#five angst

five x reader angst

Requested by no one

A/N: first time writing with five, going for a simple good short angst that takes place after the five and lila subway incident. Love you darling❤

🍷~

50 years. 50 goddamn years. A half fucking century all thrown away because Lila convinced five fucking Hargreaves to get on that train. And believe in the name of God when one says this, that as much as it seemed inconvenient, being unfaithful to you felt like being skinned and cremated alive. The moment five kissed lila for the first time, it felt wrong. The sort of wrong that makes you want to undo your previous decade of mistakes just to make up for this one.

But people do what people do, and more often than not people cant keep their hands to themselves. And keeping his hands to himself was something five Hargreaves prided himself on, not falling into the bottomless void of meaningless attraction. What you and him had was special. It was perfect. It was picturesque.

Which is why seeing your face for first time after seven years felt like having his heart ripped out. Especially knowing that he wasnt completely innocent, seduced by the idea of lonely lusting. No, he had hidden the journal to the way home for five months, he had chosen to stay with lila longer, and christ alive he hated how he did this while knowing no matter how many strawberries he grew he could never feel half of the happiness you gave him with lila.

The current scenario at Diego and lilas house was, putting it mildly: Ugly. Yelling, cursing and a lot of klaus shutting everyone else up because he wanted to hear five and Diego's arguement. Diego had just noticed the pathetic little bracelet lila flashed in her wrist.

"Did you give this to her?" Diego asked firmly.

"I made it for her." Five corrects, that stupid, asshole smug attitude that makes him look like he thinks he knows better than everyone else making Diego's blood boil.

"You made it for her?"

"Well I sure as hell didnt make it for you, diego."

Watching this shit was hard. Really hard. At one point you tuned them all out, your breathing had gotten heavier while your brain drowned in constant voices, accusations, insults making your head spin and feel like you might throw up. You had always found it hard to be mad at five. You just couldn't. Now, it felt like all that love was a lie, seeing the way he talked about lila, defended her. Having not acknowledged you once since you got here.

All of it seemed unbearable. Heartbreaking. Foggy. So you got up and left before tears could spill from your eyes. Only then did five look at you, by then you had already exited the front door.

Fives POV:

It was easier for him to face diego before facing yn. His wife, his love and basically everything that kept him away from the edge of insanity for over half a century. Let's be honest, what the fuck was he thinking? He could never love lila. Even if she loved him.

His entire life hed been convinced God sent down and angel from heaven to perfect his life when he didnt have anything else. That angel was yn Ln. He couldn't face her. He couldn't face those mesmerising eyes and drop-dead-gorgous face that hes always known he deserves none of. How could an angel like you ever love a man as broken as him? When yn walked out that door, she took his everything with him, because she was his everything. Without her, life had no meaning. He needed her like the oxygen he breathed.

And the fact that you were hurt now because him him broke him further. He followed you out the door as soon as you walked out. Diego could fucking wait. He tried to grab her hand, in vain, he had no idea what he was expecting but when you turned to face him, he saw the water in your irises.

He broke. Nothing mattered. His chest was exploding with things he wanted to tell you, things he needs you to hear because if he loses you, its game over for him. No healing no moving on.

"Yn please... I, it wasnt.." his words stumble on top of eachother because the proud five Hargreaves could be reduced to an unconfident insecure man at your feet any moment.

"Why the fuck would you do that!?"

One word. Raw, heartbroken, hurt and red.

Why

Makes his heart drop into his stomach. How can he explain? He cant. But he needs you. In a way he cant explain.

"Please, yn. I cant explain myself. I cant, and no explanation could make this better, but please, please dont leave me. You're my everything, I don't love lila, I dont and i could never. I love you, I love you more than anything and nothing else matters more than you, darling, i.."

He keeps rambling, saying unnecessary words that only make you angrier. You wanted to yell at him, curse him out and tell him how fucking unfair it was.

Please, I can't lose you.

You heard his voice crack. No, surely, it couldn't be. No. He wasn't crying was he? You forced yourself to bring your eyes up to his face. Five Hargreaves was crying. His green eyes were glossed over with water that was pooling at the edge of his lash line.

You stare at him in a sort of disbelief. Youd only ever seen him cry once in his entire life when you were stuck in the apocalypse and he found his siblings corpses.

Maybe it was impulse, or pent up longing. Five had went so long without touching you, seeing you cry the first time hes seen you in 7 years feels overwhelming. He hugs you before you can say anything, so tight it feels like it would be a sin to let go.

"Y-youre so fucking stupid." You choke. You live him so damn much, it makes it so hard to give him what he deserves.

"I know. I'll spend every second of the time we have left making it up to you. I swear, I'll die before I ever let you get hurt again, love, I promise."

When the two of you pull back he stares at you with an adoration as if you held the sun and moon. You step back. Your obviously not done being mad at him yet.

"Dont cry, please, I hate seeing you cry, I.. I'll never forgive myslef for this. Any of this. Just..."

"No. No. No fucking way, did 30 years of marriage mean absolutely nothing to you five? Did I mean nothing to you?"

Fives gave fell again, hurt, desperate. He would grovel at your feet for a chance of forgiveness from you. Even the slightest. Because when talking to you there was no pride, and no arrogance. Because he always knew you were right.

"If you have nothing else to say, I'm going home." Was the last thing you said before walking off. He followed you again, despite having nothing else to say, if the world really was ending and he couldn't spend his last moments with you, let God send him to hell where he could perish for eternity, because he spent his entire life in heaven, now it has thrown him away all because he got too close to fucking lila.

Everyone has their own way of grieving. But for five... I think the way he grieves would last VERY LONG.

Five doesn't know how to cope with death or grief at all, at only 12-13, he must've been confused on how to cope or process any emotions at all. He was only young after all, and he had other things to worry like: surviving in the apocalypse that he found his siblings' dead corpses in.

We didn't see nor was it mentioned if five ever buried his siblings or grieved over their dead bodies at all. But I'm sure he did, I mean... who wouldn't? You made a mistake and now you have to suffer the consequences from it by seeing the body of your beloved family.

It probably took him decades to carry that grief, just not fully expressing it. Then when he comes back to save his family, his grief just stays burden inside him because well... he has nothing to grief for anymore. He has his family with him and he gets a chance to undo what he has done.

But throughout s1-2 he keeps mentioning their bodies, he even said it in s2 that he wants to forget their corpses but he couldn't because it's still stuck with him. The grief is still stuck up with him even when he's with his family who's alive and well.

So in season four... what if that grief finally caught up with him and he's just grieving for his family who's alive. They're not dead, they're still safe, they're still standing, they're still okay. But that grief that was burdened inside of him for so long? It finally caught up to him and now every single time he calls one of his siblings to check if they're okay, just to hear their voices again.

Every single time, he tries to spend time with them because he thinks the moment he leaves them, they're gone. They'll be gone and they'll be taken away from him again.

HIS FACE

Sad that this is it

Happy his siblings are acknowledging it and accepting rather than accusing him of giving up on them and arguing

Guilt at even coming back, the kugleblitz wouldn’t have happened if he didnt return (by extension). And now his siblings know the end is coming, they cant die quickly, unaware that this is final

Glad someone other than him had to point out their efforts so far have gotten them nowhere

Regret that theres a timeline that he lives to 100, spends more decades alone just to warn his past self. This was a Five who between losing his arm and being put in the new new timeline had to have jumped ship somehow

Disappointment that despite everything hes done and all his planning they’re still all going to die.

All he wanted was to save his family but in the end he took existence itself down with them

‘Whatever we’re doing its not working’

"Do you wanna hang out?" asks Vanya, her voice unsure and sweet, her dark eyes darting around anxiously. Her knuckles are white from where she's clutching the violin. "I've been practicing this new piece and I'd really like you to listen."

Her tone is pleading and Five knows exactly what she means. What she doesn't say. 'Spend time with me.' 'I'm lonely.' 'I need a friend.' 'Please, say yes. Say yes, instead of working on your equations. Say yes, instead of trying to time travel. Say yes, instead of fruitlessly trying to impress father.'

And he can feel his heart melt and his resolve soften, and he desperately wants to say yes but... But he's so close. Just a few more hours and he'll figure it out. Just a few more hours and he'll be able to time travel. He can't stop now.

So he furrows his brow and says sternly, returning to the book he was studying:

"Sorry, Vanya, I'm busy." 

He can't see her, but he can easily imagine her disappointed pout. 

"Ok," the sadness in her painfully small voice is nearly enough for him to call out after her. He doesn't. 

Tomorrow, he tells himself. Tomorrow, after he gets the equations right and proves to father he's ready. Tomorrow he'll make it up to her. 

***

Do you wanna hang out? 

The words echo in his head over and over, in an endless loop. 

He regrets saying no now, missing his chance to spend time with his sister one last time, before- 

He never found her body and at first it was a relief, a ray of hope. Now it's just a bitter pain of not getting a chance to bury her. 

Do you wanna hang out? 

He does now. And it might seem like it's too late, but he has a power to control time. He will find the way back. He will change the future. No matter the cost. 

One day, he tells himself. One day he'll find the right equations. He'll come back home and save his siblings. One day he'll make it up to her. 

***

Do you wanna hang out? 

The words ring in his ears as he watches his sister lost in her power, her face pale, her eyes white. 

I've been practicing this new piece and I'd really like you to listen.

He's listening now, the sound of music carrying over the screams of the audience. It's almost poetic, he muses, the way the violin - her only escape as a child - is now her greatest weapon. 

He watches Allison pointing a gun at Vanya's head. And he knows it's the only way. He knows there's nothing else they can do. 

He closes his eyes. 

Read chapter 13 [Here]

Read from the beginning [Here]

Ever since he was five and half, Number Five has found himself displacing all over his own timeline. This was an annoying, but mostly interesting, side effect to his powers when he was younger, and ended up with an older Klaus who would take him for doughnuts. The problem suddenly became more serious after he ran away and found himself stuck in the Apocalypse.

Part 1

Klaus remembers the day Five was ripped apart.

It was coming to the end of a week-long punishment that Five had practically begged for by yelling at the dinner table and making a run for it.

Maybe he would have gotten away and had a chance at life if Mom hadn’t caught him and snapped a collar around his neck that shocked him every time he tried to teleport stopping himself before the blue was able to form around his hands.

Five dropped to the floor panting as their father came over to him and delivered a swift his from his cane across the cheek “as my other attempts at punishing you have clearly been ineffective for the next month you shall do without your powers.”

At first, Klaus was jealous.

Not only were Five powers the best begin with now he got a break from training too?! How was this fair?!

It seemed the other siblings felt the same as they continued to eat while Five pulled himself up and stumbled back to his room moving up the stairs like a kicked dog.

Only Vanya went to check on him that night, the others pretended they didn’t hear the crying.

The first day didn’t seem so bad.

Sure Five was sporting a nasty bruise on his cheek but he only had to take part in group training and after that was allowed to go study or some shit while Klaus was given his private time slot to suffer even more.

He couldn’t help but shove him to the side as they crossed paths in the hall only feeling a little bad when on instinct Five tried to teleport away and ended up on his knees gasping in pain.

It seemed like everyone had decided Five deserved more punishment as come meal time his cutlery was dulled, his chair had a tack on it, his juice was taken and whenever Reginald wasn’t looking someone would steal some of his food.

Whenever Five tried to do anything about it Luther would tip him off his chair knowing that would make him try to teleport and end with him being shocked.

By the second day it had almost become a twisted game.

Anyone who got Fives extra training particularly seemed to enjoy getting him shocked, after all by then the collar didn’t even seem to hurt him much.

At the end of the third day Klaus was woken up by someone in the bathroom throwing up. He decided to investigate just in case it was Ben.

He was greeted with the sight of a very pale Five flushing the toilet and wiping his mouth.

“You ok?” Klaus asked softly.

“You care?” Five responded groaning slightly as he put a hand on his stomach “I think somethings wrong with me”

Klaus rolled his eyes “Yeah I could of told you that... do you think you’ve got the flu?” He asked taking a step back.

Five shrugged “I don’t know. If this lasts any longer I’ll talk to mom.”

“Lucky you're not doing your personal training then” Klaus huffed bitterly “do you know I got yours today, it was hell so thanks for that.”

Five narrowed his eyes for a moment “what is your training anyway?”

That caught Klaus off guard. No one asked that it wasn’t like they weren’t supposed to talk about it... just no one did.

“Dad locks me in a graveyard so I stop being scared of ghosts. You?”

Klaus was expecting something easy. After all what kind of training could you even do for teleporting?

“I guess he wants me to be able to use my powers when I’m scared too” Five finally  said.

“Yeah but what does he do?” Klaus tapped his foot impatiently”

“It changes every time. He liked burying me alive for a while but when I figured out how to teleport without moving he switched things up with basic forms of torture. Before the... dinner incident it was waterboarding.”

The information hung heavily in the air.

Klaus had no idea that... Five was being tortured for hours daily and not even letting slip what he was going through.

Suddenly trying to run off to a different time made a lot more sense.

Klaus didn’t know what to say. He just stood there so long that Five took it as a sign to leave.

He stepped out back to his room just give Klaus a slipping glimpse of the harsh red burn around his neck.

Five wasn’t at breakfast the next day.

That seemed to be enough to end the teasing from the others and replace it with worry.

The last time Five hadn’t been present was after a mission and he got shot in the gut and needed to spend a few days recovering.

When Mom made an appearance she was quickly hounded with questions from her children.

“Where’s Five?!” Came out the front runner and therefore was answered first.

“Your brother is going to be spending the day in the infirmary. He should be fine but has got a fever so do not disturb him.” She smiled as she returned to making pancakes.

Guilt made its home in the sibling's guts.

Getting shocked over and over again as well as having your food taken could make anyone sick let alone someone as skinny as Five was.

Klaus felt particularly bad because he knew something was up but still let him go to bed to suffer alone all night.

Maybe that was why he snuck down to see him while Reginald was distracted with Allison rumouring Luther into thinking he was an alien.

He snuck down keeping an eye out for both mom and Pogo letting out a sigh of relief when he finally got down and saw Five lying on the bed.

Is usually pale face was flushed red and his breathing was a little more laboured then it should be.

“Five?” Klaus asked quietly trying not to look at the needles hungrily.

They likely didn’t have anything that would make the background screaming go away and if his hunch was right, we're just filled with antibiotics for the burn on Fives neck.

There of course was no answer and Klaus sighed.

Of course, if he’s sick he wouldn’t be awake to chat.

He really only came here to see he was ok and well... he looked a lot worse than he did last night.

He shifted awkwardly “I wanted to say sorry for how I treated you this last couple of days. What dads doing already sucks and we shouldn’t have made it worse. I hope you get better soon Vanya’s gonna be sad if you can’t listen to her play.”

With nothing else to say Klaus awkwardly stepped out of the room.

He assumed he hadn’t been caught but considering the next day when he went to check in on Five again, he found the door locked someone must have seen him.

Klaus decided to just wait until Five was better to talk to him and apologise properly... and maybe talk to him about private training again.

He wanted to help his brother and maybe be helped in return.

It couldn’t hurt to have a teleporter on your side when you're locked in a hellish place surrounded by screaming angry ghosts.

It happened at 4 am exactly.

Everyone but Klaus was fast asleep so they didn’t see the start of it.

He was staring out the window doing his best to ignore the crying woman on his bed when a familiar flash of blue appeared outside.

At first, he assumed Five got the collar off and was testing out his powers.

Then Dad, Pogo and Mom all ran outside and started yelling.

The really weird thing was that the blue glow around Five that normally dissipated in less than a second was still there.

Almost like when Ben let out the horror a blue glow came from his chest.

Five screaming was what made Klaus run down to the garden though quickly followed by the others.

For once Reginald was too distracted to notice his children breaking the rules and was instead yelling over the harsh wind and screams “the power levels have grown too high for his body to contain them any longer. I believed number Five may have use as a battery but I underestimated how fast the charge would build.”

As he spoke the glow in Fives chest seemed to crack outwards splintering out until it covered his entire body and his eyes glowed blue.

“Sir how do we help him?” Lither asked as though he could just strong arm Five into being ok.

“I’m afraid number Five is in reachable now. Return to the house at once.” He snapped but Klaus wasn’t going to have that.

He wasn’t sure what exactly he was thinking as he ran over and grabbed Five my shoulders his hands burning from the heat coming off him.

“FIVE! Please, can you hear me?”

Five slowly nodded tears streaming down his face “it hurts... so bad”

His voice was distant like it was being carried away to some distant land.

“I know! You’ll be ok! I promise you're going to be fi-“

Klaus never got to finish that sentence because Five began to crumble away into a shower of blue sparks.

He did the only thing he could and pull Five into a hug right as his body dissolved into nothingness.

Klaus was left kneeling clutching the air in shock.

He could hear his siblings screams and cries behind him but he didn’t care.

Five was gone.

He frantically began looking around for Five to appear as one of the many ghosts.

Getting more and more frustrated.

“You won’t find him number Four. While number Five is gone he is likely not dead in the same sense you are accustomed to. He has been erased from existence in a way.”

The news was like a punch to the gut.

Their brother was gone.. as good as dead and Reginald didn’t even care.

Klaus was, of course, punished the next day. They all were.

But it seemed like no matter what they went through the pain of having Five torn from their lives like that was worse than anything their father could throw at them.

They grew closer in their grief and guilt. Even Vanya was included.

Ben dying was really what forced them all to move out and go their separate ways.

Being together to be picked off one at a time just hurt too much...

Klaus lost touch with the others but was content with drugs and being followed around by Ben forever.