#fishwrites

After the warmth of food and the month's worth of missing conversation simmers, the ghosts of the Nuraini household return to their coffin beds. Simon resists the pull of exhaustion to type away at his laptop, details classified to the waking world. The tip, tap, tip, tap of his keyboard that rings in his ears deafens the bang, bang, bang of gunshots in his memories. He forces himself to refocus--to resurface the experience. The clacks of his typing echo more forcefully by the second, until--

A muffled crash and a half-whispered-half-shouted “FUCK!” comes from the other side of his bedroom wall. He slams his laptop shut and bursts towards Dani’s room. The door swings open, and he finds Dani sprawled across the floor next to their bed. Their wheelchair is a few inches out of arm’s length.

“Dani, are you--”

“Fine, yeah, I’m okay,” they huff. They pause from reaching to their wheelchair and turn towards Simon with grabby hands.

Simon sighs and offers an arm to pull them up. “What’s up? Did you need help getting anything?”

Dani shakes their head. “I was, uhm, going to check on you. But hey!” They laugh awkwardly. “You’re here.”

"Yeah, 'm here," he rests a hand on their shoulder as he helps them back onto their bed. He pulls their fluffy blanket back over their legs.

They glance off to the side and keep their mumbled voice low. “...Sorry to wake you up so late.”

“Is’ alright. Wasn’t sleeping anyways.”

“What were you doing then?”

“Work.”

“But you just got back,” Dani pouts and tugs at the hem of his shirt. “Rest, dumbass, or I’ll put you to sleep personally.”

He gives them a weak smile in reassurance. “I’m almost done--promise.”

They raise an eyebrow.

He ignores their response and asks instead, “Is there anything else you need help with or should I leave you be?”

“I…”

Dani's hand reaches towards his and tugs it lightly. Now that he’s home, they don’t have to be alone. They don’t have to watch out the window and wait for his return anymore, because he is here, in front of them. His cold hands make them feel warm.

"I can't sleep,” they mumble. “Can you sit here with me?”

“‘Course. I'll grab my laptop real quick. Be right back.”

When he returns, he takes a seat at the end of the bed. The report on his laptop contains the horrors he stuffs deep into the crevices of his thoughts, that are to be stored deep within Anggrek Bulan Nusantara’s archives. Things like the flesh-face monster. Things that they know his mind isn’t built to see. He continues his typing.

Dani’s voice breaks through the rhythmic click clacks. “Whatcha workin’ on?”

He looks up at them for a moment and then back down at his screen. “Secret.”

“Nooo,” they whine. Dani makes puppy-dog eyes at him and he refuses to look at them--the one weakness to their otherwise foolproof plan. “C’mon, dude. Not even a liiittle peek?”

“Dani,” his voice is stern. 

“If you’re not gonna sleep--” their hand reaches at the rim of his laptop, and Dani crawls up in his space, “--you can at least show me so I can help ou-”

“NO!” he yanks the laptop out of their gentle touch. He bares his teeth. His breath picks up. He glares at them sharply. “Fuck off, Dani! You can’t see this!”

Dani flinches and backs off. They bite their cheek, swallowing the sadness. “Shit. I, uhm, I’m sorry, Simon.” They pull their arms closer to their chest and curl their knees up in front of their face to shield themselves from his sudden, boiling anger.

“Argh, no, you’re fine. Sorry for yelling at you,” they hear him breathe out.

Dani peeks out from their little cocoon and stares at him like he’s a stranger. His laptop cover closes slowly and he runs a hand over his face, forcing himself to take one deep breath and another. “I… dunno what came over me.” 

He stows his laptop off to the side and shimmies next to them. His hand hovers over their back as a silent ask of permission to touch. Dani nods, and he stiffly runs his hand down their shirt. The familiar comfort feels foreign to them. “Hey, ‘m sorry for scaring you.”

They tentatively lean onto his shoulder. “S’okay.” 

It's a lie, and they both know it. Tick, tock, tick, tock goes the clock in Dani’s room and the time bomb planted in Simon’s head. The small, awkward smile on the boy’s baby-face is gone and has been replaced with burn scars overshadowed by the barely contained fury under the man’s skin. Dani's eyes trace the new stressed wrinkles on his forehead. They look for Simon and find someone else.

The man who comes home from the work trips is never him.

Dani sniffs through watery eyes. “Do you get work off tomorrow?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, but I have a report to hand in. I just need to drop it off.”

“Can’t it wait?”

Simon shakes his head, ever the workaholic. At least some things never change.

“But I missed you,” they argue, and cartoonishly bat their eyelashes. “Won’t you spend a short wittle day wiff your bestest fwend that you’ve been negwecting for a whole month?”

At the sight of his deadpan stare, they laugh. He sits up and lifts himself off of the bed. “It’ll be quick, promise. I’ll be back before you even wake up.”

“No, wait, please-”

With all that’s left of their strength, they grasp at his arm before he leaves, before he disappears for a month with no explanation, before he’s gone for good. “Don’t go.”

After a pause, his legs swing back onto the bed, and his body sinks into their mattress. “‘Kay. I’ll stay.”

They chuckle to hide the choking fear slithering up their throat and wrap him in their arms. “Forever?” they offer.

“As long as I can,” he gives in return.

They smile and close their eyes, because that’s what he said when they were kids, what he says around them now, and what he will always say. They hold onto the routine tighter than their embrace around him. Simon and Dani, together until the end of time. Nothing can separate them; it feels just right and it chases their nightmares away.

Until he adds, “‘Til I have to go to work,” and they realize the dream is over.

They pull him closer and burrow their face into his chest. It’s the only thing left that they can do. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”