#flawed project

The ultimate couple quiz! Which couple was triumphant?? Watch my latest video collaboration with Larson Smit and Jamie Tecson! Subscribe! 💕

Have you seen my last video? I shared all my favorites for the month of April! Go watch it now and subscribe to my channel because I've got a NEW VIDEO going live in less than an hour!!

Since I wasn’t able to post yesterday, here’s a really quick update! Squeezed in  bit of inspiration incase you needed it today. Don’t worry, I’ve got a new video dropping this Thursday just in time for all the Marvel madness!

Now that it's summer, some of you may start feeling unhappy because of your body or because you're not doing much. Whatever the reason is, if you're not feeling that great about yourself, watch my latest video to make yourself feel a lot better!

I took 2 weeks off from my usual internet routine to figure out some things and what to do next. So I started a 21-Day Challenge for myself. 

My ultimate goal for this chapter in my life is to regain control over my thoughts, emotions, and most importantly my depression and anxiety. 

I plan to do this by lessening my time online and only posting when it has to do with the Flawed Project. 

A ton of meditation and reading. Taking meditation breaks throughout the day to check in with myself will help me stay centered and calm no matter how stressful a situation can get. Finding the time to read more will be an important tool for me as I continue the Flawed Project(both on and off the mat).

Lastly, more mental health days where I don’t worry about teaching or work or the channel. Just taking a day off, no gadgets, just yoga, light reading, relaxation, and peace.

Each time a problem arises or when I feel like one of my demons are about to reappear, I have to pause and get to the root of it right away. Understanding the different sides of each situation and resolving it before it gets worse. Making sure to work on each aspect of my life, keeping it balanced for my own well-being.

Not only will there be changes in my daily routine, but also with The Flawed Project. I will no longer do the usual daily posts here. I’ll be moving all of that on to my Facebook Page. Over there you’ll get the same content, Music Mondays, Tube Tuesdays, Website Wednesdays, etc. I will post entries like this one here on Tumblr.

Hopefully I can keep doing 3 videos a week on my channel especially when December comes since I have a new project to take on. I will try my best to do so ‘cause the flow works for me that way.

Why do I wear masks?

I had to rewind a bit to understand this question. Then I got it.

I grew up with my mom as a single parent. She is a perfectionist. Image is important to her. You have to uphold your reputation because it’s everything. People will talk if I don’t keep it together and that needs to be avoided. So I got that from her. A lot of my biggest issues root from the idea that I need to be perfect. I remember doing so many activities as a kid, ballet, tap, jazz, voice, piano, a lot of performing, and of course not neglecting my grades in school where I was expected to be number one as well. So at a young age, I lived by the thought that I NEED TO DO MORE, TO BE BETTER. 

In turn, I never thought I was enough just as I was. I believed that it was what I did and how other people saw me that defined me.

Fast forward to a few more years, I grew up in a different country with not much guidance anymore. I was away from my mom during my toughest years. I didn’t have anyone to really look up to to help me get through it. So I was heavily influenced by images I saw on TV, online, and in magazines instead. It was all I had. My insecurities were at a high, my self-esteem was at an all time low and I did not feel good enough at all. So I took up these different personalities, these masks, to make myself fit in, to make me like me.

I’ve carried that with me until today. Except now, I’m done with wearing these masks. I’m ready to throw them away and just be the real me. I want to love who I am, all of me, for what I am. With all my flaws and imperfections. Not ashamed of my mistakes. Not embarrassed by my story. Not afraid of my past.

It’s been two weeks since I posted regularly and this song and video is the perfect entry.

I don’t know what would have happened to me if I also didn’t have anyone who pulled me up from my recent fall. It’s always scary to face your inner demons and to have someone help you fight them is truly a blessing. It’s why I am still here.

Watch Jess Glynne’s Take Me Home music video.

I bow down to the divine wisdom within me. All-knowing, powerful, infinite. Overflowing with LOVE and FORGIVENESS, radiating with LIGHT and HOPE.

I am secure and safe. Everything is where it should be right now. I am always grateful.

I am passionate and creative and imaginative and I live my life according to that.

I am strong, powerful, confident. I have always been independent and I can stand on my own. I am brave. I trash all my insecurities and face my fears. My ego does not have power over me. My anxieties do not have power over me.

I am loved. I am open to being loved and loving others unconditionally which may mean being vulnerable and weak sometimes when needed. I shut down any sort of judgement towards myself and others. I see the best in others.

I can express myself properly. I listen when needed and speak up when I should.

I follow my intuition. Meditation will always hold me together and lead me down the right path. It strips away my ego and floods my mind and heart with loving things.