#flirtingfun

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- You think that neither partner should have to empathize with or nurture the other. The effort to understand each other's thoughts and feelings needs to be improved. - You and your partner are on your own when facing difficulties or distress. You don’t offer assistance or protection to each other. - Another person, task, activity, or thing takes priority over you or your partner. - You each put your needs first when a conflict involves your needs as a couple. - You take the axiom, “You do you, and I'll do me,” too far. - Your agreement, spoken or unspoken, is, "If it's good for me, then you need to accept it." Your relationship needs to be a priority. This view might not be popular with some, but your partner needs to be a priority over every other relationship in your life. This does include the kids as well. If you are in a blended family situation, this is a fine line that you must draw. You don't love your children any less, but the relationship with your partner is the priority in the home. In actuality, this will give the kids the boundaries and security that they need. The first step is for both of you to agree that you will prioritize your relationship in your life. And then you have to agree to work as a team to make the necessary changes to accomplish this goal. Then, when you are successful at this, you will achieve a happier and more fulfilling marriage. It will be so worth it! Steps to make your relationship a priority 1. Adopt the “We get to” mentality. Instead of thinking, “we have to do this," try re-framing your attitude to be "we get to…." We get to make our relationship a priority. I get to grow with you and learn how to love you better. I get to find out what you think and feel about things. 2. Be intentional about emotional connection. Be intentional about spending time each day -  just the two of you. It can be just a few minutes each day. Love Recon seminars and Recon Coaching teach the Dyad System to help you communicate on a deeper level in just a few minutes. In addition, you should get your copy of the 40 Days to a Thriving Relationship book. It was written help couples make the most of their quality time together. And, of course, plan a date night or a weekend getaway without the kids. Make it a priority! 3. Express gratitude daily. Expressing gratitude for your partner and things in your life will keep you focused on the good and positive aspects. You will realize your relationship's value and will be less likely to put it on the back burner. Thank your partner for the little things they do and the more significant things as well and how it makes you feel when they do them. 4. Empathize with your spouse. Empathy is sharing the feelings of someone else. Share your highs and lows, wins and challenges with each other daily, and be sure to enter into your spouse's feelings as you do. Statements like, "That must have been incredible!  I wish I could have been there to see it!" or "I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that today. Are you okay?" can let your spouse know that they are a priority to you and that you care about them. 5. Assume the best.  We tend to assume the worst about situations or even about our spouse. Try thinking that you love each other and want only the best for each other. Then, when one of you says something insensitive or unkind, it will be easier to resist assuming that it was hurtful on purpose. 6. Love your partner according to their "love language."  The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a book every couple should read.   Chapman’s premise is that everyone experiences love in five primary ways, called “love languages.” If you are not expressing love in a way that makes your partner feel loved, then you are wasting your effort, and they are feeling unloved. But, on the other hand, if you understand your partner's love language and each love each other accordingly, you will feel loved and cherished. 7. Tell each other first. If you have something to tell others about, share the news with your partner first – not your friends, parents, or co-workers. Your partner needs 8. Be playful and flirtatious.  Come on! You remember how to do this. You could meet at a bar or restaurant, arriving separately and pretending it's the first time you have encountered each other. You don’t have to leave home, however. Tickling, touching, laughing, seducing – have some fun! - Don’t neglect to say, “I love you!” Those three words don't grow old. Say them in the morning when you wake up,  when you are leaving or arriving home,  when you are hanging up from a call to each other, and randomly when you're together. It's a reminder that you are each other's person and lovers, not just roommates. You're in it together. Two people, one couple – all in! - Be affectionate. Hug, hold hands, snuggle, give each other a quick kiss. And do this in front of the kids so that they can have a healthy role model of an affectionate, loving relationship. You could also adopt the 10-second hug or 10-second kiss policy. You can call for a 10-second hug or kiss, and the other must comply. You'd be surprised how good it makes you feel! To prioritize your marriage or relationship, practice these suggestions, especially when you don't feel like it! For example, you may not "feel" loving, but if you act in loving ways, your feelings will catch up. You can't feel your way into an action, but you can act your way into a feeling.    If you want to discuss how we can help you and your relationship, please get in touch with me at [email protected] or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information. Read the full article

Judged Condemned Unimportant Lonely Despairing Unwanted Powerless Rejected Threatened Invalidated Failure Controlled Feeling Defective Misunderstood Disconnected Devalued Not Trusted Afraid Abandoned Worthless Unhappy Neglected Humiliated Ignored Every hot button has an origin, and it is not your spouse! What made your hot button an emotional trigger? Was it a controlling mother or a father who devalued your thoughts and opinions? What is being humiliated or bullied at school? Dyad Share with your mate the origin of your two hot buttons. In LoveRecon, we taught you three steps to managing your hot button. The first thing that you do is take ownership of it. You say to yourself, “I’m being triggered and I feel________”. (Insert the name of the hot button: controlled, neglected, etc.) The next step in managing the hot button is to “expose the lie and embrace the truth” about the hot button. Hint: The truth is usually the opposite of the hot button! The third step is to share with your spouse how they might help you in managing this button. Example:  I get triggered when I feel worthless. The truth is, I am valuable and loved. You can help me manage this button by telling me that you love me at random times and giving me a hug. Alternate sharing your hot buttons following the script below: * If for some reason you feel that you are being triggered to the “point of no return,” go to Day 23, “Time Out”. A: Complete the following statements - “I get triggered when I feel…” (Insert the name of the hot button). - “The truth is…” - “You can help manage this button by…” B: Complete the following statements - “I get triggered when I feel…” (Insert the name of the hot button). - “The truth is…” - “You can help manage this button by…” If you have more hot buttons that you would like to process with your mate, simply follow the three steps above. End with a hug, a kiss and a prayer or wish for your mate! TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Find an interesting location for a photo shoot and then take pictures of each other. Do fun, unusual poses. Print them and make a scrapbook or post them on social media for your friends to see. Wnat to know how we can help you turn your marriage into something amazing? Read the full article

Emotional intimacy won't just happen. After the initial thrill and rush of a new relationship subside, the real work of marriage and building lasting intimacy begins. It is a job, but the best job that you will ever have because you are building not only a relationship but a fulfilling life and a lasting legacy. Following are some ways to build the foundation of Emotional Intimacy: - Build Trust To build Emotional Intimacy, first, build trust. Your spouse needs to feel safe with you if they open up their innermost self to you. Likewise, you need the same. Honesty and consistency over time will build or rebuild the trust required for intimacy. - Show Your Commitment Don't just verbalize your commitment; live it out. Let your spouse know that you are "all in."  Don't compare them to others. Have eyes for them only. Include them in your plans and goals. Stick with them and be present in the tough times. Leave no doubt that they are "your person." - Communicate Daily Have daily conversations just about the two of you. Share how you are feeling, what you are thinking, what your wins were for the day, the biggest challenge you are facing, etc. Really listen and empathize with each other.  - Work on Yourself Is there anything from your past or a previous relationship that prevents you from being vulnerable with your spouse? Does your anger get out of control? Is your stress level affecting the way you relate to them? - Spend Time Together Invest time in your relationship. Make it quality time by, first of all, taking a break from electronics. Put your phones down and turn the television off. Take a walk together, cook together, or do home maintenance together. In the course of daily living, look for ways to spend time together, not for ways to get away from each other. Of course, weekend getaways and vacations are lovely, but it's in the everyday routines of life that Emotional Intimacy is built. - Be Vulnerable Be the one to initiate more profound and meaningful conversations. Open up and let your spouse see into you first. It can be risky, but it's worth the risk if you want a more connected and intimate marriage. - Validation is Key Validation is perhaps the most neglected element in communication, yet it is the key for both to feel heard and understood. Validation does not mean that you agree with your spouse. It simply means that you value them and their thoughts and feelings. For example, "I understand where you're coming from," or “Thank you for sharing how you feel about that,” “I love the way your mind works,” etc. - Use Words Wisely Words have power; therefore, choose your words wisely. Be positive and accepting, allowing your spouse to feel safe, not guarded and defensive. - Be In the Moment When you are with your spouse, be present. Make eye contact with them. And, again, don't let electronics rob you of the connection you want.  - Be Generous Be generous with your words. Give genuine compliments and kind words of encouragement. Be generous with your time by occasionally creating blocks of time to be together or doing a task that will save your spouse time. Do small acts of kindness like charging their electronics or the more significant gesture of booking them a massage. If you know their love language, ramp up your efforts to make them feel loved in the way(s) that they prefer.   Building Emotional Intimacy will take time and effort, but you can do it. A strong foundation of this kind of intimacy will give your marriage a solid and sturdy base.   If you want to learn more about the five types of intimacy or how Love Recon seminars and coaching can help you and your relationship, don't hesitate to contact me at [email protected] or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information. Read the full article

Here are just a few of the ways that you can begin to develop more humor in your life and marriage. - Smile often. Body language speaks volumes to your spouse. Be mindful of your facial expression and what you are conveying. A scowl or a frown could shut down any chance of humor and fun.   - Move toward laughter. Any time you hear laughter, seek to participate in what is happening. When appropriate, enter the conversation and merriment.   - Spend time with playful people. It has been said that we become like our top three friends. So, individually and as a couple, spend time with fun folks, and it will rub off on you. - Use your own humor in conversations. A sense of humor is not just about telling jokes. You may have a quick or dry wit or an ability to see the humor in situations. Whatever your type of humor, develop it by using it. You do have a sense of humor. It may just be underdeveloped. If you don't know what it is, ask your spouse or those who know you best what they think that it might be.  - Create opportunities to laugh. One of the best ways to do this is to watch funny movies, television shows, or online videos. Comedians skilled in situational humor can be a source of laughter as well. Be careful, however. Dark or profane humor or humor that degrades others can harm your psyche and your relationship.   There are a lot of relationship tools that can help you to build a solid and satisfying marriage. You may not have considered laughing together as one of them. If, however, you and your spouse develop a great sense of humor, you will create a bond of friendship and connection that will bring you much marital joy and satisfaction. If emotional baggage and damage prevent you from finding humor in life and situations, a marriage help seminar or marriage retreat could greatly help you. Contact Love Recon today to find out how. It's what we do! Read the full article

experience physical touch with your mate: - Snuggle on the Couch. Physical touch is the objective here, so whether you are checking your email or watching TV, ensure that your bodies are in contact with one another.   - Hold hands. Whether walking together or conversing, holding hands is a simple and easy connector.   - Shower together. Since you will clean up anyway, why not make it a shared experience ?"You wash my back, and I'll wash yours!" “That darned soap just keeps slipping out of my hands!”   - Do a stare-down. If "the eyes are the windows to the soul," why not look into the eyes of your soulmate? Rarely do most couples pause long enough to make eye contact, even for 60 seconds. Hold hands and look into each other's eyes without saying a word, and "listen" to what your heart will tell you.   - 10-Second Hug or Kiss. Make it a game. Either of you may call for a 10-second kiss, a 10-second hug, or both! Don't make it a prelude to sexual intimacy. Instead, enjoy the physical connection and the benefit of lowered blood pressure and stress.   - Exercise together. Even if you are at different levels, you can simultaneously exercise in the same room. The couple that sweats together, well, sweats together. A video call could work if you are in separate locations.   - Dance around the kitchen to your favorite song or track. Even a 3-minute dance has great bonding power.   - Kiss hello, goodbye, good night, and "just because." It has even been proven that kissing builds immunity because of the shared germs!   - Give a shoulder rub, foot rub, or full massage. A brief massage is enough to feel closer to and more appreciative of our spouse.   - Sexual intimacy. Sex can be like a fast-food drive-through or a full 7-course meal. The key is to be intentional and to talk about your sex life. Decide on the frequency that works for you – once a week, daily, twice a week, etc. Discuss whose responsibility it will be to initiate. Just remember, "Women need to feel loved to make love. Men need to make love to feel loved." Intellectual Connectors   - Read a book together. You could each download it or get your own copy so that you read it separately and then discuss it. You could also alternate reading it aloud to each other and then discussing it.   - Play a game. It could be a card game, a board game, or an online game. Just enjoy it and agree that the loser will do one of the other’s household chores or whatever the winner requests. Use your imagination!   - Watch a documentary. Expand your knowledge as you strengthen your couple connection.   - Make a couples' vision boar. Dream about what you would like to achieve and experience as a couple. Include where you want to live and how you want to live. What goals do you each have, and what goals do you have as a couple?   - Create your bucket lists. Each of you create a bucket list of what you would like to do in your time here. Then, you can encourage and support each other in accomplishing those things. Spiritual Connectors - Pray together. Prayer is simply a conversation with God. You and your spouse are inviting God into your relationship and your conversation. If you are unsure how to do this, consult with a friend, a leader in your church, or a qualified relationship coach. An online search could be of assistance.   - Pray for each other. When you are driving to and from work, as often as your spouse comes to mind, pray for them.   - Read scriptures. Read or listen to scriptures and discuss them. A simple formula to do - What are 3 things that we can learn about God from this passage? - What are 2 feelings that I/we have about this passage? - What is 1 action that I/we can take based upon this passage?   - Attend worship together. Services are offered at various times, ranging from traditional to contemporary music and messages.   - Join a group of other couples for study and fellowship. Many churches sponsor small groups that meet either on campus or in homes. Members encourage and support each other as they “do life” together.   Emotional Connectors - Pay attention. Listen intently. Put down your phone. Let your spouse know that they are a priority in your life. Validate them by giving them your full attention, even if only for a few minutes. Sixty seconds is longer than you think.   - Share your highs and lows. Every day, take a few moments for each of you to share your "high" and your "low" for the day. Empathize with each other. To empathize is to share their feelings. Celebrate their victories, no matter how small, and join them in feeling their disappointments and defeats.   - Admire and appreciate each other. Every day, share one thing you admire or one you appreciate about your spouse and how it makes you feel. To admire is to focus on a positive character quality. For example: "I admire your perseverance. It makes me know I can count on you, no matter what." To appreciate is to say "thank you" for something your spouse has done that has lightened your load. For example: "Thank you for plugging in my phone last night. It made me feel noticed and cared for."   - Get ready for bed together. Perform your bedtime rituals together. Talk and pray together. Kiss goodnight. Try this, even if one of you will get up to finish a project or some other productive task.   - Smile! Be mindful of smiling at your spouse as often as you can. Communicate your love and gratitude for them through your facial expressions. Again, body language communicates much more clearly than words.   Staying connected is work, but it is the most rewarding work you can do! Anytime you feel disconnected, be honest with each other and intentionally do the things that will draw you closer together. If this is not possible, consider getting marriage help through a marriage retreat or a marriage seminar. Love Recon experience or Recon Coaching can help you reconnect or connect for the first time. It's what we do! Read the full article