Emmett and Isaac teasing Kyle in volume 1...

First and foremost, I'm a gay 19 year old male who clings to his furry persona like a person hanging off a cliff above a pit of angry, starving crocodiles that haven't eaten in a week. However, I don't act like this in the general internet outside gaming, tumblr, and I sure as hell do not show this part of me in public. My family and friends know, and fully supports me and my thoughts, and I have more than I ever could wish for with this support. In comparison, I have it pretty fucking good in comparison to a lot of other LGBT people, which leads me to my first subject in this long philosophical shitpost.

Leelah Alcorn. That name carries a lot of weight here in Tumblr, and I'm not gonna use it lightly. My views on her are both criticism and supportive. I know what you're thinking, why would any LGBT person criticize Alcorn's death? She was ending her pain and making a statement doing so. When she came out, her parents rejected her for who she is, and forced her to do things which I don't even want to think about Conversion therapy, some religious bullshit treatment that thank goodness is being called out by President Obama this week even. That made me really happy, because the entire LGBT community and many supporters who are not combined their voices and made themselves KNOWN. That I can 100% and heartfully approve of. I really want to see more of it.

Leelah's suicide caused a media shitstorm. Fingers and labels were everywhere. There was anti-this, anti-that, "gay person commits suicide" headlines, mass outrage both for and against. I know. I was there. I was in the middle of it all. My friends were in flames. I had people who knew I was gay saying "You're one of them right so aren't you like really depressed as well?" That just didn't feel right at all. I was actually pretty upset, because I was being labeled along side countless hundreds of thousands of others of being something I wasn't. I wasn't depressed at all back in the January. well, not as much as I was 3 years ago. I really dislike being labeled as something I'm not. I'm not some depressed suicidal. I'd actually like to build a happy-go-lucky human-dragon hybrid that just wants to make people smile; and hell let me tell you, I love it when I get called "Gay furry faggot scum" on games because that's exactly what I am. I don't have any qualms with that. Leelah's suicide sort of pushed this unwanted attention on me that I just shook off, and over time it ended. What I don't approve of is how it started. I think Alcorn's suicide was just stupid and pathetic. Yea, I said it. But here's why I think this way. I was once very close to suicide myself, though I was not gay at the time, I felt like there was nothing I could accomplish in my life. And sure a lot of us felt that way in one point or another. My ordeal wasn't helped by the loss of two teachers, my grand mother, and two of my best friends. I actually remember that day, and I constantly wonder why the hell I came so close. It's because I realized that my voice doesn't matter. And it never will. Not by itself. And that's one of the reasons why I am still here. That, and my own grim obedience to Life's rules and fear of death.

In this day and age, I've sort of learned that your average every day person doesn't really have the power to speak alone. They want things to happen, and sure they speak out about it but until they get support, it's not easy. It starts in a 1 vs 1-quadzillionbillionmilliontrillionsrillion scenario. That one person, assuming there's nothing special about him, much like myself, isn't gonna get much from speaking out by himself. Instead, that one person needs to get support from one person. That two becomes four, four becomes 10. The challenge is getting started, and I can't agree at all with how Leelah started the movement, even if it resulted in something I am very favorable of.

Changing subjects slightly, but this leads to another thing I have a huge issue with in my life. Ever sense I joined tumblr, I got this really heavy anti-government vibe and while I can understand and relate, certainly I want anti-everything-positive shitlords in pinstripe suits gone and removed from office, the answer is not getting angry and spouting words over the internet, which seems to be the case with all the recent tension with the police shootings that have received so much attention. Yes, its terrible, it's abhorrent, I think the officers who do it should get the death penalty, but that's not the point I want to make. The best way to get change in this country is by banding together and pushing for change. Together, we can push for better police policy, for better treatment of LGBT, for better everything. The best way to make it happen is by voting.

Voting! Elections! Political bullshit! Hallelujah! Talking heads on TV yadda yadda yadda. who gives a fuck? I do, and you should too. America was founded on the principle that the people have the power to change the countries laws through voting and election. It goes on every day, in the Senate, the House, even the common workplace of the average person. My gripe with tumblr is that people feel so anti-government they don't vote because they think the country's going to shit. Which it probably will if nobody cares to raise their voice with others to bring attention to all the issues at hand! We, the people vote for who gets to sit on those chairs in DC, if we don't like them, we have the power to kick them out in the next election term. But only if we get up and actually vote. The mere fact that people of my age group (18-21) are throwing away the constitutional right we have to vote and thus possibly change America is disheartening to me. You can't change the rules by refusing to play by them. It's like a game in that sense.

I compare life and living to a game. There's cause and effect EVERYWHERE. And just like in games, there are rules to life which can't be broken. However, that does not simply mean they can't be changed in some way. We're constantly finding ways to improve our life through scientific, social and many ways. 20 years ago, the mere thought of 3D printing was still a fantasy. We have what we have today because we worked for it. We progressed through life's never ending puzzles and games to get to where we are today, and we ain't ever gonna reach the end, because there is no end. That's one of those silent little rules that everyone knows is there but can't really change because it's simple blatant fact.

But one of the big rules in life is that you only got one foreseeable lifetime to do things. If you kill yourself, you break that rule, and you're out. No coming back ever. Leelah broke this rule of life without even attempting to see what rules she could have otherwise sought to change. Breaking rules is a big no-no. Changing them is the key, but the trick is taking the necessary steps to do so. You get what I'm saying kind of? Part of me see's Alcorn's suicide as a sort of cheating way to get out of actually working for that change, and that is why I can not respect her suicide 100%. But the change is happening right now as I am typing this. But we shouldn't stop here.