Woke up today feeling a bit blah, maybe it could have been the massive load of diarrhea I had which was probably caused by the binge eating I do when I’m high asf. These past two weeks I feltl so bloated and I think it’s because of all the sodium I have intake. You know when you've been eating like trash is when that Ibs starts to hit, you feel so swollen, lets not forget dehydrated. I decided to go on a detox for this week and avoid eating any junk that has the words “ Mc “ in it. I also have to avoid eating fucking chips I love those little potato crunches they are just so freaking good. let’s not forget that bitch sweets and sugar. But I’m just tired of being chubby. I’m 5′5 and 165. some of you might say “ oh that’s perfectly normal “ stfu please!!! no one wants to hear that about their weight. if I feel heavier than usual than let me do what makes me happy but ofc never and I MEAN never completely allow yourself too deep down the path that you almost die. but sometimes I feel like I rather die than not be my hottest self. so join my toxic journey of figuring out how too go from 165 to 130 using healthy exercise but toxic diets. not proud but I’ll do whatever to feel as if my sanity isn't leaving me. Hopefully when my paycheck hits I can sign ups for the gym, but uggh what makes it harder is when your boyfriend eats like a fatty because he’s a lifter so he burns it all into muscle and all your mom does is by crappy food because that’s all your younger siblings want. HELLO!! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HOT WITH THESE TEMPTATIONS. however, I shall learn self discipline. on this journey it’s just me, my nic, and my badass cat.