#fish ventilator

there is something about being a hikikikomori, this happened two years ago and it seems that i am relapsing back to it again.

i’ve always wished to go back to this time, counter intuitive so it seems, but i felt at peace, controlled, and happy despite it being one of my worst experiences where everything started going downhill from there (someway or another)

and here i am now, slowly creeping into the old cave, but i feel restless, and bored compared to two years ago and yet i don’t want to get out of the messy room.. i want to stay in here and starve but my hectic schedule prevents me from doing so, so i guess that’s a good thing?

in all honesty, i don’t have anyone to rant to for fear of being shamed (it’s complicated than it seems) to vent out how i truly felt. their eyes watching my every move, if they truly don’t care anymore, why all the fuss?

and it always be happening during my birth month too damn ok 💀