It didn't matter who else was there, mako hues refused to shift. Glued to her figure. Like an angel, she seems to appear before him once more, all light && shinning in the current dark. But any hope, relief, joy that might come with seeing her again is halted. Jaw clenches, he can't he doesn't want to see her here, as much as h's missing her, seeing her here can only mean one thing. ShinRa's got her && with that thought hammering him his mind, heart drops.Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Aerith ?Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Why was she here ?Ā
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ā Ā your Ā name Ā has Ā echoed Ā through Ā my Ā mind Ā and Ā i Ā just Ā think Ā you Ā should Ā know. Ā ā
ā ... āĀ Ā hues carefully & silently look towards the other the moment words slip from her mouth . is trying to comprehend WHAT exactly she said . but ... itās not connecting . something isnāt connecting for him . something is ... WRONG . what did she say ? but more importantly . whatās going on with him ?Ā
your name has echoed through my mind
itās a fever dream , for him , that is . heās OVERWHELMED with a strange sensation . trying to figure out what aerith said is throwing him in a loop . this has happened before , many times prior to this - all for completely different reasons though - & , yet , always manages to KEEP it together . for the most part . but THIS ? this is ... well , this is different .
& i think you should knowĀ
his name ? CLOUDāS name ?Ā
wait , no . thatās notĀ ā
could it be ?
& suddenly , just like that , there is a sudden & sharp PAIN that hits his head . it leaves him REELING back . just like usual . scattered memories flurry around . he is struggling to understand . there is also a PART of him that wants to know , but something causes him to wince . & suddenly heās SCARED . why is cloud scared ? why is he - ? wait .
there is absolutely NO way that itās his name that echoes in her mind .
& honestly ? THAT is what concerns him the most .
he is not good enough .
he will NEVER be good enough .Ā
it is unfortunate that he is unable to find the missing pieces of the BROKEN memories . but he knows for certain that .. he is NOT what she thinks this is .Ā heās been living as a forgotten memory .
his name is NOT what echoes in her mind .Ā Ā
ā aerith ... āĀ Ā he starts . but he stops . why does he stop ?
ā there is something you should know .Ā ā
that nothing safe is worth the drive
ā iĀ ā ā Ā takes a few breaths . he is ... worked up . heās dizzy . & frustrated . but ... he wants to focus . he WANTS to . for her . for aerith .Ā he is afraid , & yet , it doesnāt stop him . oh ! if DOESNāT stop him ! itās never stopped him before . so why would it now ?
so . hands lower slowly & only slightly . counts to TEN . then ponders his next words CAREFULLY . if he is going to say something , then , at the very least , it has to be well thought out . ( just say what you want to , cloud ! tell her the truth . ) well ...
ā i donāt know if i can believe that . but ā āĀ Ā at least heās being honest . honest & true .Ā Ā ā i would like to . ā
vomit / donāt ship / okay / cute / adorable / perfect / beyond flawless / hot damn / screaming and crying / i will ship them in hellĀ
i have to admit that this ship was not a ship i had originally . probably cause while playing the game originally my head was like brrrrr tifa & cloud & zack & aerith .... but after like ... looking deeper at their relationship and finiding out how MUCH they go through together & like ... rewatching the scenes in the remake , and just getting a better grasp on cloud i think i have a better understanding of how IMPORTANT aerith is to cloud . it's hard for me to explain other than exolaining that its definitely a refined taste for me . i DON'T automatically ship them . but i think from what you & i have been able to plot & discuss & write , i realise now that i fucking love & adore the ship a lot . but ... you already knew that im lowkey a bitch for cute ships & will ship anything if the chemistry & vibes are there .
theyre very cute though . adorable . & honestly i absolutely LOVE that cloud would get himself into uncomfortable or stressful situations for aerith . she definitely helos him loosen up and i want you to understand that he really needs that in his life . aerith helps him open up . & it's not like he actually HATES anything she does . he might act like he doesnt like it but . honestly ? if he really didnt like it , he'd do something about it . anyway . i think theyre very wholesome together . š
02. Ā the high priestess Ā : Ā how does your muse make decisions ? do they trust their instinct or would they rather trust their heart / their logic ?
09. Ā the hermit Ā : how introspective is your muse ? how often do they self - reflect ?Ā
16. Ā the tower Ā : what event drastically changed your museās life ? do they resent that event or are they glad of it ?Ā
a read more cause SOMEBODY wanted me to write an essay :/ ( jk ilu babe )
HIGH PRIESTESS .
lol .Ā
thatās how i had that drafted for an answer . just ... lol . all jokes aside though , i would say that cloud has some sort of this strange BALANCE of decision making . i wouldnāt say that it is the best kind of decision making as it can be quite situational .i canāt say that it is SOLELY just instinct . & it isnāt that he trusts his heart or logic . itās just .... strange for cloud .
cloud MEANS well . he does . & the choices his make seem to have DOUBLE meaning to them . sure , heāll tell you he doesnāt care . he tries so HARD to not be emotionally invested in something . but we all know differently . heās NOT as callous as he tries to be . ' just a merc with no obligations to anything ā is what heāll say . whatever pays him in the end , right ? thatās the logic behind that . thatās what heāll run with . while thatās far from the truth , he STILL has some attempt to follow that thought process .Ā but thatās not how he REALLY runs .
but he also doesnāt run on JUST instinct either . sure . some things he does . there is no thought process behind it . he just does whatever comes to mind at times . he acts on whatever naturally causes him to move . when i say he has no filter , he really DOES just have no filter . so in that regard itās just an instinctual regard . not a care in the world sometimes , it seems . he just does what he does .Ā
itās something heās had to do in order to SURVIVE . to take it day by day . that being said , heās self preserving due to his past . he may not realise it or know himself . but it really is a key component to how he makes decisions . this is something that he is NOT consciously aware of , which is why he goes off instinct .
but .. if you really look at cloud , for who he is as a person . his ACTUAL self & not this facade of a person . you are not looking at the mimic & liar - the actor of some twisted act of his but as cloud , as himself . cloud is the TYPE to trust & go by what his HEART tells him . you even see that facade chipping away when he is interacting with people he cares about . with tifa & with aerith . hell , EVEN with zack . that is the true cloud .Ā
though he does often fall back to his heart , even his heart tells him wrong sometimes . which is why sometimes he just .... doesnāt REALISE what heās doing . cloud is quite shy at time , timid , a lot of it is because of how broken down he has become , but still happens to OFTEN be quite selfless . even through his cold demeanour , heāll stop & hesitate . heāll do what he TRULY believes is the RIGHT thing to do . even if it goes against what he tries to be . because he is inherently a good person who just wants be the hero . no rational or instinctual based person would do that . this is somebody who goes with their HEART .
THE HERMIT .
quite . i would say . at the very least , MORE than what others may think of him . he is still dense as fuck though . make no mistake of this . cloud will not UNDERSTAND a lot of subtle hints or cues even if itās so obvious . it has to be done on MULTIPLE accounts for him to even pick up those hints . but itās not like he is purposely ignoring people . he just has a LOT going on in his mind at times . well ... i say that , but sometimes theres NOTHING going on in his head either . itās just head EMPTY , but that isnāt all the time . its like cloudās thoughts go from elevator music to INTENSE symphonies sometimes so its just ... hit or miss with him .
introspection . heās better with . because that isnāt always mutually inclusive with self - reflection . while he doesnāt always show it nor would he ever ADMIT it , but sometimes his input to a problem or situation has been GIVEN a lot of thought into it . sure heāll say , i donāt think . & thatās sometimes partially true , but its not the whole truth . heās just a bit slow at it at times . other times heās already been thinking about it . thereās A LOT to think about at night , after all . or when heās not suffering from the constant pangs in his head that either come from jenova or from his shattered memory . itās something that should be kept in mind because DEPENDING on what heās thinking about could trigger different things for him .
self - reflection . though . is something that cloud takes a while with . this is most likely due to the fact of what heās doing unintentionally . people , quite literally , have to TELL him directly to do something , & often times they have to REPEAT themselves . otherwise he just will not know or realise to do it . itās usually when he notices that theyāre upset or worked up that he is able to be pushed in the RIGHTĀ direction . couldnāt tell you why , probably cause thatās part of cloudās true self that wants to help or do the right thing for others .Ā
THE TOWER .
do i have to pick ONE event ? thereās like so MANY that have deeply affected cloud . being unable to save tifa when they were younger - & then getting blamed for it . being unable to actually make it into SOLDIER . the loss of those he cared about the most . hell , just mako poisoning alone is something as well . like thereās a LOT that has affected him immensely so to chose ONE event from all of that ? itās hard . not impossible , but hard . REALLY hard .
with that said as well , i think its not so much the EVENT that happened , but rather how he had RESPONDED to said events . i think the experimentation is the MAIN catalyst for it but itās what happens afterwards - its what cloud does after thatās more important . heās so traumatised & grieves from what heās experienced & lost that it had managed to ALTER his own personality . i would think that is , perhaps , something thatās pretty DRASTIC , wouldnāt you ??
does he resent the event(s) ? is he glad ? well . the thing is that heās so BUSY trying to forget what happened that he canāt really be bothered to really answer that . the short & easy answer is that . heās NOT glad that it happened . but to say he resents it ? well , thatās where it gets a bit more blurry .
cloud would go back & change things if he COULD but he canāt . he wouldnāt be able to . he knows this . itās not something that he can go back to do differently . heās not anywhere near glad that it happened either . in fact , it just left him more damaged & broken than before . canāt really be happy THAT happened , you know ?Ā
iād go off about this more , but im getting really sleepy so this is what you guys are getting .
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ā if you want me to kiss you, all you have to do is ask. ā
heās rather quick to reply .Ā Ā ā what ? no , i - ā Ā not so quick to FINISH the thought .
what makes aerith assume that ? was it how heās looking at her ? sure , she has this STRANGE allure to her that heās FOND of . sheās cute , really cute , & heās not really or ENTIRELY sure why , but ... no - hold on - cloud ,Ā noĀ .Ā he doesnāt need this right now . he DOESNāT want to kiss her . does he ?
ā i ... āĀ Ā he actually doesnāt know . maybe he does ? well , actually ? no . no , he doesnāt . he doesnāt ... KNOW .Ā ( ugh . ) but what does he naturally do then ?Ā Ā ā tch . āĀ Ā he scoffs .Ā Ā
itās all he really CAN do to push down the confusing thoughts . heās flustered . wait ,Ā MORE than flustered . can feel his face turning a bit WARM from her comment . why is she ALWAYS like this ? trying to get him worked up ? & for what ? for what ! is she TRYING to break through his cool demeanour ? ( sheās always like this ! ) sure , heāll do anything for aerith - he cares ! but , heās NOT the type to ask for ANYTHING . would have thought she picked up on that by now .
heās not really good with these kinds of things .
ā hmmm . āĀ Ā heās not upset . heās NOT scowling at her - he cant . the sound he makes is more pensive than anything else . heās trying to THINK . it isnāt really reflective in what comes OUT of his mouth though but at LEAST he tried .Ā Ā ā what makes you think iād want that ? āĀ
ā Ā iām sorry, iām not what you think i am. Ā ā
ah , so she thought he had some sort of solid opinion on her . true , perhaps there are SOME thoughts about aerith in their time together . an acquaintance , sure . ALLY ? without a doubt . friends . POSSIBLY . not that there would be any admission to it , but there was a fondness for her . more so than others - even if she was just a LITTLE annoying . but it is quite BOLD of anybody to assume that he has a certain belief in somebody being a certain way .
donāt expect anything & youāll never be disappointed .
ā maybe you should tell me who you are then . ā Ā
stops in his TRACKS to look back at the other . the way he STARES back seems like he is being slightly confrontational , but he isnāt TRYING to be . cloud isnāt annoyed or upset . may be brash in those words , but it is simply becauseĀ he is just saying whatever comes to mind first . he is being GENUINE in his comment . he wants to know . is actually more CONFUSED than anything else .Ā
why did you say it like that , aerith ?Ā Ā
ā youāre the one involving yourself with me , shouldnāt i be the one to tell you that ? ā Ā
@floraheartā / @nightgaledĀ sent. Ā ā kiss me like you mean it. ā [ from floraheart xox ]
Whatever awkwardness that may have settled previously, dimpled grin now stood front && place. Bending down till unnatural hues met that nature's tint of hers. He shifts ever so close, till there's only a fraction of space between them, their joint breath intermingling in the space between.Ā Ā
Ā ā Ā Ā This what you want ? You sure you can handle it ? Ā Ā ā Ā Ā A heartbeat passes && then another, till his own anticipation seems to ring in his ear, egging him on, despite his want to draw this out && tease her. MAYBE HE'S THE ONE THAT CAN'T HANDLE IT. This closeness, liquid hope that seems to stream from each shared word, each laugh, each kiss.Ā
Lips press against hers. ONCE, TWICE a flutter of small kisses, each longer than the last, till fingertips find their way to cup each cheek, he's breathless now, needy. Ā EVER so desperate for this, for her. He has to feel her, to feel her warmth, her touch && know she's there. that this isn't another fantom dream to hold onto in the dark, that this is real && he's back, back together with her && the warmth her laughter brings.Ā
