#flyjuly

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Now that I’ve thought about it, I haven’t really posted something about my birthday in July. I’ve been away from my laptop and from my flat these past few weeks trying to make myself at home somewhere else. Well for me, home is everywhere and nowhere kasi. 

I’ve experienced a lot of mishaps along the way, but I sure learned a lot and enjoyed so much. Before turning another year older, I looked back on the many lives I have lived so far, and a few more I dream of living. Some of my friends say, at my age, I’ve already achieved a lot. A loving relationship with my family, a solid group of friends, a job that I love, the perks to travel, the freedom to live on my own, the liberty to make my own decisions and all. But I still feel like there is something I could do more. I do not mean an upgrade materially, I think I just want a well rounded life in general. 

I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to keep on learning. To keep on developing. To keep on discovering new things and new feelings. Sometimes it’s frustrating, when you want a lot and you can do only a little. But I always pray, and I map my plans. In a world where everyone has the time to wait and watch you fail, the last thing you should drop is your determination and your passion. 

I thank my family for being my rock during the toughest days. My friends for being my cheerleaders in my lowest points. My oppas/senpais for being my happy pills. All the babies in the world for making me smile no matter how bad my mood was (ya’ll so cute). Our pet Tabi for sleeping beside me when it was cold and I’ve got no one to hold. (char) and to my favorite singer/songwriters for the great music/lyrics. Life is bearable with all of you thank you.  

D-7

1. Cut my hair. 

2. Made a hell lot of lists. 

3. Saved money for something that would actually make me happy.  

4. Hugged Tabi. Spent more time with my siblings.

5. Finished a tub of ice cream while watching Korean and Japanese dramas.   

6. Fell in love briefly, happily, mushy gushy.  

7. Talked a little more to my mom.

9. Kept myself immersed in my day job. Tried to find part time jobs during my free time.  

10. Enrolled for a fitness plan. 

11. Paid my own bills. Looked into future investments. 

12.  Traveled.

13. Pretended to be a local in a foreign land by studying useful expressions from their language beforehand. 

14. Watched the sunrise and the sunset alone in different viewpoints. 

15. Collected maps from everywhere I went. Turned those maps into pieces of art in my home.

16.  Cooked for myself. Then for my sibs. 

17. Went to my favorite bands’ concert(s).  Made music videos out of my favorite songs (in my mind)

18. Learned how to drive in Manila.

19. Took many photos.

20. Lived on my own. 

21. Embraced my flawed existence and have committed to become better than no one, but myself.  

22. Wrote about my grudges and brushed ‘em off afterwards. 

23. Took note of my blessings until I’ve lost count. 

A few weeks before my actual birthday, my High school friends surprised me with a candid camera. Yes, with balloons, a stick on Happy birthday banner, and a blueberry cheesecake. I loved it. Apparently, I have the best friends in the world. They even coordinated with my mom to get a hold of my house key and I absolutely didn’t have a clue. We just laughed it off after. I felt happy and assured that I am not alone in this tough path of adulthood. 

06 July 2016

“If you are insecure, guess what? the rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”

I had to swoosh through the flood today so I could go home. I was alone. One of my friends was on leave, the other rendered overtime. I braved the rain without anyone assuring me it’s gonna be okay, “we’re gonna reach the house before this gets worse”. Just like how it’s been for a while now. 

I saw people running. Some were standing under waiting sheds. I saw students clutching their bags, uniform sleeves wet. I saw office girls, like me. Their black leather shoes looked like they were already about to break. I saw street vendors, holding their big umbrellas, business as usual. The sidecar drivers were very energetic, swirling back and forth along the sidelines. The barkers were holding coin bags and wooden planks. Some couples were holding each other tighter than usual. A few riders passed me by, their clothes were drenched but good thing they all wore helmets. And many more. I didn’t close my eyes even once, I’ve tried to look around as much as I could. Everyone was struggling with something. I thought everyone wanted to go home as soon as possible. I hope everyone somehow made it through.

The rain continued to pour until I have finished taking a bath, and even after I have eaten my dinner. I was supposed to go outside for some groceries but I opted to stay in the end. I’ve watched a movie while drying my hair. Cold breeze coming in from my balcony...