will make things perfect for me. That you’ll do anything to me happy. However, when you offer ways to apologize for the things you do that upset me, you only offer options that involve harming you. I’m upset with you, yes, but I don’t want to hurt you. It’s more than obvious to me that you are hurting inside and I don’t want to add to that. I’d like to save you from your pain, but I refuse to be brainwashed and controlled like a puppet. I believe in V and RFA. I wish that you could let go of your hate and leave with me, but I know that can never be. I’m sorry. I think we could’ve been happy if it wasn’t for the drug and the Savior that seems to control you with candied worlds. I want you to know that I felt happiness when we walked in the garden. In another life we may have had a happy ending. I wish I could’ve kept my promise.