#flamerry

The temperatures had started their unfortunate yearly drop a bit earlier this year, but Harry didn’t see much of a problem with it now that he had someone to snuggle with in the early mornings. When she hadn’t woken up yet and snored softly, wheezy noises came from her peaceful body and her body soaked in every bit of his ‘furnace like’ body heat she had complained about when the weather had been warmer. She would curl further into him these days, sticking her cold feet in between his legs and hiding herself under the covers and letting his head peek out to ‘watch for danger’ while she hid in his chest. He had never known how much the little things really did add up.

“Crazy for you, my love.” He cooed, meaning every word of it. He also knew it would get the little gag from her, pretending she hated his mushy, gushy words and how much of a complete and utter sap he was. He would pretend he believed the act. “C’mon, you love it.” he let her turn in his arms, his grin wide on his face. Y/N could see his flushed cheeks and pink nose from standing out in the cold instead of the warmth of his car to pick her up and she felt that little burst of fondness move through her tummy up to her chest. Leaning up, she graced him with a chaste peck to his lips. “I love you. Not your gross mushy stuff. And m’still annoyed with you.”

She wasn't. She was milking it and they both knew that, but as Harry usually did, he went along with her little faux tantrum.

“I had to leave for class this morning, dove.” His exhaled was soft, the warm breath against her lips making her nose crinkle before pulling back and folding her hand with his. “You’re the one who’s been telling me how important it is for me to go.”

“Since when did you listen to me?” She scoffed. “You could have blown it off and spent the morning with me. It was so cold. I was all alone when I woke up again.” Y/N pouted just a little bit and he couldn’t help but smile, shaking his head as he tugged on their joined fingers to lead her towards his car. “Like the damn arctic. Your big, hairy, manly furnace body had taken all the heat. For what? For class you don’t even like?”

“Well, first of all, it’s quite literally your fault it’s freezing. You insist on the bloody fan being on all night long and leaving the window open a crack because you ‘fall asleep better cold and warmed by me’ so… you can’t blame me for that. However, the second thing? It’s not like I wanted to. I had to. I’ve been slacking off ever since you’ve moved in.” He joked, nudging her arm with his own. It was his own doing, really, and he knew it. He needed to be better about it but he often slacked off of classes because it was a lot more appealing to soak in the syrupy kisses and soft, dreamy whispers she could give him. Y/N freshly woken up - in the right way- was the softest he could get her without being the one to fuck it out of her.

They were quite a way into their relationship now, months and months under their belts when they’d finally decided to move into Harry’s place together. His was the choice because it had far more space and their landlord would allow pets. Something Y/N wanted desperately when they graduated and had more time to dedicate to one. His space had truly become theirs over the last few months. It had been littered with her things for ages now but he had never seen so many hair ties and bobby pins in his life. Never knew how many pairs of socks two people went through in a wash, never knew how much bathroom space she could take up. Thank god he had two bathrooms. She had effectively booted him from the master.

Harry didn't mind though. If it meant having her there, he was happy. He didn’t need personal space when it came to Y/N. She was his other half. His soul mate in every sort of way.

Living together officially had taught him a lot of little things about her. She had different shampoos and conditioners for different ‘phases’ of hair washes. She bought razors in bulk, the pink and blue ones, until Harry had convinced her to go for a more sustainable one with refillable cartridges. She had an addiction to the sugar scrubs of different scents or ‘flavors’ as she insisted they call them. She hated wet bath mats and always changed it because stepping on a wet mat ruined her night. She sometimes neglected to properly wash the toothpaste out of the sink when she was in a rush but she got upset about it once so he decided to clean it whenever he noticed. The little things mattered quite a bit to him, he was finding out more and more.

“Ugh.” Y/N grunted. “We’re almost done. You can take some participation points. Especially when I was planning on doing some dirty shit this morning and you ruined all my plans.” her pout was now morphing into a teeny smirk, knowing that would get him. Y/N had harped on the importance of going to class but now that they lived together, it felt a lot different. Waking up without harry felt astonishingly sad, as dramatic as that was. She liked to be a bit indulgent in her mornings now, rarely waking before him but hoping for the opportunity to see his floppy hair and the stubble that grew overnight to give him a bit of that rugged look. His sleepy eyes when he woke up and his big cat like stretch that he did once he was awake enough to feel the stiffness in his joints. Those things had her falling deeper in love with him.

She had been unsure how sex would be after they confessed their love, but if anything? It had gotten even better. Miles better. The full trust, the lack of secret feelings and fully letting them bloom and plant more seeds of love in every single time they joined that way, it had improved their connection. Sex with feelings was so much better than anything else they'd experienced. Plus, there was no fear in asking to try something out. Kinks, experiments, anything. Sex had a new meaning between the both of them.

Harry was quiet for a moment which she knew was him internally cursing.

“Well you didn’t tell me that.” He replied, a bit strained. “You just told me not to leave and you’d be cold in that sad, sweet little morning voice and broke my heart a little. I didn’t know you were planning on being a dirty little minx.”

“I’m always planning on being a dirty little minx, Harry. Keep up.”

Y/N still kept him on his toes. She kept him close, but popped him on the ass to keep things exciting. Harry ate every bit of it up. Every sassy remark, every eye roll, every sweet secret snuggle under the covers. He had fallen in love with her when she gave him the most shit, when she poked fun of him and smacked his ass when he walked past, when she would take the piss out of him for the matching mugs he bought at the shops but used hers every day. Y/N’s personality had many layers and he loved each and every one as she uncovered them to him. She wasn’t just his lover- she was his best friend.

“I’m trying, baby. I’m always gonna try.”

—--

“It was bad enough when you two were macking on each other when you were drunk. Seeing it sober is going to make me need to bleach my eyes.” Niall groaned, pressing the pint to his face as if to mask him from their chaste pecks.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at the man, turning back to Harry and grabbing his cheeks in her hands before planting a real kiss on his mouth. It was out of spite, yes, but she would never say no to an opportunity to kiss Harry. The man took it in stride, placing his own bottle down and hooking a hand around the back of her neck with a pleased yet surprised hum as he leaned down to keep up with her. It was when tongue was visible and Harry let out a groan that Niall began to make his protess loud.

“Oi! Enough! Enough! Is this a softcore porno? Give it a rest!” He hissed, making the rest of the table chuckle.

“You kind of asked for it, Ni. They were being cute before and you had to make a snide comment. You know how Y/N is.” Sarah laughed, leaning into Mitch with a shake of the head.

Y/N pulled away from Harry with an audible pop, looking over to the man. “If you kept your mouth shut and let me say hello to my boyfriend in peace instead of groaning and moaning like a little bitch like you do every time, perhaps I wouldn’t have to do it.” She shrugged. Pulling her sweater sleeve over her thumb, she turned back to Harry and wiped a bit of lip gloss from the corners of his lips. As pretty as he looked with glossy lips, the shade she was wearing didn't suit his skintone today. His olive undertones had said thanks, but no thanks.

“I never would have thought that Y/N would turn into a mushy and soft girl for anyone. She hated men before Harry.” Adam admitted, which was honestly the thoughts of a lot of the group. Y/N hadn’t been a very warm and fuzzy person but with Harry, she allowed herself to be visibly sweet and vulnerable in a way that made them all genuinely happy for them. Harry had looked at her like she hung the moon and the stars even before they got together, the both of them oblivious to those feelings, but she had been the shocker.

“Uh, don’t get it messed up. I still hate them. Not Harry, like every basic girl will say, but he knows and will be paying for his crimes. He knows.” she shrugged, lifting his arm and snuggling into his warmth. Her own drink was half finished but she preferred to cuddle up with him. He had a long three days of classes and work after so she hadn’t gotten much time with him. She wasn’t going to skimp on giving him a kiss because she knew Niall would groan and complain.

Harry was smart, simply nodding and raising the drink Y/N had ordered for him. He didn’t mind letting Y/N take the lead for this sort of thing. She didn’t need him defending their honor when she did it so easily and very, very well.

“I know when to keep my mouth shut, mate. You should give it a try.” He snickered at Niall who rolled his eyes.

“You are whipped. The mighty have fallen. You’re a househusband as it is, I can’t believe it. Like a little puppy, you follow her around. If it wasn’t cute, I’d be having an intervention.” Niall fake gagged again. His banter with Y/N about their relationship was a frequent thing at this point and they were all used to it, their heads pin-ponging back and forth as they spoke.

“I can not wait until you fall in love, Niall. I will take every single opportunity to remind you of these words right here.” Harry sighed dreamily. “I am going to tell your lover exactly what you said and they will probably take the piss right along with me. I hope you get t’fall in love like I have. It’s my wish for all my mates.”

“I will never be as sappy as you, H. Never. Mark my words right here and now. Y/N has some sort of spell over you and I applaud her for that, but no one is going to turn me into that pile of goo you turn into whenever she calls you ‘baby.” The man snickered but everyone else around them smirked knowingly. Niall put up a good front, but when it came down to it.. They would all see.

“Trust me, I am. It’s marked and set. I will come back to this conversation one day and you will eat those words.”

The night continued as usual, but Y/N felt more needy than usual. Her affection was more blatant, both to annoy Niall and make him slightly uncomfortable being one of the only single ones in the group now, but also having missed Harry quite a bit. Her cheek rested against the soft fabric of his jumper, his shoulder broad and a good thing to relax on. Her hand held his firmly as she stayed quiet, observing him interact with their friends. Seeing him simply exist as a human was so fascinating to her. Y/N wasn’t always a major talker and Harry didn’t mind. He kept his routine of checking in, making sure she was okay and pressing kisses to the crown of her head in between lulls of conversation. Even distracted, he was attentive to her emotions.

“Y’good?” he whispered against her hair. “I want to go home in a few minutes. The shift kicked my ass and I need some quiet. That's okay with you?” Harry would stay longer if she wanted but he could tell she wanted to go home. They’d been more and more busy lately so meeting up wasn’t as frequent as their friends would like, so both of them had said they needed to make more of an effort. It was easy for them both to spend all of their free time with each other and forget about other socializing. They were truly best friends, so time together at home was their first choice most of the time. Harry had always been more social than her though, so she put thought into that when they had first started dating for real and made sure to plan meetings with friends when she could. She didn’t want them to resent them together because they were now dating and attached at the hip.

It had worked quite well. Everyone had gotten busier though, so it was more understandable now. Y/N was selfish with Harry and he with her, though. They’d had enough socializing for a while now that they’d been in a bar for a hair too long. Y/N was itching to get home to their quiet and peaceful home they’d been curating together and spend time together alone. Navigating the time spent between school, work and friends hadn’t been easy, no, but it had 1000% worth it. Harry was worth every single effort she could make.

Harry's deep voice broke her out of her thoughts, his hand slipping out from behind her to hold her own, standing up to help her up. “Let’s get out of here and have some wine at home, hm?”

—-

“Isn’t it crazy?” Y/N asked softly as they curled up naked on the couch yet again. His fingers twirled damp strands of hair as he turned to look at her eyes, slightly hooded as they recovered from a lazy, dirty fuck. One of his absolute favorites. Freshly shower Y/N coming into the living room where he had been on his laptop, dropping her towel and standing there with an arched eyebrow. She was his for the taking, so naturally he snapped the top of the laptop closed and lifted his hips up to dispose of his sweats.

“What, my love?” He asked, still a bit groggy from the post orgasm haze. She had done that thing with her hips and he had cum quite hard. In fact, he was still inside of her, keeping all his cum snug and safe. They’d need to get up in a few moments, but he was relishing in keeping himself warm inside of her. That being said- he hadn’t full been paying attention to what she said.

“Just said that we were two idiots and we almost lost each other because we had communication issues. Well…” she paused. “I did. I got scared. For a bit I thought you were too good for me. Sometimes I still think that. But I was so scared of the possibility, so against being hopeful that I was dumb on purpose. Waiting to be hurt when I didn’t have t’be.” her cheek was stuck against his slightly sticky chest, fingers brushing through the thin dusting of chest hair between his pecs. He had started to leave it alone once she mentioned how sexy she found it.

“I do think it’s crazy. But I was the same way. At least we were idiots together, yeah?” His laugh vibrated against her cheek. “We had to confront it sometime. We’ve gotten loads better at talking since then, too. You n’me, a dream team. No more hiding stuff, unless it’s the times you go about and drink the last of the orange juice and try and gaslight me to say I did it.” He snorted, making Y/N groan.

“One time. That was one time, and I genuinely forgot because I was hammered.” Y/N defended. “We have gotten better though. I only threaten to break up with you twice a day, probably.” It was an ongoing joke that neither of them were bothered by. Y/N threatened him with it for sneezing one too many times in a row. They both knew they were never going to break up.

“Mhm… Can threaten it as much as you want, but we both know you’re gonna be my wife.” his finger gently brushed the bridge of her nose. “Soon m’gonna lock you down. Ring so heavy you’re cemented to the floor, all of that.” The discussion of marriage had already been had. Harry wanted to wait until they were settled in jobs, at least him, wanted to find a place they wanted to be. Probably close to his family since she had been welcomed into it so easily and was in cahoots with his sister. It was brutal, his two biggest protectors and bullies wrapped into one.

“So what is the point of this one?” Her hand raised in the air, the gold and blue gem sparkling against her skin.

“That’s just the promise, my love. The real ring for the real question will be much bigger.” He smiled, bringing the hand to his mouth and pressing a smooth kiss to her ring finger. The promise ring had been given just a month ago, promising her that he was devoted to her. To their future. They were finishing school and he wanted them to finish and for him to be able to make more to save up for the ring she deserved. The one on her hand hadn’t been cheap, no, but he had caught her looking on etsy at it multiple times before closing the browser. He had surprised her after a nice dinner and a drive down to the boardwalk to let her know just how devoted he was to her.

“I mean.. Don’t go too crazy, H. I need to be able to use my hands with it on every day.” Y/N warned. Harry loved to spoil the shit out of her. It always had made her a mix of giddy and uncomfortable. Happy to be thought of, that he cared that much and loved her enough to want to take care of her and get her things, but unable even still to fully let go of the slight guilt of him spending money on her. The one soothing factor was how happy he got to do it. To give her things and see her reaction, his wide smile when she gasped or thanked him over and over again. It seemed neither of them were truly ever disappointed, even when she teased him about the gifts.

“Sorry. I’m gonna go crazy. As big as I can go while being practical. I need a warning signal for all around that you’re mine, taken, and loved. People already try t’mug me off and flirt with you as it is. They’ve got t’get a clue.” he was partially kidding. “But really, you deserve it. Deserve an expensive, pretty ring. Gorgeous ring for my gorgeous girl. I’m plotting and scheming behind the scenes, my darling. Don’t worry too much about it.”

Y/N laughed, shaking her head before closing her eyes. His fingers were gently tugging at her hair as he played with it, another few kisses pressed to her hand before he placed their joined palms back on his chest. “Dunno why you’re laughing, baby. I’ve told you many times that m’gonna spend my whole life making sure that flame in your heart keeps getting bigger and hotter. Want my fiery girl to feel loved and confident every damn day of her life. So its not a joke, it’s a promise. You’re going to get the nice ring and whatever sort of wedding you want one day. We’re gonna spend a few weeks traveling across Europe for our honeymoon because that’s what you want t’do, and you’re going to be the first thing I see when I wake up every morning. Sounds like the perfect trade off.”

Harry knew it was a privilege to love her. He had always felt lucky that she had decided he was cool and funny enough to be her friend and then had managed to become her best friend. Now he was her lover, her confidant, her one day husband. He hadn’t known how he managed to get this lucky but he would never take it for granted.

The phrase of if he wanted to, he would, often hung over her head because it was true. Harry and this relationship had proved that to her time and time again. He was never too tired, never annoyed to do things for her. He thought of things on his own, he surprised her, he respected her time and space. Y/N didn’t need to ask for much because they were usually on the same page.

“I love you.” She whispered, lifting her head up enough to kiss his jaw. “Love you more than anything. Even if you’re a sappy, cheesy little thing. I’m really lucky to be loved by a man like you, H.”

The next day she had texted him to come over but he had replied that he had to go see his cousin who lived an hour away. That was fine, sure, but the lack of invite had stung a little. She had no right to be upset about it considering she wasn’t owed it, Harry had a right to hang out with him alone… but they usually went together. He had a cabin out near a lake and they’d spent a few weekends there with him. Y/N quite liked his cousin.

Usually he would text her an option to go, at the very least. She sometimes couldn’t because of work or classes but there wasn't even the option to deny it this time. He had simply left. He was answering her texts, not ignoring her at all, but it was obvious something was off. The energy, the vibe, whatever you wanted to call it was very wrong and it made her feel sick to her tummy. She was curled on her couch with a mug of tea, having finished her last exam today. Harry had finished his all in two days, choosing to cram them instead of spread them out like she had because it worked better for his brain to let things go in a short amount of time instead of holding off. Getting it over with was the best option.

She exhaled into the steam, taking a sip of the chamomile. It wasn’t as good as Harry made it, but it did the job.

Y/N was praying in her head that she hadn’t fucked everything up. The more days he was gone, the more she realized she had become so used to him as a daily fixture, looked forward to her daily dose of his silliness. Being without him made her feel the echoing emptiness in her chest. Cold and sad and generally miserable. It had caught her off guard. She prided herself on her independence, on her ability to take care of herself. It wasn’t that she still couldn’t do that. It was the fact that she felt like something big was gone every day, wriggling under her skin to let her know something was wrong. He had become routine even with his spontaneity.

4 days was starting to feel like forever. She just wanted him back.

-

The sounds of nature didn’t soothe him the way he had originally sought out. Sitting on the dock of the cabin, he felt it bob with the water as he held his knees to his chest. It was a bit nippy out, still early in the morning. The cool air helped wake him up, his tea in a travel mug next to him as the sweater did it’s best to keep him as warm as it could. The rising sun was peeking through the trees, the momentary warm when the leaves fluttered and exposed it a breath of relief.

The weekend here had been good for him in a lot of ways, but it hasn't fixed everything. His heart still ached. It ached in a way he had thought people were dramatizing in the movies and the songs. His hand rubbed at the spot his heart rested under but no amount of soothing did much to keep it from aching. Throbbing and not in a good way. It was this weekend that opened his eyes up to seeing that it was just as bad as people said. Being in love was so multidimensional that it sort of freaked him out.

He had always been a fan of love stories. The gooey and mushy, the cotton candy softness of two people’s eyes meeting and the rest being history. He was a crier during romance movies, enjoying the final reconciliation at the end with the kiss and the promise of forever. He had never been fond of sad endings, of the protagonist losing the girl and walking out into the night alone. In his mind, everyone deserved love and deserved to feel adored.

With Y/N, he had felt that sort of adoration. That’s part of why he felt so confused. So conflicted with the situation. There was no way he had been reading her adoration wrong. Y/N wasn’t an overly affectionate person with people. That much was obvious to anyone who knew her. She was down to give a hug but she didn’t lay on the flattery thick. She didn't seek out touch. His Y/N was someone who kept her body and her vulnerable thoughts to herself. This arrangement, it had brought out a side of her that he had seen glimpses of but brought it fully to the front. Pouts for cuddles and sweet little kisses on the lips, giggles in bed. Her slipping her hands under his shirt to seek his warmth out, kisses smeared to his neck and cheeks and her smaller hands gripping his jaw so she could simply stare at him. She told him how beautiful she thought he was. Expressed how much she adored him, how much he made her laugh and how lucky she felt to be able to have him in her life.

So what the hell had gone wrong? What had pushed her away from him?

Harry had spent a lot of time wracking his brain to try and figure out what he could have done. Went through their days step by step, word by word to try and pinpoint what could have brought it on. There was nothing on his end, no change or risky behavior besides trying to express to her that night how much he had actually missed her. But even then, she had caved and came to see him. There had been no shift in their relationship until they were at the cafe.

He didn’t want to entertain the thought of her being into that bellend that had come up to the table, but that was the only thing he could think of. He wasn’t Y/N’s type at all. Obnoxious and obviously trying to get into her pants. He wouldn’t have much to communicate with her about. He wasn’t being judgemental- He had Niall look into the guy for him. Creepy? Maybe. But it had bothered him and Niall knew everyone and anyone. It took only a day for him to tell Harry just what he had suspected. The guy was a dickhead and he was definitely trying to get into Y/N’s pants.

That gross sick feeling had been lingering in his stomach ever since. He knew Y/N wasn’t hooking up with him simply because he had been getting pretty consistent texts from her about exams and he did trust her above all else. Y/N may be callous and a bit oblivious to people but she wasn’t a liar. She would be honest with him if she was into him. He had that faith in her. He still loved her, he didn’t think poorly of her even if the feelings weren’t returned.

“Still hiding from her?” His cousin appeared at the shoreline, fishing pole in hand. Harry stiffened slightly, wiping under his eye as a tear he hadn’t realized fell went down his cheek. God damn it. Sometimes he hated how sensitive he was.

“Shut up.” he grumbled, pulling his tea back to his lips as Jack laughed under his breath. His cousin wasn’t one to sugar coat things, let alone baby Harry. “M’not hiding. I’m trying to figure out how the hell to tell her that m’in love with her and we have to stop fucking around because if we don’t I’m going to lose my mind knowing she doesn’t feel the same.” Harry’s voice was hoarse from lack of use, this being the first time he spoke in quite a few hours. It was embarrassing to him, how devastated he felt right now, but he needed someone to talk to. Jack was the obvious choice. He was also the only other person he felt comfortable talking to about his emotions when they ran this deep. Usually it was Y/N… but obviously that wasn’t an option right now.

“Yes, you are. She’s been texting you every day. Obviously she isn’t upset with you or disgusted at the sight of you. I think you need to grow a pair and actually speak to her. She isn’t going to be patient with you running away for a long time.” That was a fact, unfortunately. Y/N wasn’t known for her patience. “H, you don’t know she doesn’t feel the same. Maybe she just put her foot in her mouth because you were acting like a caveman. I have always thought you two would end up together.” Jack sighed, loading up the pole with bait before casting, letting the quiet of the forest settle for a few moments so his words could sink in. “If you want my honest opinion, which you’re getting regardless of the answer, I think she is just as into you as you are into her. She loves you back. You got scared, felt rejected, and ran. I can’t say I wouldn’t lick my wounds for a day but you can’t hide out and not tell her. It’s gone past the way you can just brush it off.”

Harry knew he was right but he desperately didn’t want to admit that to him. His pride felt wounded enough as it was.

“I know. I’m just fucking terrifeid of fucking all of this up, J. She’s… she’s my best friend. I dunno what I’ll do without her.”

“Who says you’re going to have to go without her, Harry? Who says she isn’t going to be relieved you tell her first. Who says she isn’t going to say she loves you too and you two don’t ride off into the sunset to have dozens of stupidly cute babies and a bunch of dogs?” Jack sighed, a bit exasperated from having such an unusually pessimistic Harry to soothe for a few days in a row.

“Y/N is a cat person.” he muttered, wincing as he felt something hit the back of his head a few moments after. “Oi, what the fuck?”

“I threw a strawberry at that thick head to knock you out of your wallowing. Just go. Get the fuck out of my house and go home to her. She’s done with exams. It won’t distract her anymore. You can come back if she rejects you. But she won’t.”

—

Y/N: when are you gonna be homeeee.

H: actually, I just got home.

H: you cool to come over in a bit? An hour? I’d like to talk if that’s alright.

Y/N: sure, sure. I’ll be over.

She was going to throw up. Y/N was sure of it.

He wanted to talk. To Talk. That was never good.

Y/N pulled her sweatshirt closer to her body as she walked down the hallway to his door, hands shaking slightly. She’d never been this nervous meeting up with Harry and it was a very weird feeling, one she wasn’t sure she liked. With him, she felt pretty certain that she would be warmly welcomed, even before they’d had sex. He scooped her into a hug and she would grumble but sink deeper into the embrace when he failed to let go past the usual allotted hug time one would consider normal. Now, however, she felt uneasy.

His abnormal behavior had been the main cause of her stress now that classes had paused for a little bit. She wrung her hands together under the sleeves of her sweatshirt, trying to relax before the door opened. There wasn’t the usual music playing her typically had blasting to a questionable level when she arrived. It was oddly quiet.

Her heart jumped as she heard the click of the lock, speeding up as the door opened to reveal Harry. Her Harry, with his tousled hair and soft green jumper covering his body with his jeans with a hole in the knee, with a bit of stubble above his lip and littering his chin. With darker circles under her eyes that had her brow furrowing with concern. He looked so pretty, but so exhausted.

“Why didn’t y’use your key?” His voice was soft, not cold like she had halfway expected.

“I…” she looked down at her shoes, kicking slightly at the worn carpet as she tried to not sound pathetic in her response. “I wasn’t sure if I should. It’s been a little weird lately and I just didn’t want to barge in.” Her attempt had failed, the reply sounding even more weak than she had tried to avoid.

“Y/N…” He sighed, opening his arms and pulling her into them. “M’not angry at you. I never was. You don’t have to be afraid to come here.”

This was the shit he had been trying to avoid. He didn’t want to make her feel any less safe or comfortable with him and she had felt like she was out of line if she had used a key he had given her far before. His efforts to try and keep himself normal had failed and she had picked up on his upset. She had looked so unsure and uneasy, the sweatshirt hiding her hands and averting her eyes. Internally he cursed, needing to explain this soon before he burst.

Regardless of the pressing matter, he allowed himself to indulge in the hug. Squeezing her to his body and letting his nose rest against her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and the faint notes of her perfume. He had missed her so fucking much. 4 days. He was the pathetic one, really. It took a moment to pry himself away from her, exhaling as he did so.

“Let’s sit down.”

Settling on the couch, he felt like perhaps he was the one who would get sick. Or his heart would beat out of his chest. Either one that happened first.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N peeped, looking at him with sad eyes. “I know I was harsh with you at the cafe. I didn’t mean to be. I was really mean, Harry. I know I jokingly bully you sometimes but I know I hurt your feelings and it felt so awful to see you get sad like that. I know you said you weren’t angry, but I still hurt you. We haven’t spent full days apart.. Probably since we met, and as much as I know you’re going to deny it, I drove you away. You didn’t even want me to come with you to the cabin.” Y/N cursed herself for feeling a slight burning settling behind her eyes. It wasn’t about her right now. She knows she hurt his feelings, she needed to apologize for that thoroughly. “I should have included you in the study group and not made you feel bad for wanting me around.”

Harry stayed quiet, listening to her as she spoke. It made him feel weird, hearing her be so earnest and apologizing so openly to him. Y/N was a stubborn girl, though she did admit her wrongs, she normally wasn’t wrong. That’s just how it was. His arm rested on the couch, picking at the strings on his throw blanket as she spoke about the study group, an exhale being released through his nose.

“That’s not why I was upset, Y/N.” He said softly as she spoke. “You.. You’re allowed to do things without me. I know I’m clingy, probably a little clingier than you’d prefer, but I was upset because…” his throat felt like it was clamped for a moment, knowing this was going to change the way she looked at him. “It was because you were so quick t’remind me we weren’t actually dating. That I basically didn’t have a claim to you or a right to get jealous. And then i realized you were right. The realization hurt a lot fucking more than I thought. You said it so easily and I think…” He paused again, looking away from her face. Like a coward. “I think it hurt me a lot because, to me, I was reading the way we were as a lot different than you probably were.”

The words stayed floating in between them as Y/N blinked a few times, confusion painting her face. That’s what he had been upset about? Her chest felt tight as she looked at his face, trying to meet his eyes to get more of an explanation of that. What direction had he thought it was going?

“I’m sorry, H.” She whispered. “What… Can you explain to me what you mean, though? What direction?” This was a time she didn’t want to jump to conclusions because she obviously hadn’t been the brightest bulb when it came to figuring out what had actually upset him.

He stayed silent for a moment, breathing out shakily. “I thought… I kind of thought we were on our way to dating. Or we were there, jus’ without the label. I was obviously reading a bit too far deep into it when you weren’t, but it was just easy to fall, I guess.” His voice felt strained, still a bit afraid to look at her face on the chance she was looking at him in pity. “I thought that we were falling into a relationship, that it meant more romantically. You were a lot more affectionate with me than you ever have been and I know we’ve always been really close but it felt so right to me. I was a bit naive and assumed that it was the both of us with real feelings developing but I know it was wrong of me to assume you felt the same without actually talking to you.” It felt like there were knives in his stomach, the nausea being traded with full on pain as he shifted uncomfortably, explaining himself.

“It was so easy to fall for you. You’re just really fucking amazing, Y/N. I’ve always thought that, always thought you were the coolest. It’s why I tried so hard to keep you around. You aren’t someone who lets people into your world the way I felt like you were letting me in. Being touchy with me and not being annoyed with me hanging on you and even initiating cuddling and kisses without sex. It felt like a whole lot more than friends with benefits and I was happy to let it keep going because I thought somehow it was meaning more to you too. But we never defined what it was that friends with benefits actually meant. So I just… made an arse of myself and assumed that it meant you wanted to be with me.” His hand ran through his hair, something he did when he felt a bit exasperated. “I let myself get caught up in it without thinking maybe it meant more to me and somehow, I fell in love with you.”

The whole world stilled for a moment. Y/N froze, eyes widening as she looked at Harry as he finally met her gaze. He couldn’t say it without looking her in the face, he wouldn’t allow himself to do that. She deserved the courtesy of seeing him when he said it. She sucked in a breath, ready to reply but Harry beat her to it.

“I just.. I know its a lot, Y/N. I know you didn’t sign up for that and I tried not to fall in love with you but fucks sake, just spend a day in my shoes. You’re perfect. It was impossible not to fall for you. I swear, I tried because I didn’t want to be in this position. I don’t want to lose you, Y/N. I want to keep you in my life forever.” His eyes glazed over with tears and she swore her heart tore into two. Fuck. Fuck. He had just bared his entire heart to her and was almost crying because he didn't want to lose her. She felt like her brain and heart had melted, the sparkle of hope glimmering bright now that she knew he felt the same.

“I understand you don’t feel the same. I see it now. I just… I can’t keep doing physical stuff with you. I’ll never get over the feelings if I keep going. I know it’s annoying and I’m sorry, Y/N. I still want to be your best friend-”

“Who says I want you to stop?”

Finally, her voice began to work again. Her own eyes glazed up, looking at him with so much warmth that Harry paused his entire speech and blinked a few times. He wanted to think he heard correctly but he felt himself reboot, buffering even as he looked at her confused.

“What?”

“What if I don’t want you to stop loving me?” her shaky voice echoed in the silent room, bouncing off the ears. “What if you’re a silly man and I’m a mean, cowardly woman and I don’t want to stop being intimate? What if I want the exact same thing and have felt the exact same way, but you’re much braver than I am with admitting your feelings?” Her eyes bore into his.

Harry felt like his world had tilted on its axis. He was silent for a moment, trying to make sure he hadn’t just hallucinated hearing those words from her as she shifted closer to him. He hadn’t accounted for this reaction. So sure, so positive that he had been one sided pining since the incident that he had lost almost all hope- only for her to bring that assumption crashing down and breaking like porcelain plates.

“You….” He swallowed, throat bobbing as he looked at her with confusion. “You do?” His voice trembled a bit in disbelief, so hesitant to let the sparks of hope ignite the flames that had previously been smoldered in his chest. This had been the one outcome he hadn’t allowed himself to think about. If he had allowed the hopeful part of him to flourish, he worried that he would have an even hard time accepting what he had thought the truth would be. He wasn’t usually pessimistic but Y/N had seemed to be far too good to be true when he had been knocked out of his smoky bubble he had engulfed himself in.

Y/N’s heart splintered at his disbelief. She had made him feel like she hadn’t loved him back and it was her fault for being so scared, so cowardly. His slightly hesitant gaze made her get up from her spot, climbing on top of his lap.

“Yeah.” She peeped, placing her arms around him for a hug. Clutching him to her, exhaling weakly as she buried her face in his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, H.” Her whimper of an apology had him closing his arms around her, the shock wearing off as she collapsed and rested her weight on top of him. It was only a few moments later that he felt hot tears on his neck, his stomach twisting at the idea of her crying as he cooed softly under his breath.

“No… hey, no. No crying. It’s okay.” He whispered, moving to kiss the side of her head as his hands drew up and down her back in the comforting motions he usually did. She sniffled against him, his body and kind a torn mess of wanting to comfort and console and wanting to celebrate. It almost felt too good to be true.

“It’s not. I hurt your feelings because I was scare n’frustrated and I was a big baby who didn’t want to admit I loved you first and I-“ she was interrupted with Harry gently pulling her back, her breathing catching as she looked at him. His face significantly brighter than it had been when he had opened the door, she blinked and went to reply but was cut off by his mouth.

His plush, pink lips pressing against her slightly chapped ones, holding the back of her neck as she let out a little noise against them. Her brain went fuzzy, melting into the familiar warmth of his kiss, her body lighting up with the hazy glaze that covered it, the heat tingling her belly and the fizziness in her heart that she decided to lean into rather than push away. Lips pulled back only for her to surge forward this time, desperately kissing him and pushing him back against the couch as she had decided she wasn’t done kissing him yet.

“Y’mean it?” He managed to breathe out, a pause in their kissing and heavy breathing giving him an opportunity. “Y’love me?” She nodded, but that wasn’t good enough for him. The grip on the back of her neck tightened. “Tell me. Say it.” He wanted to hear those words he had been positive he wouldn’t fall from the lips he couldn’t get enough of.

“I love you.” She pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. “Love you.” Another kiss to his jaw. “Love you, love you, I love you, Harry.” The kisses were pressed with the words, his chest squeezing and the candy cane fluff filling his stomach. It was hard to breathe in the best way, like pink smoke laced in love was clogging his throat and the only words he could get out were the ones professing it.

“Love you. I love you, Y/N.” He smiled, nose brushing against hers. “I have for a long fucking time and I… I shouldn’t have disappeared but I was so confident you didn’t feel the same-“

“I did. I was just being stupid and scared and wanted to remind myself. I got too excited when you were acting possessive and I was reminding myself that we weren’t dating and… I thought you were being hot. I loved that you got jealous because it meant you cared about what we had but I was so certain I was making it up and I’d be ruining our friendship… I was terrified. You just said we should fool around and I went and fell in love with you, it wasn’t what you asked for…” she babbled, wanting to make sure he knew that he hadn’t done a single thing wrong.

The explanation actually made sense if she felt anything like he did. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying not to overthink things. The relief and happiness was nearly leaking from his pores as he peppered her lips with his own kisses. It would have felt like a dream if he didn't feel his heart pounding out of his own chest even still. This time, though, for a much different reason. The flames had caught the kindling, erupting back into that blaze. Almost to a forest fire level, his giddiness had been contagious.

“Y’love me? For real?” He whispered, cupping her warm cheek as if it could ground him to the moment. Her face leaned into him, nuzzling into the slightly calloused hand like a kitten overly eager for affection as she nodded.

“I love you. For real, for real.” Her smile was watery, sniffling while his thumb brushed her slightly damp skin yet again. “Want to keep doing what we were but I want t’go on dates and hold your hand around and kiss you whenever we want, want to bring you to meet my mom as my boyfriend and I want- I want everything. I’m sorry I’ve been so nervous and silly and I almost ruined it but I was scared. I don’t have to be scared now.” Harry’s gaze itself made her wonder how the fuck she missed it. How she could have possibly thought it was one sided. His eyes were full of love. Of fondness. The man adored her and he didn’t even have to say it out loud. She felt it just being like this.

“This means I’m your boyfriend now, yeah?” he asked after another little kiss, trying to calm his overly excited nerves. This felt lovely. So, so lovely. His whole body was on fire, the bubbles in his guts raising to his chest. “I want to do all of that with you. We should have just talked before getting to this point but I… I’m so happy right now.” He felt his eyes stinging with a different type of tears. They’d been so silly, but it led to this. It had led to their connection and Harry really couldn’t regret that.

It was one of his new favorite pastimes. Watching her closely, observing her doing seemingly mundane tasks and becoming obsessed with the way she made them interesting. He had to admit he had never felt obsessive over a human before, really the opposite. Harry tended to run the other way as soon as he got too close to people because he liked to beat them to the punch. After some shit he had gone through he learned to leave first and didn’t want to see someone else walking away from him. Y/N, though? He was allowing himself to get closer and closer to her. Enough he had opened up his heart.

“Can feel you staring.” She smiled, a phrase all too familiar to her lips now. “What could possibly be so interesting about me studying? Or do I have something on my face?” Her eyes still didn’t leave her paper, though.

“You’re just a pretty girl.” He hummed, taking the coffee to his lips. “You do a cute thing with your nose when you don’t get something. A little scrunch. And then you rub your eyebrow and smooth the hair out of your face. Did you know that?” This was definitely showing his ass as being obsessive but he didn’t mind. Seeing her freeze and duck her head down so he couldn’t see her flustered was a reward.

“You’re a dork. I didn’t know that, no.” Her hand reached for her drink, taking a measured sip before placing it back down on the orange plate with a soft ‘clink’ of ceramic. “Then again, I study. I’m not watching myself stress over memorizing these definitions.” Her words were lighthearted but he could see the stress come back on her face as his eyes fell to the pastel highlighters uncapped next to her. Something Harry never understood doing because she was bound to dry this set out.

“M’sorry, love. Didn’t mean to distract you.” Harry wanted her to let him accompany her to study again. The last thing he wanted was another stretch of time without her and he had to prove himself today that he could keep his hands to himself- but she hasn’t said anything about eyes. That was impossible to keep away, so he wouldn’t even attempt that.

“It’s okay, it isn’t just you. I’m frustrated with it.” She sighed, pushing her glasses back up on her face. “You’re behaving for once.” The smile returned to the lips Harry loved so much, causing the cotton candy feeling to rise back in his stomach. He had done that. Gotten that smile from her. He wanted to do that more and more.

He went to say something back but he was rudely interrupted.

“Y/N?” A voice startled them both, Harry looking up to see a somewhat familiar face. He knew of the guy, someone on the lacrosse team and a bit obnoxious at parties, he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing coming up to them- let alone Y/N- but he didn’t have a good feeling about it.

“Hey, Tyler.” She greeted him with a polite smile.

It was one Harry knew to be reserved for casual friends, not the same ones he got, but he still felt a bit annoyed. The guy was interrupting the little time he got with her today. She was leaving after to go back to her place for another study group.

“Hey! I can’t wait for study group later. It’s really cool that you guys are nice enough to help out. Thanks for letting me join. I’ve never understood material so easily. You’re especially good at explaining things.” The guy hadn’t stopped staring at Y/N, not even taking a glance at Harry. It pissed him the fuck off.

Yeah, he knew she was good at explaining things. She was extremely smart. And funny. And beautiful. And Harry’s. He never did like sharing as a kid and he didn’t like sharing now. Especially not Y/N’s attention.

Fuck. He hated this feeling. This fucker was going to be studying with her today? When Harry was at home watching reruns of ‘Friends’ and pouting because he missed her? It was moments like these that made him irritated that he didn’t have the same courses as her, wishing he could join in and be of use. Be around her and actually make an impact studying. All he could do here was read her flash cards and help her organize her highlighters.

“Oh! I’m so glad it’s helping.” Y/N smiled, looking genuinely pleased. One thing about her? She was oblivious to the ways people looked at her sometimes. She could clock some flirting but the gazes, the schmoozing? It went over her head. It wasn’t that the compliments weren’t genuine either. Harry knew very well it was probably not a lie- but the way he said it, the way he stared. He knew what was going through his head.

“It’s so crazy you’re still studying. Do you ever stop?” The guy seemed impressed but it was like every word that came out of his mouth annoyed Harry more. He hadn’t even said hi or glanced at him which was rude, but he was openly gawking at the girl he was currently in love with. Even if she didn’t know- it was guy code. Don’t do that shit.

“I do! I was taking a break last night but we decided to come out this morning and see some light.” She motioned to the windows of the coffee shop. “This is Harry, by the way.” Y/N motioned over to him. “He’s not in the study group obviously but we make a good studying team.”

It was then that Tyler looked over to Harry, a flash of irritation on his face as he realized Harry was not liking this. As if the moron couldn’t feel the daggers being flared into his back before. “Ah, yeah. I know of him. Don’t think we met before.” He nodded before turning over to Y/N. “I’ll see you tonight. Make sure you bring snacks, I’m sure we’ll be going late tonight.”

The last words were said looking at Harry. As if it was a threat. A taunt. Idiot.

It was stupid because he had her. He knew it. Y/N was only talking to him this way. She wasn’t a liar; she wasn’t someone who was purposely flirting with this guy. He was testing his luck. But Harry had a jealous streak a mile long and it kind of made him pathetic.

“Yeah, we tend to go all night when it’s just Y/N and I.” Harry smirked. “She’s got plenty of good snacks in her pantry. I’m sure she’ll bring something good. Or we can stop at the shop on our way to her place.” He shrugged. “Whatever she wants. She’s generous that way.”

Y/N nudged his foot but Harry’s stare didn’t break from Tyler’s, the easily smug look not melting from his face before Tyler made a half ass excuse saying his order was ready and moving out of there.

“What was that?” She whispered at him, kicking him harder now.

“Ouch! Fuck. Watch the legs.” He hissed, reaching down to rub his sore spot.

“No! Why did you get all weird?” She demanded, narrowing her eyes at him. “He was just saying hi. Don’t make it weird when it doesn’t have to be.”

Harry stared at her for a few seconds before sighing, shaking his head as he reached over to grab one of the cookie bites on her plate she had abandoned. “Y/N… he has a thing for you.” He knew she was going to try and deny it so he shook his head, swallowing the bite he had taken. “I know you don’t see it sometimes, but I do. He had the look, the tone. I’m telling you, the dude likes you. And it’s annoying to come over here and try and flirt with you when m’sitting literally right here.”

“So?” Y/N scoffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she adjusted her cardigan. She had been irritated with his “It isn’t like I was gonna entertain anything with him, Harry. And besides…” she pursed her lips. “It isn’t like we’re together anyways. You never got like this before.”

‘It isn’t like we’re together anyways.’

Harry felt like he had been kicked in the stomach.

Immediately his appetite vanished, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to come up with a reply, but he couldn’t. The sick feeling spread to his throat and made it feel like he had a rock in the back of it.

She wasn’t wrong. They weren’t together, actually. But he had thought at the very least they were… something. That what they’d been doing and saying the last few weeks had meant something more than just fucking around. Harry knows that any other hook ups he had were nothing at all like this. There was no yearning or wanting. The moment they’d seriously kissed had changed everything for him. But apparently, it was only him.

He had read it wrong and now he was fucked. Fucked and hurt and embarassed.

“I… yeah. You’re right.” He said quietly, clearing his throat before closing his book. “I wasn’t like this before. M’sorry. We aren’t together so… I shouldn’t act like that.” Grabbing his bag, he pulled it into his lap. He needed to get out of here. To.. hit something, scream, cry, figure out what he was going to do to lose the shit he felt so he could be un-in love with his best friend.

“What? Why are you packing your bag?” Y/N asked confused. “I’m not done. We still have an hour left.” Her glasses were pulled off her nose now as she watched him place his things inside the book bag, zipping it up. They had an hour and 15 minutes left, actually. He had been the one needy for her attention- and now he felt like an idiot.

“Yeah- I just, I forgot I told Niall we would head to the gym. Planned it before.” He gave a weak smile, standing up and pushing his chair in. A five dollar bill was placed on the table. “Get another coffee and study, yeah? I’ll see you later. Have fun at your study group and let me know you got home safe.”

Harry heard her call for him as he left, shooting her a smile that didn’t meet his eyes as he rushed out of the shop. He felt like he couldn’t fucking breathe, his eyes burning a little bit at how stupid he must seem. At least in his own hand.

Of course she hadn’t missed him as much. She didn’t have a problem spending nights apart and studying because she didn’t care as much about it. She didn’t miss the smell of him on her sheets and she didn’t sit and stare at him the same way he did. And he couldn’t even be angry at her.

He had to be the one to go and fall in love with her. She had never asked for it, had never said that. He had let his feelings get in the way, he had been the one confident it wouldn’t change anything and now he had to clean up the mess he made.

—-

🍑: H are you okay?

H: yeah I’m fine

🍑: okay… don’t bullshit me though. Was it the coffee?

H: nah. I met up with Niall and went to the gym. It’s on my insta story.

🍑: yeah I saw that but… idk

🍑: did I hurt your feelings or something? Because of the study group? :/

H: no, no. It wasn’t that. I’m okay.

🍑: are you sure? I realized maybe you feel excluded. You can come with me tonight if you want!!

🍑: we can go and get snacks before :)

H: I’m okay, love. I’m not feeling so good, I’ve got a bit of a headache. Think I’m dehydrated so I’m gonna just relax at him tonight.

H: please be safe on your way home. Text me if you need a ride.

🍑: oh… okay :( feel better.

He was dehydrated, probably. Working out, the sauna and then crying did that to a person. He felt wound up tight, even after the workout. Niall had been a real one for not asking what happened after the initial one, merely patting his back. He understood that sometimes the best medicine was beating the fuck out of a punching bag.

Curled on his couch, he let the tv play as he replayed his own moments in his head. It was the first time he had rejected Y/N to hang out. He went to see her when unknowingly had the beginnings of the flu and ended up giving it to her by accident. But he couldn’t stomach it right now.

They weren’t dating. As much as Y/N wished they were, as much as it felt like it, Harry hadn’t mentioned anything about it and she had tried to set a mental separation so it wouldn’t hurt as badly when it ended. She was in love with him, utterly fucking smitten, and she had gone into this stupidly thinking that she could avoid that. Even with the tiny crush she had on him, she thought perhaps having sex would let it out of her system.

It did the opposite.

Y/N was spending nights with him, cuddling and kissing. Getting far closer and emotional than any friends with benefits should. She blames it partially on the fact that they had been such good friends for a while before they even started fucking around, that it had blurred a line since they’d already been close. It felt like a relationship, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t official. And Harry wasn’t really a relationship type- he hadn’t been in one in 2 years. He had hooked up with quite a few people, as did she, but this just felt significant.

Long fucking story short? She was terrified.

If he didn’t feel the same way, if he felt like this was just sex? It would crush her. It already felt like she was crushed just by how he had left their studying early and rejected hanging out. Her body felt small and cold and she tossed and turned in her bed, trying to sleep but the way he had abruptly left made her stomach ache all over again. It had been after she reminded him they weren’t dating.

But that wasn’t it. Was it? Was it jealousy? Annoyance he couldn’t come and she was ditching him again for the study group, anger at her talking to the guy? He had never said anything about them dating.

She just felt like an idiot.

Now she couldn’t sleep. She had a final in the morning and it was fucking important, and she couldn’t sleep. The one day she needed to. The bed felt even more empty and uncomfortable. Even the days they’d been spending apart with the studying had been way harder than she had let on. She had made it out to herself that it was good to have space, trying to hide that she was missing him so terribly it ached in her chest. She felt almost in denial, thinking that if she gave herself some space that her feelings would subside a bit.

That wasn’t how it worked, unfortunately. And she feared that Harry was feeling her pushing them away as pushing him away- which wasn’t the case. It was a sticky, irritating mess that was now impacting her sleep schedule.

It was 2 am and her brain wouldn’t shut off. Her bed was so cold and empty and her room was too quiet. There were no soft snores, no groans and no arms reaching to pull her closer to his body. No legs fighting their way to tangle with hers. No one to complain to that he was hogging the blankets or his legs were fuzzy against her own. Y/N had worked so hard to try to push the feelings of loving him away that now that the walls she had built up came crashing down, it was almost suffocating her. Like she was drowning in this weird guilted love that she had perhaps fucked up by getting defensive with him instead of just coming clean. Right now it felt like it wouldn’t be okay. He hadn’t texted her a real goodnight, hadn’t sent a cheesy pick up line, hadn’t done anything she had gotten so used to it had become second nature the past month.

The thing was Harry was probably the most perfect man she had met. Absolute boyfriend material. Sure, he had a slut phase, sure, he poked her buttons and prodded at her to make her eyes roll, but his pro’s far outweighed his cons. There was never a single time she had felt uncomfortable around him. Not in friendship, not in… whatever this sort of stage their relationship was. Y/N had a bit of a fear of men and Harry had never applied. He had always been different from the rest, proving himself to be the first truly respectable male influence in her life. That was partially why she had been so utterly terrified to like him as anything more than a friend. Of course she understood that it was laying the ground tiles of a good relationship, but relationships could fail. If it failed she would lose him completely.

Still… the idea of Harry with anyone else made her stomach turn violently. She sat in bed as she imagined being in his wedding party, watching his face as someone else walked down the aisle towards him. Adoration for someone who wasn’t her, loving and longing. Inside jokes she would never share, no more kisses, no making love, no soft murmurs and lips brushing the top of her head. No fingers tangled with her own as they walked to bed, no hands slipping under her shirt. No sweaters to borrow, no more scent of him on her pillow. No bad pickup lines, no dirty coffee mugs, no old band tee shirts in her laundry pile. Y/N gave him all sorts of shit because he had been obnoxious on purpose but she loved his antics. She bullied him playfully and he took it on the nose, knowing the intricacies of her triggers and how far was too far so he didn't press further past it. Even being a little shit he had managed to still be the person who respected her boundaries the most.

The loss that hadn’t even fully happened yet made her choke on a set of tears, turning as she stared at her phone.

She had to fix this. She couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t allow anyone else to take him and she had to stop avoiding how she felt.

-

Harry, a mile away, laid in bed almost mirrored perfectly. Staring blankly at his phone, rereading her messages as his thumb nervously stroked the side of his phone case. His nail caught on the silicone housing the volume buttons, a shaky exhale leaving his lips as he scrolled up to before their shift. The girl never failed to put a smile on his face, always making him laugh straight from his belly. Their little emoji guessing game made him smile to himself, her attitude visible through the tone of the text as he failed to get what she thought was so easy. Scrolling down a bit more, he saw their texts from when she had come over last night. Her playful mood sort of dismissing his true talk.

Perhaps it was slightly his fault for always taking the piss. He was sarcastic and full of jokes so he understood when it could be hard to understand if he was being serious or not, but he thought she would get it. He had missed her a lot the last few days. Not just the physical absence but her pulling away a bit to study. Now, though, he was beginning to let the little self loathing devil on his shoulder tell him things. Maybe she had been well aware of what he was saying and didn’t want to let him down so she played dumb instead. He had read something wrong along the way. That much was clear.

How had he gotten it so wrong? His eyes hurt from crying and his head throbbed, nose still stuffy. The shower hadn't done much to fix it, exhaustion tugging at his body but his mind still going a mile a minute with his overthinking. His bones felt tired and weak, feeling his bed equally as cold without her body curling up into his, her hair in his mouth and her fingers tugging his hand into her chest.

His mind was on how she had seemed to spill that sentence that had knocked him off filter. Still, it was echoing in his brain like his head was hollow and that was the one thing knocking around the walls of his skull. How easily she reminded him they were not actually dating. It had stung deep, especially with how he had been planning on asking her what the next steps were after their tests were done. He had been so sure she felt the same way. Friends with benefits didn’t do the shit they did. They didn't get little ‘thinking of you’ gifts, they didn’t embrace the way they did after sex. Didn’t pet the other hair and tell the other how much they adored each other. In Harry’s mind, friends with benefits did the do, were normal friends and that was that. The things they had been doing were couple level. Relationship territory.

Maybe he should have asked her what the arrangement would mean to her. Sure, they’d always been affectionate and obviously there was attraction there considering they’d always make out when they were drunk… but this was a different sort of thing. Harry couldn’t sleep well without her now. He had fucked himself.

There was nowhere in his or her apartment that he could look at without a memory of a moment of passion popping up. His bathroom sink, his shower. His hallway where they’d knocked the photo frame off the wall. His living room couch, his windows, his kitchen counter. For fucks sake, even his foyer. They were littered with traces of her memory and the physical reminders. They’d helped the other move into their apartments after 2 years of suffering through dorms. He wouldn't be able to forget and he really didn’t want to.

He loved her, even if this shit physically hurt.

His phone in his hand burned to text her but she was probably asleep. She needed sleep, working herself to the bone for good grades. He didn’t want to put that in jeopardy for this. As upset as he was, it wasn’t at her. Not really. It wasn't her fault he had read shit differently, that he had fallen so deeply in love he felt like he was drowning in his own feelings.

It was such an odd feeling. Overwhelming and compressing but thinking of her hurt and felt good at the same time. The fear had always been there but he found a bit of comfort in the unknown, at least back then. Now he was dreading the conversation because he knew in order to salvage their friendship he was going to have to be honest. Tell her he was getting too deep into it and they needed to stop the physical end of it. He would never want to stop seeing her but in order to keep himself from getting further down the rabbit hole of his feelings, he needed to stop.

That would be a huge challenge. Touching Y/N had become second nature, even more than it had been beforehand. Harry had always been touchy with her and she had let him. He was ready to hug and touch and snuggle at any moment, usually being the one to initiate. As time had progressed, Y/N had been more and more clingy with him and started initiating it. That had sent him to live on cloud nine. Having her hands in his hair or her lips pressing against his first, her body moving to lay on top of his? He had been overjoyed at finally having the energy matched. His body slumped further as he realized that would be the stop of it. It had to be, though. Each little touch, each little brush of fingertips and graze of lips had him digging himself deeper into his love for her.

The sex had been mind blowing. It was something he knew deep down he would never experience with anyone else. THere was no way in hell any other person could elicit the things Y/N did from his body. Fucking with feelings? He understood the hype now. They were not only sexually compatible, but their natural chemistry and care for one another had made their sex more open. Communication was easier, things were tried because they trusted one another. No one else could feel as good wrapped around him, no one else’s hands running down his back or legs wrapped around his waist would feel as right. Being with her felt like being home. He didn’t feel like moving house.

But he would have to salvage the ruins he had made of their home.

She was wrapped up in his arms, in his sweatshirt again. The pasta sauce emergency had been a result of not securing the lid on the blender, meaning there was splatters of red sauce on the ceiling he may never get off, ruined clothing and a stomach sore from laughing. They had cleaned it together, still managed to have enough to use for their hand made pasta and ultimately had beautiful blackmail photos of one another covered in red sauce.

The lights were dim as they watched Pretty Woman. It was one of Y/N’s favorites, so she was relaxed perfectly in his arms. Sitting right between his split legs on the couch, she rested her head against his chest as her hands held his forearms. Boldly, his own hands were dipped under the borrowed sweatshirt, stroking the soft skin near her ribs. It was mindless, gentle, and driving her a bit crazy.

He pretended not to notice, but he did. Harry could read her like a book. Being friends for years and years on top of learning her intimately had a hand to hold in that. Y/N wasn’t the most warm and fuzzy person, and he felt fucking honored to be the one she chose to be soft with. When she turned the other night and nuzzled into his neck, he about died with giddiness. Harry had been the clingy one for ages, and now she was close to letting it be a battle.

“Why have you never asked me to be your sugar daddy?” His voice vibrated against her back, making her roll her eyes. Harry always interrupted moments with dumb comments like that but she catagorized it as part of his charm.

“Because you can’t afford me.” She deadpanned, not even turning around to catch his reaction. She didn’t have to. The offended scoff and grunt spoke enoigh- but she hadn’t accounted for how close his hands were to her breasts. The slight pinch to her nipple made her squeal, turning slightly in his arms to give him a wide eyed gape.

“Harry, what the fuck?”

“You just said I don’t have enough sugar to be a daddy.” He groused. “That’s offensive and rude. You know, I could very well afford you. We are sitting on a beautiful couch! And you're wearing my Gucci jumper.” The tone made her aware of his jokes, which didn’t help the fact that the action she had tried to be pissed about had turned her on. She never had anyone pinch her nipple before but she could kind of see the appeal of nipple clamps.

“Shut up, moneybags. I meant what I said. I’d drive you crazy. Besides, you’re literally getting the sexy stuff for free. Do you want to start paying my rent or something? Wouldn’t be opposed to that.”

Harry wanted her to move in. But even he recognized that was kind of a ‘what the fuck’ thought and way too soon. He just really enjoyed her staying here, being with him, not separating at night. Waking up to her in his bed. Finding her in his kitchen on her laptop when he got home. She had always kind of had a drawer here, but now her clothes- as much as it drove him a bit mad- mixed with his in the drawers. He didn’t feel like splitting the laundry. It was comfortable and it filled his chest with flutters. The good kind.

“I was thinkin’ more like going out to buy some pretty lingerie for you to wear for me. But I suppose I could pay your rent. Just out of spite. Can’t believe you said that.” He muttered, happy when she turned back to lay on top of him. Her open affection without her pushing him off if her anymore was a welcome change. He didn’t feel any sort of hesitancy anymore, wrapping his arm around her waist while the other toyed with the ends of her hair.

“Fine. Both. If you want to talk like a big shot, I want it Venmo’d to me later. But if you’re gonna do that, I’m gonna have to at least suck you off.” A playful glint hit her voice, fingers tangling in his necklace and feeling the cold metal wrap around her skin. She. Had gotten him the phallus banana as a joke but he wore it every day with an almost concerning amount of pride. “Haven’t gotten to do that nearly as much as it should be considering we’ve been doin’ all this stuff.”

Harry swallowed the slight tension in his throat as he listened to her words drop to a whisper. Y/N had opened up to him in a completely different way than he had expected since they’d begun to fool around. It was like she was finally letting the more vulnerable parts of her show, even if just for a few seconds at a time. She was still a cute little bully, still called him out on his shit and his bad jokes but… the new softness she granted him had made his emotions a bit more raw. He’d already liked her, loved her, even, before they’d touched in any way besides their drunken make out sessions. Now? The thumping in his chest had intensified. Bigger fleets of butterflies invaded his stomach. Y/N had made him feel things he never had before, ad cliche as it sounded.

“Well, I’ve no complaints. I do think i could go with a a few more blowies, but I like this too.” He mumbled, pad of his finger brushinge tresses from her cheeks that had fallen in her turn over. “Just letting you be a softie and not getting bitten too much.” The bliss of having her lay in his arms was something that he didn’t take for granted for a single second. He loved it. Their dynamic shifting had made him significantly happier. “I like your mouth regardless. Even though you’re a bit of a bully when you aren’t lettin’ me kiss on you.”

Y/N shyly. smiled, leaning her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. “I only bully you when you deserve it. You’re a menace, especially when you get all smug. It’s only hot when you’re touching me and we’re doing dirty shit. Other than that, it makes me want to smack the dimples off your stupidly cute cheeks.”

Yes, it was a bit of an insulting tease but he couldn’t help the light it brought up to his chest, the festering warmth motioning him to pull her up to his mouth and capture the sweet tasting lips for his own. Y/N had been caught slightly off guard with how tenderly he treated her lately, especially with how he had seemed so overjoyed to do it. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been clingy and soft in the past, it was just… a lot more now. A lot of stuff that he hadn’t done before. Holding her hand closer to his mouth and kissing each knuckle, stroking imaginary hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. Even stroking over her eyebrows as they cuddled which felt strangely more intimate than anything else. He didn’t ever seem to tire of looking at her.

It was living in a state of delusion, perhaps, but it felt so real. So real it almost hurt to think of it as anything but.

“Cute cheeks, hm? A compliment? You’ve been awfully generous with the compliments lately, little angel girl.” He crooned, tapping his finger against her nose. “I like it. Keep ‘em coming. Cause I can return the compliments all day long. I love your eyes. Could look into ‘em forever, really. Prettiest girl in the world. Not even just saying that.” He shrugged. “Always thought that but you used to punch me in the chest for saying your hair clips looked cute. So.” The man’s tongue pointed out at her, making her give him a look.

“Shut up.” Again, she felt a bit itchy under his scrutiny, his compliment. It made it feel even more serious. Not that she didn’t want it, but she felt a little antsy when the idea of it came about, because how did they transition to that? Would she ever have the balls to say anything about it?

“Nope.” His lips popped around the P, sitting up with her on top of him and adjusting so she was sat on his lap, arm wrapped around her waist to keep her stationary as he moved. “You’re beautiful.” Fingers of his free hand stroked down the side of her neck. “So beautiful. Especially in my clothes. I think you’ve been doing it on purpose.” Her eyes were shy when he complimented her like this, dropping to his chest. Harry’s never left her. He could notice all the subtle changes. Any twitch of the lips, the swallow in her throat. He knew her inside and out. “No one compares to you. Mean it.” He lightened his tone but there was the weight of what those words could mean. “Y’know… I know you say aren’t fond of me being my sweet self to you, but you are. You love when I’m soft with you. You’ll never admit it to me, but it’s true.” His lips delicately pressed to her cheek, exhaling through his nose.

Y/N didn’t like how well he knew her. Well- she hadn’t. Now? Now… that glittery, plushy, bubblegum pink feeling in her chest when he littered her with compliments and kisses had her clinging on and craving more. Allowing him to do these things because Harry meant them. He wouldn’t lie to her. Never. Not about things like this. He had taken the lead on being more domestic and sweet but she hadn’t felt even the slightest bit of resistance to it. She decided to be quiet, grumbling as she sagged into him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders while she felt him chuckle under him. Her face tucked into his neck, hesitantly placing three kisses to the hot skin while she tried to navigate these feelings.

Harry’s smile was soft. Holding her to him, hand splaying across her back and rubbing over the jumper as she cuddled him. “I like when you’re my sweet girl. Makes me so happy.” He let the words out quietly, turning his head slightly to rub his nose against her hair. “Not trying to tease you. I really like when you’re soft and let me be nice to you. I enjoy your bullying… but this?” He laughed. “This is my favorite.”

Y/N couldn’t help it. She wasn’t good with words the way he was, so she decided to answer with her body. Pulling from her neck with a soft sound she couldn’t quite place where it came from, she slotted their lips together lazily and kissed him. Soft. So, so, soft and delicate. A simple lip lock in appreciation for his kind words. The only person this type of vulnerability felt okay with. That she was warming up to. That tough shell Harry had managed to crack and pick away the hard exterior for. He had picked her apart piece by piece in a way that hadn’t felt too bad. After a while, she had begun to find comfort in revealing new things to him.

It was just a scary revelation. Being in love with your best friend.

“Dork.” She resorted to a soft insult but the smile against his lips made him return it. She didn’t know how to express it verbally yet, and he was okay with it. “Irritates me cause… now I really want to suck you off.”

“Think I want to be close to you right now.” Harry loved her mouth but… he simply wanted her. He wanted to be inside of her and feel her as close as humanly possible. “Can I have you? Nothing too crazy yet. Just…” he sighed. “Want to be close.”

Y/N couldn’t say no. How could she when she wanted the same exact thing?

It didn’t take too long. Being wet had aided in her preparation, Harry slipping inside of her and letting himself feel the stretch. The condom that had been placed conveniently in the coffee table drawer did little to hide the way she was clenching around him, slowly letting her fall down further on his length as she sat on his lap.

“There she is. That’s my girl.” His words were gentle, the arm around her firm as he looked into her eyes. “Take your time. Feels so good already.” The praise naturally fell from his lips to her. Y/N whimpered at the feeling of him filling her, her body adjusting to him, but it was a delicious feeling. Her nails slightly dug into his shoulders as she exhaled a moan, falling down as much as she could before she began to grind her hips a little bit.

Harry groaned along with her, fingers flexing on her hip as he encouraged her slow movement. “Just like that. Fit me perfectly, don’t you?” He kept his forehead against hers, wanting to keep that closeness. His sweats around his ankles, shirt on the floor and his hand on her now bare torso, this was intimate. There was no rush. Simply enjoying each other. “Like you were made t’be filled with me. Such a perfect girl.”

This wasn’t best-friends-with-benefits type of talk and they both knew it; but neither were ready to admit it quite yet.

Y/N never felt this comfortable with any of her partners. Harry was attentive. He knew her body. The way he fit inside of her filled every inch she had, brushed against the most sensitive spots and made each rock on top of him shot hot sparks of pleasure down her spine. Soft moans left her mouth as she continued the movements, enjoying every second.

“Feels perfect.” She whispered. This was a bit different than their other times. Not as filthy… not as deprived. It was intimate. Soft. Needy in a completely different way. Y/N was sure she would overthink what it meant later but right now, she felt cherished. Adored. This was so wring she wanted to bask in. “Harry-“ the gasp left her lips as he shifted slightly, the angle changing just enough that he was pressed against the spot that had her shaking a little.

“I know, baby. I know.” He soothed, his own breathing rougher as he held the back of her neck, bringing their lips together for a messy kiss. She was tight around him, Harry lifting his hips a bit as she rocked to get as deep as he could and enjoy her motions. Y/N was the best he had ever had and probably ever will. He wanted to keep her. “You feel so good around me. Could stay inside of you forever.” His nose brushed over hers. They could both feel the change. It had been brewing for a while, but right now it was getting to be a lot. Getting to be so much that neither could ignore it- though Harry wasn’t trying to for his sake.

“Stay.” She swallowed the word with a kiss, letting it reverb off his lips. “Stay, stay in me forever.”

Harry couldn’t help take it. Flipping them over so he was on top, gently laying her on the couch and making sure she was cushioned, he began to thrust inside of her. Slow, deep, feeling her cunt flutter around him as she gasped wetly into the air. Her hands clung to him, one buried inside of his hair and the other digging into his back, leg wrapping around his waist to pull him in.

Close. She wanted closer. “Oh my god- oh my god.” She gasped, feeling him deeper than she had before. The angle was perfect, the one lifted leg allowing him to slot right in. “There, there- H, baby-“ she let out a whine as he covered her mouth with his, snapping his his particularly hard and staying still for a moment.

“Baby- angel, please.” He pleaded. “Gonna make me cum when y’sound like that. Feels so fucking good, you keep clenching… trying to milk my fucking cock.” He grunted, almost frustrated. It felt too good like this, her body was trying to take it. “Want to go bare one day. I want it.” He nuzzled against her, the hand returned under her neck and pulled her head up so he could kiss down her neck.

“Want to be the only one you have. Haven’t wanted anyone else… just want to be bare and feel you around me. Want you to be mine.” The words slurred against her skin, Y/N whining with each thrust. The statement aroused her and soothed at the same time, her head nodding frantically.

“Yes- yes, yes, next time. Please- next time, bare. Want to be the only one. You are. Only one I want inside me like this. Harry- please.” She pleaded with him. “Please, please, want you to cum inside me and I want-“ she hiccuped, his speed increasing and the power of his thrusts making her feel so good that her mind was a bit scrambled. “Want to feel you dripping out of me and I want… want you to own it. Want to remember it when I go out or when we go with our friends.” It was what she had been thinking finally dug out by the sheer connection and pleasure. Harry had a knack for getting her to admit things.

“Fuck baby you can’t-“ his sharp inhale was felt against her lips, his hips stuttering as his thrusts got sloppier. “Can’t tell me that. I’ll do it. I’ll fill you, I’ll have you. I’ll be the only one bare inside you, fuck- I’m gonna cum.”’he warned. Usually he lasted far longer, and honestly would probably be a bit embarrassed at how quickly he came this time but… the things she was saying. It struck a white hot nerve in his mind that had his cock throbbing inside of her, ready and eager to give her exactly what she asked for.

“Harder. Go a bit harder and I’ll-“ Y/N didn’t even have to finish her sentence. Pulling her leg up more, he went for it. The timed thrusts, her hand going between her legs and rubbing frantically at her swollen clit, the sheer energy in the room having these confessions had her near the edge. The sound of their skin and his grunts, her whimpers bounced off the walls, the TV long forgotten as they chased their orgasms.

Harry was first. He hadn’t meant to, but looking right into her eyes and seeing the pleasure all over her face, feeling her cunt at the brink of her own release had him spilling into the condom. Imagining it next time. No barrier. Painting her cunt with his cum, making a mess. Letting it slip down her thighs and know that she would feel it- it was too much for him. A deep, guttural groan left his mouth as he unloaded inside of the condom, face pulled up in sheer bliss as Y/N followed.

She shook, clawing at his back with a soft wail of his name as she felt the final slam inside of her, fingers rubbing over her slippery clit as the electricity of their gazes only spurred her over the edge. His beautiful face, his noises, him being the one inside of her. It was everything. Swirls of color behind her eyes as she felt him collapse inside of her neck again, a weak groan of her name solidified it.

This was everything. He was far more than a best friend. This wasn’t just sex.

This was love.

Y/N was studying like mad. Harry was a bit, but he mostly sat with her as she studied and stared at her. Lots of coffee dates to study, library dates, even a few days of sitting in the park with a blanket on the grass and their books sprawled out, a plethora of highlighters and pens littering in between. It was comfortable, really, like it w always was.

The changes were more and more obvious the more that he had looked at it. The cuddles and chaste kisses and the way that they’d holed off into their own little nest like a couple in a somewhat honeymoon stage. Y/N was still a playful bully but she would kiss his pout away when she would make it appear and crawl on top of him to lay down, her cheek against his chest while he stroked her back.

It just.. didn’t seem like it was two friends fucking around. It was clearer to him the more he spent time with her, the more the touches became natural, the more his heart would speed up when he got texts from her. He’d always been excited to spend time with her but this was a new level. His throat would dry when she would tenderly brush the hair from his face, her quiet contemplation making him want to beg to know exactly what was going on in that pretty little head.

Harry had definitely made himself out to be a goofy, funny, horny man, sure, but he had layers. Layers Y/N was peeling back at a pace he hadn’t really prepared for. The anticipation of getting to see her next was almost irritating. How has it changed so rapidly? And why didn’t he care as much about feeling all these things? The complexity of their changing relationship had made him feel like his head was scrambled. She was seeing the parts of him he had kept back, the softer bits that were genuine pushed back until now.

The thing that really sucked now was the time apart, how antsy he was to actually see her. Sure, he had been anxious to see her when they’d just been friends but now that they spent the majority of time together and she had study groups and such, really needed to focus, he had to step away and do his own. It sucked. The bed felt cold. Something he thought to be a huge red flashing light. He tended to ignore those:

H: I miss you. :(

🍑: hi hi. I miss you too.

H: you didn’t put the frown face. So I tend to believe I miss you more.

🍑: :( :( :( :( :(

H: that’s betterrrrr. This book is making my eyes bleed.

🍑: I know. This intro course should not be an intro course. What are you studying rn?

H: one of the business courses. To be honest it’s all bleeding together and I can’t rlly tell what I’m reading, half my page is highlighter.

🍑: h… darling… that is not good study technique. I’ve told you this.

H: so come over and show me :) :) pleaaaaase.

🍑: do you know how bad I want to

H: then do it!!!!! what’s stopping you!!!

🍑: 1. You’re a dork. And an enabler.

🍑: 2. You know what's stopping me. If I come over there will be no studying done.

H: untrue and rude.

🍑: no, no. I tell the truth. You’ll be like

🍑: ‘let’s take a break! Let’s lay down! Let’s make out! Let’s have sex :)’ and then pout n blink your lashes the way you do when you think ur fluttering them but it looks like u got something in your eyes.

H: now… what the hell did I do for you to attack me like that

🍑: is it an attack if it’s the truth? 🤔

H: yes. Especially that.

Harry rolled his head on the back of the couch, groaning as he stretched his limbs like a cat. Y/N wasn’t going to budge. He knew it and he didn’t want to push too far to actually get her mad, but he really fucking missed her. Enough to drop the silly act and text her seriously.

H: but I really do miss you. It feels empty when you’re not here.

H: like I understand why, don’t get me wrong. I’m not blaming you, sweetheart. Just… idk.

🍑: :/ I’m sorry. I miss you too. It stinks less here though…

H: Har Har. I’m being serious though.

H: your smell isn’t on my sheets anymore.

🍑: h… :(

🍑: i can come over tomorrow. Okay? I can at least come to sleep. Or you can come here. Exams are only a few days away but I know I’ve been a bit strict when it comes to seeing you.

H: it wasn’t like this before. Guess I’m just adjusting.

🍑: I know, but last time we weren’t doing… this stuff. The intimate stuff. It’s hard to be around you and not end up on my back. Lol.

H: yeah… I dunno. It’s just never felt so annoying being away from you.

H: sorry if I’m sounding weird. Lol. Just like… got used to you being here and sleeping with me.

🍑: it doesn’t sound weird. It’s what we’ve been doing for a bit now and it is weird. I miss it too- you know I’m just shit at expressing it.

H: Mhm. I miss kissing you.

Harry exhaled as he switched apps, thumbing through their photos together and the ones he had taken of her when she hadn’t been looking. Surely she would kick his ass for doing so but he knew she didn’t love photos and he selfishly wanted some for himself. They were some from brunches they went to, walks they went on, nights out. One in particular called to him, her in his tee shirt and leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee she nursed in her hands. It was his ‘H’ mug, her sleepy eyes and messy hair evidence she had been very comfortable in his bed. A peek of a love bite could be seen under the collar of his shirt, making him smile a little bit.

It wasn’t just him that was comfortable. She was too, especially in those vulnerable moments. Before she caught herself and tried to joke it off. Usually that was his job, but lately it hasn’t felt like a joking mood anymore. He wanted to curl himself around her and bury his face into her neck, listen to her breathe. It wasn’t a joke anymore.

🍑: I do too. A lot. Which is why I can’t come over tonight. You wouldn’t have any lips left </3

H: I don’t think I’d mind if it meant I got to kiss you

🍑: since when have you gotten romantic on me? That was cute and slightly disturbing .

🍑: I like your lips a bit too much anyways. Don’t let them go anywhere.

H: they won’t. They’re yours ;)

🍑: there he is.

How could he express these differences in feelings without making it weird?

It was obvious something had shifted. Something had been different, and it wasn’t just fun anymore. Harry knew that he was going to have to be the one to bring it up to her but he wasn’t sure exactly how to do it. He had tried in a way, during sex. The most vulnerable place to be. But he wasn’t sure if he tried again he wouldn’t ruin it. He just needed a little more time.

Yes, time. All he needed was more of it so he could strengthen whatever the hell this was and point out the obvious.

—-

“You quite literally have not let go of me since I walked in the door.” Y/N had an amused tone to her voice, laying naked in his bed with his arm sloped around her stomach. His face was in between her breasts, breathing lowly as they recovered from sex. Going bare was the best thing to happen to him, really.

“Haven't seen you in 3 days.” He muttered against her skin, pressing a soft kiss to the hot skin. “Missed you. You’re gonna disappear on me soon anyways to study.” The grumbles made her chuckle, petting his slightly damp curls with her fingers as they listened to the low buzz of the playlist Harry had put on.

“It’s only because every time we get together we end up naked, H. I’d much rather be hanging out with you than studying but you know I need to keep the grades up to keep the scholarship.” Y/N had worked incredibly hard to get it and Harry knew that, his resigned nod making her aware he did respect that. Academics were important to her. He’d never want her grades to suffer because of him, but sometimes he was selfish with her attention.

“I know. M’so proud of you for that, by the way.” He looked up at her. “S’fucking wicked that you got such a good one. I’d never want to put it in jeopardy. But I… I’m capable of keeping it in my pants if it means I get to have you around.” He felt her go to laugh by scowled up at her, shaking his head. “M’serious. I just miss you a lot when you’re not around. Like having you here even if I trip over your shoes and you don’t rinse out your mugs. You make it feel more… I dunno, more like home.” His face dropped back into her breasts, not wanting her to see the flush on his skin.

Y/N paused her hand in his hair, making him tense slightly. He didn’t meant to fuck up if he did. If it was too serious of a thing to say- but her hand started up again, a little sight leaving her swollen lips.

“Well.. we can trial run it in the morning.” She decided breeze past what he had said. Harry wasn’t sure why that had made a bit of disappointment settle in his belly, but it was overturned with the excitement at the idea of her staying around during the day. “But that means one thing.”

He peeked back at her face to see her mischievous glint. “Means you have to get all of it out of your system now. All of the filthy, dirty stuff.”

Harry caught her drift just fine. It was one condition he was happy to have. His recovery time with Y/N was insane, actually, and he could feel himself twitch at the idea of being inside of her again.

“Mmm…”’he moved down, pressing a few kissing down her stomach. “Well… I have been thinking about cleaning you up.”

He had cum inside of her and the mere sight of it had made him feel like he could go again. There was something about being bare like that, being raw and vulnerable, knowing he was the only one allowed inside of her that got him off. It was the entire thing. Exclusivity, marking, claiming. Possessives, sure, but he already accepted that.

“What?” She asked breathily, watching him sink down and spread her thighs open. A little squeak left her lips followed by a laugh as he spread her open, looking at the mess he made. He’d gone a bit hard and he could tell, the remnants of his cum dripping down her slightly swollen cunt. “You’re not seriously going to- oh, fuck.”

Harry did as he pleased, pressing his tongue flat and swiping it over her cunt. Tasting the mix of both of them, letting it coat him, lapping up what he could just on the first pass. His eyes met hers, watching her look down at him in slight shock.

“Jesus- H, I thought guys thought it was… y’kno, gross.” She panted, though obviously proven wrong. “We can just wipe it up, it’s okay.” Y/N didn’t want him to think he had to do it or anything like that- but his immediate second pass sign his tongue had her exhaling sharply, gripping the sheets next to her. It was obviously sensitive and his wet, hot tongue was making it hard to talk.

“Tasting us together is the best thing I’ve gotten to do- besides getting to cum inside this pretty pussy. M’gonna clean it all up and fill you again.” Harry murmured, kissing the top of her mound. “We taste so good together, angel. Like we were made to be like this. Think that’s the truth.” He taunted, spreading her cunt open further with his fingers and kissing right over her clit. “This cunt was made for me. You were meant to be mine.”

He had enough words, deciding to channel his passion into her again. Lapping her up with a fervor that made her tremble, licking up bit of their orgasms that he could get with pleasured groans against her. Her clit pulsed against his thumb as he rubbed it, getting her cunt wet in a much different way than before. Keeping his mouth busy was better than blurting out that he was pretty sure he was in love with her. Probably wasn’t the best time being between her thighs but, he had managed to stop disaster.

When he finally felt her orgasm, her moan of his name and grip on his hair keeping him right on her cunt as she bucked her hips into his face and pleaded for him not to stop, he knew his words were true. Even the ones unsaid.