#firstworld problems

but i am in a new space now, physically and mentally. and i am trying to understand how to be happy. because everything is going well. i found someone i love, who loves me back. and, surprisingly, he’s not an asshole who likes to communicate through passive aggressive messages and inconsideration. he is kind and he wants to protect me and take care of me. he adores me and i adore him.

this past weekend, i didn’t have my normal 7am-3pm shift so i asked andrew if he could come earlier so we could check out a museum. hilariously, we got to the MOCA 20 minutes before they closed. they gave us passes for the next time, which was nice. it’s funny because that happened when we went to the fair together, there wasn’t much time for the fair left. at the end of the day i think that we really like to stay home and cuddle and watch movies and play video games-- but also going out and having experiences together is important because i felt like i learned a lot about andrew this weekend. it’s silly but i like to learn what things get under people’s skin or irritates them. i also like to see how people handle me when i’m cranky...andrew let me nap while he drove. it is my favorite thing to do, sleeping in a car, comfortable and safe.

but i don’t know how to handle this healthy and positive relationship! i keep expecting it to end, i keep expecting problems to come. i keep looking around for what’s going to go wrong. i spoke to ck and jeannette about this for a little bit last week. jeannette told me “hey...at some point obstacles will arise. they will. so don’t ruin the time that you have now by anticipating problems that haven’t come yet, because they will come”.

ck also warned me not to take my happiness for granted, and to be present in the moment. speculation and maybes are not important and are a waste of headspace. what are the actions i want to take, moving forward, and to what purpose?

i get intimidated by things, by change. but if i take steps one at a time, if i just plan on one action, and then move naturally from that one action to the next, then i think i can really move forward. instead of imagining

both of these made a lot of sense to me.