#fmuf

@lafayettes-baguettes-1 @darlintom @redhoodparker @stormyholland @lovelyh0lland @sweethosterfield @beautiful-holland @nillebrein

i knew this post was coming but i dont give a shit, and frankly i dont give a shit what any of you have to say. cause it sucks that the last 6 months of music on my youtube account... i’ve listened to countless times with someone i loved more than anything like every single day.. every song is a memory of a time when we were in my bed just chillin. nothing else in my life mattered. i didnt think about my shit job, my car not being finished, my daily driver giving me issues, family problems. nothing. there was just her and her happiness making me happy. it wasn’t even about me. it never was. it was about her. literally didnt have to do anything fun to be happy together and thats why i loved it so much. a trip to mcdonalds with her put a smile on my god damn face. i went even if i wasn’t hungry just to see her stuff her face and be content with a sweet tea no ice.. I EVEN MISS ARGUING WITH HER OVER WHAT MOVIE TO WATCH. the simplicity is what made it beautiful. seeing her happy because i was there to say i love you made me really fucking feel like i mattered for once and i just can’t see myself getting over that. 20 years will pass and i’ll still be by myself wishing things went differently. god damn, i wish for things to be right so much. why can’t things be good again? like what am i even doing with my life.. why is it that no matter how much i told her i loved her more than anything or anyone it wasn’t enough for her. what does a person have to do to make someone realize how much they fucking mattered? its sickening to even admit that i let someone be so important. how can you say fuck that, and walk away from that? if i  told someone to go fuck themselves and they still resisted i’d definitely change my mind because i’d know what they felt for me was REAL. a second or even third chance no matter how dumb shit got i have reassurance that deep down they care. i literally can’t stand this pain. i fucking wake up at 6 am or whatever because my sleep cycle decides its time to wake me up with another memory of her. WHY? i cant even control my subconscious mind and its killing me so much. god i hope she is happy with the other person because if she isn’t im going to lose my shit cause there’s nothing i cared about more than her happiness. that fucking giggle echoes in my mind every single day. i miss creating that giggle, it was my fav. its like a bad commercial stuck on repeat in your head. i wish i was better at letting things go but im not because shes just that fucking important to me. nothing compares. no matter how mean i got on here, deep down i have honestly wished nothing but the best for her because i’ll always have a part of my heart taken up by her. we kinda rubbed off on each other’s personality.  i miss the times we had but i miss the future with her even more. every time i go out and she isnt sitting next to me it makes me want to turn my fucking car around and go home because its pointless to share these adventures with just myself.. i hope your adventures are better than what i could provide you with. god fucking damn it, as much as you think we weren’t supposed to be together and i didnt make you happy. i miss you. and im sorry i wasn’t enough and what i’ve said wasn’t enough to prove to you how important you are to me. i hope you are happy.

fuck

#BathroomTalk with @chodebot8000 #FMUF

#tacotuesday #fmuf #fortwayne #thelatchstring with @treya260 @josephakleber and Wood

Bill Murray don't fuck around when it comes to Cheetos. #fmuf