#flshakespeare

“My love of learning and thirst for knowledge began early. I was the type of child that irritated adults with constant questions. You know the sort of thing “why is the sky blue?”, “why do insects have six legs?”, “how do whales breathe?” I couldn’t wait to join my older siblings in that magical place called school, where I would meet lots of other children and learn about all sorts of things. When the day came, I skipped merrily away down the little path that led to the playground, unwittingly leaving my mum hurt at the fact that I didn’t even look back and wave goodbye; such was my enthusiasm for the adventure. There I discovered art and literature in one glorious moment; Rousseau’s painting of a tiger with Blake’s poem underneath, which decorated the classroom wall. Music, through recorder lessons, and then languages, through being taught French from the age of 7, served to confirm that I was right about school. By the age of 12, I was writing and directing plays, putting them on at lunchtime to raise money for charities. Strangely, I even loved being given homework, because it was all part of the learning adventure.

My love of the theatre continued when I went on to study for my degree. Looking back, I have no idea where I found the time to study English and Anthropology, run the drama society, direct plays while acting in others at the same time, and still having the normal social life that goes with being a student, but I’m glad I did. Working in I.T. and the long commute to work put an end to the am-dram, but I used the daily train journey to learn languages and indulge my love of world literature. My briefcase was more of a mini library than a receptacle for paperwork! Eventually, a change in career brought an end to the commuting, as the lure of country life was too hard to resist, but I always found time to feed my yearning to learn new things. All this was to change when a traumatic experience left me questioning everything I believed about the world and other people. I didn’t know it at the time, but as the months went by and my physical injuries healed, I was to be left with a legacy that would be far harder to deal with. The loss of confidence, the all-pervading anxiety and chronic depression were not just a simple reaction to being out in the world again; I was diagnosed with PTSD. Isolation, lack of motivation and ongoing prejudice from members of the local community only served to exacerbate the condition. A support worker, in an effort to combat my isolation, encouraged me to make short regular trips to my local library (somewhere that felt safe). It was during one of these visits that a librarian mentioned FutureLearn to me. She brought up the site on her screen and scrolled through the list of courses. I was amazed and immediately hooked. At first, I was too nervous to take any sort of active part, through the comments section, but one day curiosity got the better of me and I took a peek at what was going on. Before I knew it, I had posted a comment myself. I can’t remember what it was; I just remember the feeling of anxiety as soon as I had done it. I’m so glad I took that simple step though because I have had so many fascinating, inspiring and at times funny, exchanges with both my fellow students and tutors. Little did I know that that simple act of kindness at my local library was to be a turning point for me. FutureLearn soon became a powerful item in my self-therapy toolkit, for so many reasons. It provides goals to aim for that are meaningful to me. It gives and sustains a renewed sense of confidence; the sense that I do have abilities and that I have something valuable to contribute. It connects me to a wonderful amazing bunch of people from across the world when I would otherwise be completely isolated. The positive experiences I have on the various courses provide me with daily proof that there are actually good people in the world. The sense of enrichment from the wide variety of courses I have been able to study is quite phenomenal. I thought I had lost the person I once was. Through FutureLearn I have discovered that this is not the case. The chuckling, inquisitive, creative woman hadn’t gone; she was still in there somewhere. It’s a long journey, there are no magic wands, but thanks to my experiences with FutureLearn, the me-that-was is becoming the me-that-is again.”

Inspired by Hazel’s story?

Take a look at a few of the courses she values:

Mindfulness for Wellbeing and Peak Performance

Introduction to Italian

Shakespeare and His World

England in the Time of Richard III

Cultural Studies and Modern Languages

“I’ve always been very perennially curious about an extensive array of topics; from literature to philosophy, to religion, music, and history. Entering college in 2008 definitely opened the floodgates to more knowledge and to people who hold diverse paradigms and viewpoints. Entering college, likewise, changed my life in a way I could never have imagined.

In 2011, I began experiencing symptoms of severe clinical depression. I began sobbing while writing my course essays and papers. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I had been experiencing the most extreme mood changes which I couldn’t fathom and understand. Being constantly guilty didn’t help either. I was feeling this pervading, consistent self-condemnation because I had been sexually confused. Depression and being bisexual weren’t a healthy mix.

As the years went on, I found myself unable to process anything I’d read. It didn’t matter if the text was challenging or surprisingly easy. I began losing chunks of my memory. I started self-harming again, had episodes of psychosis and anxiety attacks, and had multiple suicide attempts dispersed over five to six years. I found out that I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, borderline personality disorder, and OCD. I also felt alienated because I felt that identifying as queer was totally unacceptable.

I had to take a two-year leave of absence, a mental health sabbatical to rest and recuperate. There, I began taking MOOCs on other platforms. Out of thirty to forty online courses, I had only been able to complete a single course. In a stroke of luck, I found FutureLearn.

Being an introvert, I found interacting with new people quite the challenge (which threatened to heighten my anxiety attacks). It was a massive help to find that FutureLearn had a warm, welcoming, and respectful community of learners. I learned to be more open and receptive to new ideas, and I have been able to adjust to social interaction.

More importantly, it helped me cope, not only with mental illness but with sexuality and accepting myself as a queer female. Additionally, FutureLearn has given me opportunities to learn beyond what I have learned at university. I just found out that I got accepted into my university’s MA English Studies (Anglo-American Literature) program after nine years as an undergrad. FutureLearn has spurred my desire to be in academe and serve my country through being aware of innovations in learning and research with courses such as Shakespeare: Print and Performance and Literature and Mental Health. (I even have certain research topics in mind as I enter the postgraduate program!)

I’m really thankful and blessed to have discovered FutureLearn. It helped me deal with and process my illness and sexuality by re-focusing my attention towards learning. The courses which I’ve mentioned have been helping me maintain more than a year of stability from bouts of clinical depression, anxiety attacks, and hypomania. One course on the site which tackled university research has even helped me start (and finish) my undergraduate thesis on families with members who have a mental illness. I would never have imagined that learning, and gaining knowledge, would help me cope with being bipolar and queer so thank God for FutureLearn!