#matsulight

god just. just imagine being Matsuda dude. imagine. Imagine looking up to someone so much, almost like a father figure, a guiding light of morals you try your best to emulate. And when he dies in front of you, you latch onto his son- imagine that you share his grief, and when he gets over it even quicker than you that's a flaw on your part, because you've always been weak and nobody ever hesitates to tell you. You take the derision and abuse in stride and refuse not to play the optimist because it has to be someone, and, well, that 'someone' always ends up being you. Imagine being so utterly self-sacrificing that people call you a coward. Thousands of hours with a smile, internally conflicted but brave, but so so scared, last man standing, the weak link that never breaks. Imagine that the evil you've spent six years fighting is the same son you've spent six years idolising. Imagine your hands shaking around the trigger. Imagine pulling it.