#flashbackpoem

How is it we can lie

Entwined, as one

And in this state

I am home

Worthy, whole, loved

 Then just one look, a smell, a body-memory

Yanks me back in time

I’m right there again

Lying there

Worthless, ashamed, naked, vulnerable.

I recoil at your touch

Your hands are now the same hands that hurt me

My skin crawls

I want nothing more than to climb out of it

To rip it clean off

Burn it.

My throat restricts

The weight of the trauma sitting heavy on my chest

Making it hard to breath

Snake like tendrils wrap themselves around my heart

Squeezing the warmth away                

Turning it into a cold, black lump

Which rises up into my throat

Choking me

 How is it

In an instant

I can go from loving you implicitly

To hating you like I hate them

Even though you are still right there beside me

It’s like you’re suddenly a million miles away

I feel as cold and alone as I did back then

I freeze and go numb

I feel lost