Forgiveness
Word Count: 1090. Angst to fluff. Proofread? No
TW// Bit of blood, knife used, sad, derealisation, drowning. (I swear, this makes it sound so much worse than I wanted it to, the ending is fluff, I promise.)
Jackie stared into the pond at it's still, silver surface, that thought itself a mirror, seeing his watery expression glare back at him.
"Who are you to complain?" His reflection seemed to whisper.
"It still happened." He murmured to it weakly.
"It's over now, isn't it?" It hissed back.
"It should be." He thought. But he didn't have the heart to utter it aloud.
The chill of the air in that underground cave seemed to seep into Jackie's very soul, the temperature curling around him, sinking it's claws in and holding him fast.
He felt his mind in a daze, nothing fully clear, all a bit blurred at the edges, but filling up his consciousness nonetheless.
The smell of the lily pads, fresh and clean, but so, so faint, the ghost of their scent just reaching his nose.
The mud under his shoes, squelching and seeping in, sticking his feet to the cobbled stone of the bridge. He dimly pondered where the mud was coming from, what with the stone being so clean and bare, but he gave it no more thought.
The way the low, gently swinging lantern light cast his shadow wildly across the room, sometimes it was running, another dancing, perhaps kneeling with a dagger in its palms.
Ran's voice was gentle at first.
"What did you want to talk about?"
Jackie tried desperately to get his thoughts to line up with each other.
"You know that I love you." He said, his voice desperate to get across that he wants mad at all, not really.
"Yes." Ran didn't say it back. That should have been the first sign.
" And I forgive you, I do, but…"
"But?"
"It… it still happened."
"What did?" That didn't quite sound like Ran anymore.
Jackie felt himself grow a little irritable. "Don't fucking make me say it."
Ran tilted his head in confusion. "Say what?"
Jackie wanted to hit him, but his limbs felt to slow and too weak. When did that happen?
"You tried to kill me, Ran," Jackie ground out, his nails slowly digging into his palms.
"But you just said you forgive me, didn't you?" Ran smiled, something that usually brought joy to Jackie's heart, was now quite flavourless.
Jackie faltered in his steps. When had he stepped forward?
"Well, yes." But that's not the point, he thought desperately.
"Well, it's all water under the bridge now, isn't it?" Ran replied, a humourless laugh escaping his lips, his hand motioning down to the pond below them.
Eyes betraying him Jackie's gaze lingered on the now shivering body of water, and he locked on to their reflections.
Jackie, shaking in the cold, apprehensive, a little scared.
Ran, still, emotionless, looking how he had the first time they had met.
The water rippled, and they changed.
Jackie's breath hitched, his hackles raised, and his nails leaving crescent shapes in his skin.
They were on the balcony. It was that night. Ran, looking handsome as ever, his mind still a mystery then to Jackie. Himself, feeling like an absolute flustered mess on the inside, but he supposed he had looked collected enough to Ran's standards.
He saw the knife in Ran's sleeve. He wished he didn't.
It all played out just the same.
Jackie really didn't know why he expected any different.
He turned to look away when the knife slipped from Ran's sleeve.
His head wouldn't move.
He averted his eyes, but they couldn't stop watching.
The knife didn't stop either.
The Jackie of the past seemed to accept his fate.
Crimson bloomed across his back as red dusted his cheeks.
His hands fell slack from shock, his back went slack in the pain.
His breath left his choking lungs as he gave his last one to the tall, handsome, bastard of an Enderman he loved.
The Ran in the pond simply stood as Jackie crashed to the ground, and removed the blade from his victims back, his eyes not bothering to meet Jackie's pained stare.
Ran wiped the blood of the blade off on his shirt before he walked away, leaving Jackie cold, bleeding out and alone.
The pond had returned to normal, but Jackie couldn't tell.
"The council has given me one very, very last chance" he heard Ran say faintly, but he couldn't really hear him.
That, that hadn't been real. He was still alive, it didn't make sense.
The emptiness of the cave made the ringing of his ears echo on endlessly.
Ran didn't do that, wouldn't do that.
His lungs were filling up with the foggy, damp air, trying to kill from the inside before anyone could get to him first.
Would he?
His brain was stuffed with cotton wool, fuzzy and confused.
He felt a hand on his back.
"This is my chance to really make things right, love."
The name didn't fit Ran's mouth.
There was a push, and he was toppling forward.
Jackie didn't remember the pond being this deep.
Why were his limbs so heavy?
Why was he such a weak swimmer?
Why were Ran's eyes purple?
"Why are you still dreaming?"
Jackie jolted awake, his eyes blown wide and palms stinging. There were arms around him and he fought to get them off, before reality slowly sunk in.
What an awful dream, he thought. Really, that was absolute shit.
"Jackie?" Ran.
"Are we still going to the cave today?" Ran asked his voice thick with sleep.
Jackie froze again.
"Do you want to?" He managed to get out.
Ran nuzzled into Jackie's neck. "I don't really mind. I just wanna spend the day with you."
"This isn't a dream," Jackie told himself. "It isn't."
The voice of his reflection whispered back,
"And how do you know that?"
"Oh fuck off," he thought, "I'll prove it."
Jackie turned, his nose brushing his lover's. Blue eyes met green, skin met skin, and Jackie pressed kiss after kiss onto Ran's flushed face.
"What- what are you doing?" Ran stammered, his eyes roaming over Jackie's face, his long arms still wrapped around the shorter's body.
"Ran, I love you." Jackie said, pressing his forehead into the other's and closing his eyes tight.
He waited a moment. A beat more. Jackie felt scared for a second, before he opened his eyes and saw the bright green complexion of Ran.
He burst out laughing, earning a grumble from Ran.
"It's far too early in the morning for this," Ran grumped.
"... I love you too."
He fell off the bed when Jackie tried to kiss him again.
@girlbossjackie
A/N. Hello! I woke up this morning, opened Tumblr to see this, and my motivation finally, finally went "Aw yiss, time to write again." I think I got it done in about 50 minutes on my phone, and considering I haven't written in months that's pretty funky. Had so much fun writing this and am happy to say that with the title being the word "Forgiveness" I have used all but one of the prompt words B). Hope you enjoyed!
