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âjack absolutely has this and you can't convince me otherwiseâ - @liggytheauthoressââ
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inspired by [x]
âjack absolutely has this and you can't convince me otherwiseâ - @liggytheauthoressââ

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if you create any cute cas bee art for today feel free to use my tracking tag #flowersforcastag so i can reblog
đ Youâre immensely talented and someone I look up to art-wise but Iâm so nervous to tag you in stuff
đ omg looking up to my art that means the worldâ feel free to tag me (use my tracking tag if thats less nerve wracking #flowersforcastag) but if you just wanna chat or anything feel free to dm me ! (also, i get tagged in a buncha stuff so please dont take it personally if i take a while to reblog ! đđđ ) love you
Thereâs a body in Deanâs bed.
Well, to be fair, thereâs normally a body in Deanâs bed, but that body is Cas, who is typically wrapped around him like a goddamn koala. And Cas doesnât normally wriggle, because he sleeps like heâs getting paid to.Â
So it must be--
âJack,â Dean whispers, trying to sound both frustrated and caring at the same time and falling a little too much on the side of the former, âWhat are you doing?â
âI couldnât sleep,â Jack replies, his round face inches from Deanâs, and Dean sighs, scooting over because Cas, spread-eagle on the other side of the bed and fully unperturbed by the appearance of their adult-sized toddler, is unlikely to move.Â
Jack snuggles down into the blankets and immediately shuts his eyes. Dean is just thinking that maybe he can fall back asleep on the sliver of bed he now has to himself when Jack whispers, âI had nightmares again.â
This is the sort of thing he only admits to Dean (and, sometimes Sam, although Samâs not really around at night), because while Cas is....himself, and extraordinarily caring, sometimes Jack doesnât need someone to fix things, he just needs someone to listen.
And Dean knows all too well about nightmares and about fathers ignoring them, and he knows he hasnât always done right by Jack, so whenever Jack wants to talk about this stuff, Dean listens.Â
âSame old?â Dean whispers back. For a three-year-old, Jackâs had a hell of a life. Shit, heâs really had two lives.
Jack nods, barely perceptible in the dark. âDo they ever go away?â
âOne day, yeah.â And itâs true, Dean thinks. If you had told him five, ten years ago, one day youâll hardly ever have nightmares, one day you wonât find yourself at the bottom of the bottle every other night, one day youâll be really, truly happy, he woulda said you were full of shit.
But now heâs got Cas (all the words are wrong for him--husband, boyfriend, partner, Cas is just...everything), and his giant of a little brother has Eileen, and heâs got a kid whoâs willing to turn to him for comfort, and Dean knows that everythingâs gonna be alright.
(He reconsiders this in the morning, when Cas, unaware that Jack joined them in the middle of the night, rolls over into Jack, which causes Jack to accidentally push Dean off the bed. Maybe everything will be alright sans a headache.)
The thing about grief is that itâs got all these goddamn layers, and just when Dean thinks heâs sorted out all his shit, thereâs another thing to deal with.Â
Thatâs where heâs at this morning.
He woke up at four and watched Cas breathe next to him for a full hour, continually reassuring himself that Cas was, in fact, still alive. Eventually he started feeling like a crazy person and hauled himself out of bed, which landed him where he is now, standing in front of the big bay window in their kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee.
Itâs nearly six now, the coffee half-cold, and part of Dean wants to go get his slippers so his feet arenât directly on the chilly tile, but instead heâs...stuck here.Â
Sometimes this feeling goes away when the sun fully comes up, when light floods the kitchen (painted yellow, per Casâ request) and the rest of the house. One of their first post-Chuck priorities (minus pulling Cas topside) was moving out of the bunker.
Sure, it had been Deanâs first real home, after that long-burned house in Lawrence, but it was underground, and something about suddenly realizing that he was forty-two and actually free for the first time in his life made him want to get out as fast as possible, away from all those memories and towards the light.
Hence the cup of coffee--even cooler now--in a mug clumsily painted by Cas with sunflowers and the big kitchen with an island and an honest-to-god hanging pot rack and Deanâs slippers, in their living room by the big, squishy green couch (theyâre shaped like bunnies, Jack picked them out) and the three rooms upstairs--a guest room, for when Sam and Eileen (frequently) visit, Jackâs room (crammed with books and Legos and a race-car shaped bed Dean built himself because, surprise surprise, you canât buy fun toddler beds for toddlers that are adult-sized), and Dean and Casâ bedroom, where Cas is still soundly sleeping.Â
âHello, Dean.â
Or not, apparently.Â
Dean turns to see Cas standing at the foot of the stairs, in his pajamas, with a sleepy, lopsided smile on his face. Dean gestures at Cas and he pads over, shoving himself under Deanâs free arm and plastering himself against Deanâs side.
ââSÂ early,â Cas says, yawning and reaching for Deanâs coffee. Dean pulls it away from him and Cas tilts his head up at Dean, frowning.
âItâs cold,â Dean replies, âAnd you can get your own.â
âBut I donât want to.â Cas pauses. âHow long have you been up?â
âCouple hours.â Itâs nice to feel Cas against him, warm and solid and real. Decidedly not a dream.Â
Cas, as always, can tell whatâs eating at him, and he moves away, pulling Deanâs fingers away from the mug and setting it on the kitchen table. Then he takes Deanâs fingers and presses them against his wrist. After a few seconds, Dean starts to feel Casâ heartbeat, steady and regular.
âIâm still here,â Cas says, moving his hand to hold Deanâs properly. âCome back to bed?â
Dean nods, swallows. âYeah.âÂ
Eventually, Dean drifts off as sunlight starts to seep around the curtains. Heâll be woken properly two hours later by the aforementioned adult-sized toddler trying to wedge himself into their bed, but for now, he holds his hand against Casâ heart and lets himself sink back into slumber.Â

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Dean wakes up to the sound of a very insistent five-year-old saying, in a poorly concealed whisper, âPapa. Papa! Wake up!â
Despite the fact that itâs probably six in the morning and Deanâs supposed to be asleep right now (long weeks at the auto shop always knock him out), he pulls himself out of bed and pads around to the other side of his bed, where Jack is standing, poking Casâ face.Â
Dean crouches down to Jackâs level. âPapaâs sick, remember?â
Jack looks down at his feet. âHe has the flu.â
âYeah, he has the flu.â Dean holds out his arms. âBut Daddy can play with you instead.â
Jack sighs and lets himself be picked up.Â
Dean knows that he can't quite replicate Cas and Jackâs special Saturday mornings together, but he can sure as hell try. The two of them always watch Plaza SĂŠsamo, the Spanish version of Sesame Street, together, because language learning needs to start at a young age, Dean, and Jack has a mug of warm milk so he can be just like his Papa with coffee.Â
(Leave it to Dean to marry an elementary school librarian.)Â
Then, they make pancakes, which usually gets Dean to actually wake up and join them. After that, they go to the farmerâs market.Â
And every Saturday is perfect.
But two days ago, after spending eight hours with snotty-nosed kids, Cas came home more exhausted than usual and then promptly passed out on the couch. One trip to the doctor later and it was confirmed--Cas had the flu.Â
Which means that Deanâs gotta figure this whole âmorning thingâ out.
"What do you want to watch, Jack?â he asks, and Jack shakes his head.Â
âI wanna color.â
âAlright.â Less time in front of the television is totally cool with Dean. He sets them up at the kitchen table, rummaging around on the bookshelf next to it until he finds the stack of recycled paper that they use for Jack to color and the box of crayons and markers.Â
While Jack sets about drawing (there are several of his drawings from school stuck to the fridge--studies in crayon with Daddy and Papa and also Uncle Sam and Aunt Eileen and Grandma written on them in Jackâs kindergarten teacherâs neat handwriting), Dean makes coffee, and then decides to also make Cas some tea for whenever he actually wakes up and also to heat up some milk for Jack.
By the time he gets back to the table, Muppets in Space mug with warm milk in it in one hand and his coffee in a mug shaped like a spark plug that Cas got him because he thought it was funny in the other, Jack has used several sheets of paper, and Dean bends over him.
âWhatcha drawing?â Dean asks, and Jack tries to hide the paper with his tiny arms.
âItâs a secret,â he says. âYou have to wait âtil I'm finished.â
âOkay, okay.â Dean sets the milk down and then sits next to Jack, grabbing a piece of paper of his own. Heâs halfway through drawing some sorta-realistic flowers (Cas has a big garden in their backyard that he loves to work in when heâs not, you know, actively dying of the flu), Jack is finished and poking Deanâs arm.
âLook,â Jack says, shoving his drawing at Dean. âIâm just like you, Daddy!â
Itâs a drawing of a car, with two stick figures holding clumsily drawn wrenches standing next to it.Â
âItâs you and me,â Jack adds. âWeâre gonna fix the car.â He studies Deanâs face. âDo you like it?â
âI love it, kiddo.â Dean mashes Jack into a hug until Jack wiggles in protest, and then Dean tickles him, getting a laugh out of his son.
Later, while Jack is occupied with choosing between strawberries and blueberries for pancakes, Dean heads upstairs with the aforementioned mug of tea. Cas is sitting up when he gets to their room, with the comforters bunched around him, and he lets out a feeble cough.
âHowâs Jack?â Cas asks, gratefully accepting the tea and taking a sip.Â
âHeâs great. We colored.â
âOh good.â Cas coughs again. âCan you make sure to--â
âGet kale at the farmerâs market? Already on the list.â
âAnd more honey from--â
âThe Turners?â
Cas smiles at him tiredly. âHopefully later I can--â
âYou can sleep later is what you can do. Iâve got this under control.â Dean presses a kiss to his husbandâs forehead and turns to leave. âAlthough Jack and I will bring you breakfast in bed.â
âCan I put in a vote for strawberries?â Cas asks.
âIâll see what the boss says.â Dean grins and then heads out, gently shutting the door behind him.
So maybe heâs not a morning person, and this isnât a usual Saturday in the Winchester household.Â
But sometimes, unusual can be kind of nice.Â
they went back to the field by the windmill for a picnic with toddler jack later because cas really did love it there and dean liked it because cas liked it and they wanted to make some positive memories there. cas taught jack how to make flower crowns while they were there and eventually convinced dean to let him weave flowers through his hair with so much love in his hands as jack clumsily did the same for cas. jack tried to climb the windmill and cas panicked and tried to stop him and dean smiled and said âlet him, sweetheart, heâll be okay. heâs a kidâ and cas still made dean go stand next to the windmill to catch him if he fell. they listened to the soft birdsong and the brook and dean sang soft love songs into casâs hair while jack curled up and slept on the blanket they brought. and every time they drove through that area they stopped in that field; cas insisted, because dean had chosen it for him and he loved it and all the memories they had there, even if some of them hurt.
Cas likes to wake up and sit on the porch in the mornings, watching the world wake up. He likes it even better when it rains, pounding on the roof and dripping off the eaves, thunder complementing the squeak of the porch swing as he rocks.Â
But today itâs unexpectedly cold--not just a solid, comforting drizzle but a proper storm, and Cas is loathe to go outside. He lays in bed, listening to the sound of Dean breathing, until he canât stand the taste of the inside of his own mouth anymore.Â
Dean shifts slightly as Cas gets up, but doesnât awaken. Cas is extra careful as he pads out of their room and to the bathroom--the floors of their new-old house creak, and heâs sure to miss the boards that he knows make the most noise.Â
One of the things that Cas wanted, when they decided to get their own place, after years underground, was a real bathtub. (He didn't stipulate that it needed to fit two grown men, but the one they found did, and heâs never complained about that.) He turns the taps on now, on the hotter side of warm, adding in some bubble bath that smells of lavender, and then rummages through their bathroom closet for a towel.Â
(Dean is always disparaging Casâ inability to neatly stack freshly laundered towels, but Casâ theory is that he can find the towels, so itâs not really important.)
When the tub is full, Cas strips off his pajamas, leaving them in a pile next to the bathmat, and climbs into the tub, sinking into the water. He lets his eyes slide shut and the pounding of the rain fill his ears.
Itâs meditative, almost, and Cas isnât sure how long heâs been in the bath before the water sloshes, displaced. He lets his eyes flutter open to see Dean climbing into the tub.Â
âWhat time is it?â Cas asks as Dean settles in next to him, their bodies pressed close together, overlapping slightly to fit.
âAbout seven,â Dean replies, dropping his head onto Casâ shoulder, still drowsy.
Cas tightens an arm around Dean. âWhy are you awake, then?â
âBecause,â Dean lifts his head to look at Cas, âI married a maniac who gets up at the asscrack of dawn to watch the grass grow and take baths.â
âYou still love me though,â Cas teases, and Dean responds by kissing him and then pressing his face into Casâ neck.Â
âIâm going to go back to sleep,â Dean says, âKeep communing with the bubbles or whatever.â
It occurs to Cas at this moment, with the solid warmth of Dean practically wrapped around him, that he never could have dreamed this up, never could have imagined having his own house with the one he loved, and being loved in turn.Â
Perhaps he had been wrong, before. Happiness can be in the having. And heâs happy to have this.Â