jacob was not the easiest man to surprise, but what he overheard --- no matter the person on the other end of the line --- had his heart stop. not in a literal sense, but it felt like it ceased it’s movement and fell into his stomach. there was a combination of elements that perpetuated his currently frozen state, the biggest of them all? hearing more than liz calling him jacob. he’d grown so used to not hearing his own name, his real name, that the past few years of actually being called ‘jacob’ were a little bit surreal.

        he had to stop himself from staring at her --- and that was no easy task.

        a part of him was elated that she did forgive him his sins, while the less monstrous part of himself? the part that didn’t quite forgive himself? it raged and clawed to try and escape his throat in it’s fury. he didn’t deserve it. while yes, some of what was between them was real? the pretense and his initial motivations were not good ones. he’d hurt her. physically. mentally. he’d lied to her. in his own mind, he’d stolen from her, he’d stolen time from her; among other things.

one.

the first. the one that felt like it was time. the one where the illusion was set in motion.the one where his hand began at her cheek and like an anchor fell to settle at her hip. the one where his hand found it’s way round her back to guide her closer against his own form. the one where eyes had slipped closed with the pleasure and peace of the moment. the one where all the cards had to be played ever so perfectly.

two.

the second was the first time for another pivotal intimacy. the second was the time hands found their first real exploration of one another’s cartography. every little curve, every dip, every scar. every part of the map that made up her body.the little mole as though a capitol city he craved to remember, to practice it’s location in his mind.

three.

the third was the one where both discovered they were lost. it was the one with warm smiles all around and a proper set of vows falling off twisted tongues. the one where their future was set in motion.

four.

the one where he realized not every part of the illusion was a lie.the one where the carefully crafted lies fell away, once his work was known and revealed like a soul laid bare. but… he was already gone. tom keen did not exist in reality, he existed in an unattainable dream – his love was real.

five.