#fishmama

GRRM: This is Cat.

Readers: Oh no. You're not tricking me again. We're not going to like her. We'll find something to get completely fixated on even though considering the impact of it you can't really blame her that harshly. She's mean to Jon Snow! There!

GRRM: Yess but she's also a kickass and badass matriarch who's still smoking hot even after pumping out five kids and raising them to be the most lovable and badass kids around. And she loves her family more than anything. You don't understand how much she loves her family. And She loves Ned. She loves Ned so much.

Readers: Nope. Not going to like her. Not listening. Not going to get attached to her.

GRRM: She just fought off an assassin to save her crippled son until a wolf ripped out the assassin's trachea. She loves her family so much you don't even know.

Readers: Don't care. Not a badass. You're not tricking us again.

GRRM: She got the son of the most powerful man in Westeros thrown into the sky cells of the Vale just by recognizing her father and sister's bannermen in a tavern. She loves her family so much you can't even deal.

Readers: Well boo. We like Tyrion.

GRRM: Oh, did you want me to punish her?

Readers: What--punish---Well---I mean she did it because she loves her family. I mean, it was bad to do that to Tyrion but you don't have to----

GRRM: What does Cat love more than anything?

Readers: You wouldn't.

GRRM: How many times am I going to have to mention that someone bashed a baby's head against a stone wall for you to understand that I don't give a fuck about who gets killed off?

Readers: Yeah but you hurt characters by taking away what they love and well--

GRRM: And?

Readers: And we love the Starks.

GRRM: You know who else loves the Starks? Who loves the Starks more than anything? Who loves them even more than you?

Readers: Please.

GRRM: Cat loves the Starks.

Readers: -whimper-

GRRM: WHOOPS. Finger slipped. Ned dead. Arya missing. Sansa in Lannister captivity.

Readers: WHY-HY-HYYYYYYY.

GRRM: It's okay. She still has Robb, and Bran and Rickon are safe at Winterfell. And now I'm going to make her do a bunch of badass stuff even though she's had her heart ripped out of her by grief because you know what? She loves her family. She's going to tell two WARRING KINGS to get their shit together or the Lannisters will crush them both. She's going to prompt the greatest Road Trip Buddy Adventure and pairing in the history of Westeros by sending off Brienne the Socially Awkward Badass with Jaime. Also you get to meet Blackfish and Edmure and they're awesome.

Readers: We....we can still hate her. Her chapters...they're depressing. Yeah. And---and---Robb lost faith with his bannermen because of her.

GRRM: Or was it breaking his oaths to the Freys? And of course she would send Jaime off to get Sansa and Arya because BRAN AND RICKON ARE DEAD.

Readers: NO! GOD NO! WHY!? NO! NO!

GRRM: Aaaaaahhhh I gotcha. You should have seen your faces. Nah but Robb seriously wouldn't know what the fuck he's doing without Cat.

Readers: OKAY we love her! She's a badass matriarch and she's doing everything she can to get her family back together and that's really what we want! She's like our badass fictional second mom! We want a Stark reunion and she's the ONLY ONE working towards that! We love her! Are you happy now?

GRRM: Yes.

GRRM: And now for a little thing I'd like to call... The Red Wedding.