Long Time, No Talk
Well, like the title of the blog says, I’m on a winding path. My exploration with deities is always fun, but for a while, I may be talking about contact with spirits, especially lost loved ones. My Nonnie is on my mind a LOT right now, & I feel like she’s trying to talk to me. It’s all comforting, which helps, because I feel like I’m starting to shake apart at the edges. So let’s see... Deity work: Loki winds me up to help me keep up with my new young friends (Stay in school kids, being 32 & in class with a bunch of 18 year olds is kicking my ass). Inari is making sure that I have new opportunities almost daily, to the point where I’m actually trying to reprioritize what I want out of life. Moving to Japan may be leaving the picture...but making a bigger impact for marginalized children here in the states looks like it will be happening. Persephone & Hades are teaching me beautiful lessons in communication & connections. It’s making my upcoming visit to my partner very exciting. Hekate is cracking the whip metaphorically (METAPHORICALLY MA’AM), & telling me to get my shit together so I can get started on Shadow Work (Loki keeps agreeing, which makes me nervous). Real life stuff that is impacting spiritual work: University. I’m a multifaith ambassador for the school, on top of finishing up the first semester here. Finals. I did not miss this part. I had a field placement for the last 3 months...& it broke my heart to leave the kids. There was a lot of tension but I made some deep relationships & I pray to every child-protecting deity to watch over my kidlets...because that is a rough school to be in, & junior high isn’t easy on anyone. Papa. I’m my grandfather’s live-in caregiver. He has dementia, macular degeneration, degenerative disk disease, & is constantly in pain from a knee injury he waited too long to try to fix. We lost my Nonnie in August, & we are really struggling with missing her right now. My mother is not helping, but that’s its own nightmare post. My physical health. I am HPV+. 99% of people can clear that virus from their system no sweat. I am unfortunately unable to, & will have it for the rest of my life. It is attacking my immune system. It is also causing me to show as pre-cancerous on pap smears & colposcopies (cervical biopsies) every 3 months. I’m being tested for other immunodeficiency diseases as well. I am being proactive to deal with the pain in my body (I kinda snapped out & realized that not everyone hurts 24/7), so I am now seeing an orthopedic dr who gave me cortisone shots in my knees (FUCKING MAGIC, it’s like memory foam in my kneecaps), & in 6 weeks I will get them in my shoulders as well. He has given me a meal plan to start working with (more a list of foods that I should eat more of, & what I should eat less of, which works for me!), & strength training exercises to protect the joints. To top off that particular cake, my mouth is in worse trouble than ever, & my face hurts so much that I can only eat soft foods. Work/Finances. Uhhh yeah. 3 jobs, still can’t pay my bills. So I’ll likely be starting to offer oracle card readings, & ritual wording for spells for donations. I need $25k for dental work, $3k to get my credit card debt down to nothing, & honestly, just $5k in the bank would be nice so I could stress less.
