#fleursnet

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This post is so that I can tell you my story. I’ve been very anonymous on Tumblr the whole time I’ve been here and very closed off for a majority of my life, but I think it’s time to let all of you in on what growing up has been like for me.

When I started to talk, I also started to sing. I sung all the time, making up stupid, unintelligible songs, humming, and making my parents crazy in general. It didn’t stop when I got older and it hasn’t stopped now. I’m the annoying kid in class who gets told to “shut up” all the time because I’m humming or singing and I don’t even know it.

If I didn’t know my purpose in life -- if I didn’t have this talent, I wouldn’t be alive today. I’ve tried to commit suicide twice and I think part of the reason I didn’t succeed was because not all of my gumption was in the attempts and the universe wanted me to survive because I have a reason to be on this Earth.

I have to believe that I wouldn’t be the same person if I hadn’t gone through what I did as a child. I have to believe that I needed to learn not to trust people from a young age, how to cope with stress, and how to be strong.

My parents never got along. Their relationship is a co-dependent, toxic mess that I’ve never been able to understand. My father is an alcoholic and had serious anger issues that he only managed to overcome when I was in high school, so his fights with my mother often turned violent, and he would end up in jail, often on holidays or my birthday. My mother was mentally and physically abusive and I’ve never had a great connection with her because of that. She has tried with all her heart to be the best mom she could be, but I believe there are just some people who should never be mothers, and she is one of them.

So, my childhood looked like people screaming at each other 24/7, taking out their frustration on me, and being isolated. I had no one with whom I could speak about what was going on aside from my friends, who were all kids just like me with no power to change anything. If anyone called CPS, my mother would just lie to them about what happened and tell the police/etc. that I just wanted attention.

I finally made the call myself after a particularly bad fight with my mom in a car, which resulted in my finally being put into foster care. Being in the system has put me back a lot in regard to achieving my goals, and my goals have always been the same: moving to Los Angeles, networking, and making a name for myself. I have not stopped striving for this since I was two years old, and I won’t until it happens. I’ve auditioned for Suite Life on Deck, American Idol, America’s Got Talent, as well as having been involved in the upcoming Netflix series Thirteen Reasons Why, some local music videos, and eventual commercial work through my new agency.

In addition to this, I’m actively seeking a full-time job and have had to drop out of college in order to do everything that I want to do. I plan to attend a conservatory abroad once I get myself established a bit here, but right now the plan is performing, since I have already been paid to do it, and I want to continue to be paid to do it. I am eligible for SAG (Screen Actors’ Guild), but I believe that my career needs to take off a bit more before I join, as I don’t even have the funds to join right now.

How you can help me: Please visit my Go Fund Me page! If you can’t donate anything, that’s totally fine! Send me a message, watch my videos (on my Go Fund Me & FB pages), check out my Facebook, reblog this -- there are a billion different ways you can show your support for my ventures, and your support means everything to me, after growing up with parents who never believed that I could do this because they had such a rough go at life themselves.

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