#flower edition

And knowing the story of Joseph in the Bible, it’s sort of similar how he was in his hometown and he was thrown into a pit. And though he grew up with brothers, he was separated from them and was enslaved to a foreign country in Egypt, a foreign land. And he was thrown in prison. But by God’s grace, not only was he rescued from the prison, God was there all the time. He [Joseph] was used for His glory. At the end, he was able to save the entire nation and surrounding people including his brothers back home from a huge famine that was in the land.

And so similarly, I was in the pit of depression—had a bunch of suicidal thoughts. I was just done. One day I was at school. I went to a Christian school believe it or not. God used a classmate of mine. When he shared his story of how he was going through a rough time and he was losing a lot of hope in his life and when he made a decision to end it all, he got a phone call and long story short, God used that to save his life. And when I heard that, that night it was as if God was giving me a direct phone call. As much as I ridiculed Him, I did not want Him in my life, I thought before that if there was a God then He would not be interested, that He didn’t really care. Why would He allow something like this to happen?

What I did not know was the He was there all this time, just like He was there with Joseph in the prison, in the foreign land, while he was a slave. I was enslaved to many different addictions of pornography, video games. I resorted to the use of drugs to get myself high to run away from my reality of pain and suffering. Yet, the true reality was that God was always there, hope was always there. God amazingly turned me from being downcast, distraught, [someone] full of sin, to one that decided “yes I’m going to give my life to Him” and He started using me. He used me and shared with others through me His grace, His mercy, just like He used Joseph to save people in the famine. He used me to save people in spiritual and mental famine in this land. So I’m thankful for how God has been a Rescuer in my life and know that He can save anyone, anyone that will respond to Him.

Revelation 3:20 shows that Jesus is knocking on the doors of our hearts today. He is standing there, calling your name, ready for you to answer Him. Just like Aidan, will you respond to Christ’s call?

But then God still changed me. And because He knows I’m not easily convinced by miracles and signs, He placed me in His work, so that I can see Him changing people.

If God didn’t change me, I would still be fishing actual fishes. God fished me from an aquarium and set me free in the ocean where I’m supposed to be at. And here am I, sharing how God is so good, thinking: why do people say that I’m like a “Peter” before conversion? 

So I try to look at what Peter said in the Bible. And in 1 Peter 1:8 it says, “You love Him, although you have not seen Him, and you believe in Him, although you do not now see Him. So you rejoice with a great and glorious joy which words cannot express, because you are receiving the salvation of your souls, which is the purpose of your faith in Him.”

Since I search for logic when things don’t make sense, the Bible says to me: Even if you don’t see Him, love Him. Even if you don’t see Him, believe in Him. Because I am receiving salvation from Him, which is already so enough for me to have faith in Him. Also in chapter 2 verse 10 it says “At one time you were not God’s people, but now you are His people. At one time you did not know God’s mercy, but now you have received His mercy.”

I was a troublemaker, but then the fact He’s inviting the troublemaker to be His people, the fact that He’s using the troublemaker to be part of His work, the fact that He died for the troublemaker to be set free, it’s literally Him staying in jail instead of this one serial killer who could just turn away from serving Him at any moment. He [Jesus] took that risk. 

So by just listing down all those things that He has done for me, I just said in my mind: I am no longer the Old Benjamin anymore. I cannot stay as the old Benjamin. I can’t. God literally took that risk. And I’m ready to take any kind of risk that is for Him.

There are still many things that I have to change, I have to learn, I’m not perfect. But I’m for sure in a process of changing. I hope that the old Benjamin won’t affect the way you see the new Benjamin.

Chermilyn: God is in the business of changing lives. And as I listened to your story Jaemin, it’s so crazy, because God rescued you to rescue others. And every single time you see someone else being rescued and changed by Him where you see them giving their lives to Jesus or see them grow a love for His word, or see them get involved more—that is a clear reminder of who God is and what He’s done for you. Like Jesus took THE greatest risk by dying on for us. And just like Jaemin and Peter, will we decide to take any risk for Him?

Kenesha: God is my Rescuer. I like to believe that the rescuing He does isn’t just a one time thing, but He is constantly rescuing us each day from things seen and unseen. When I think of God as my Rescuer, I think back to a very pivotal point in my life, which ultimately forms the testimony of how I truly came to love God. How I found my own faith.

About 8 years ago, in 2012, I began a 2-year long battle against anxiety and depression. It started in my second year of university when my family was hit with a huge financial challenge that rocked the very foundation of my world. You see, although I had grown up in the church all my life, my faith wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. In this trial of my life, the foundation of my faith became very clear. It was anchored in earthly possessions and other people, rather than in Christ. With facing financial and educational uncertainty, I gradually fell into a pit of hopelessness and despair. I sank deep into depression and anxiety feeling like there was no way out. Everything around me felt and looked dark. I almost lost my job, I started getting sick, failing classes, and I stopped going to church for a while. I found myself turning to other people and different things of the world to bring healing for what I was experiencing, but nothing worked.

When I look back on my experience, I am reminded of the story of the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5:25-34. This woman was struggling with her issue for 12 years!It was a long time time, and no doubt it was embarrassing to deal with. She was looked down upon and she lost any sort of value that she had in society. The story tells us that she spent all that she had on physicians and medicines, but they did not help her. But then, she heard about Jesus, and she knew that if she could get to Him, she would be healed. So in her desperation she pressed her way through the crowd past her embarrassment and whatever people would say about her and in faith, with all the strength she had left, she reached out and TOUCHED HIS GARMENT. Instantly Jesus knew that someone had touched Him and even though He was in a crowd, He knew this touch was different. Something happened. Power had gone out of Him. Jesus turns around and sees the woman. She fell down at His feet, and He NOTICED HER among all the other people in the crowd. This was personal. These next words really get to me. Jesus says to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your affliction” (v. 34). Jesus saw the woman FIRST, then acknowledged her condition. He healed and rescued her from the very thing that was ruling her life for so long.

Just like that woman, one day, I made a choice to stop reaching for the things of the world to heal me, to save me, and I started to reach for the Saviour. In faith each day, I fought my way through depressive and anxious thoughts and reached out to my Saviour. I held onto promises from His Word, and I prayed with faith that He would rescue me from the grips of this mental illness. The rescue was a process, but it happened. In the summer of 2014, I finally found light in the midst of darkness, and peace, through much prayer and counselling. He rescued me! I gained a clearer picture of who God is, and He is indeed my Rescuer from day to day. Although this was a hard experience, I am thankful that God used it to lead me closer to Him!

There’s a beautiful song by Lauren Daigle called “Rescue” that speaks to my experience. The words that she is singing is from the perspective of God speaking to us through our trials.

Lyrics:

I hear you whisper underneath your breath

I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It's true, I will rescue you

I will never stop marching to reach you

In the middle of the hardest fight

It's true, I will rescue you

So no matter what trials you’re going through in life, you can have confidence in knowing that God is always there to help you and to rescue you.

Chermilyn: Kenesha, when I hear your story and how it relates to the bleeding woman in Mark, I take a look at my own life---how there are times where I turn to so many other things, praying to find medication. But you have just shared the beautiful assurance that there is someone I can turn to, and His name is Jesus.

Will you, just like Kenesha and the woman in Mark, take out your hands and reach out to the One who is able to rescue you?