#firstimeforeverything

Jack comforts you after the loss of a patient. Notes: this is my first posting something like this, it might be OOC but i thought it was cute and funny. I also totally totally did not write this during my grad class.

"I did everything, everything by the book and it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough" You say weakly.

"The heart...failed. It was failing and closed even before we stepped in. The damage was done, even if you did everything you could." Jack responded looking down to his chief resident, crouched back to the wall head in your knees. Your shoulders shook with each breath.

"We were talking, smiling, I had just told her a heart was on the way. She had hope and was so close and then she was just...." You could not finish your sentence as another sob ripped through you.

"You did all you could." Jack repeats, struggling to decide if he should lean down, to touch her, hold her, to be with you. You let another heavy sigh out bringing him back to you rather than his thoughts.

"I don't understand what happened, I did everything. I know this happens that ... that not everyone makes it even if it’s by the book but why is this getting to me Jack why can’t I push through like I’m supposed to why is this one person able to get through" Your shoulders rise and fall, your breathes getting shallower and shorter. Arms clinging tighter around your legs.

"You are only human, you've been hiding that for long enough now. I know it’s easy for a stone face getting through whatever is next, but you're just human," you still shake and Jack throws reason out the window. Squatting down he takes her shoulders in his hands.

"You cannot forget all the good you did, none of us could have caught it in time but you gave that little girl safety, love and kindness throughout it all." Jack whispers finally, making you look up to him "That is the most important thing you did for that girl and her family." Tears brimming in your eyes, his heart twist as he holds you tighter. You take a deep breath without making eye contact with him.

"You don't have to do this Jack, I'm too old and this far down the line to be getting a pep talk after losing a patient."

Jack sighs, looking deeply into you as he takes you fully into his arms. You don't resist as you slowly melt into him. In the small back hallway barely lit.

"Yes, I do" He whispers to you. You both sit in each other in silence for a moment, while the faint sounds of orders, beeps, and gurneys create a muffled symphony behind them. Separate from whatever world Jack made for you in this moment.

You let out a breath, not any lighter than ones you had before but more solid. You look at each other, giving a sign that it’s time to get up and get back out. Jacks lifts you up with you both still tangled together in his arms, not looking away once. Without a thought he wipes a final stray tear.

"Thank you, Dr. Abbot” You respond, as you finally break from him and turn to the doors of the Pitt. Jack watches you straighten yourself, grounding yourself back into who you need to be right now. Who you need to be to save lives.

"Of course, Doc," Jack says with his eyes still watching you, checking you. He wants to say something, anything to let you know how highly he thinks of you, how impressed and in love he has been with you. The urge to take your hand and keep you here away from it all, so that it would be easier to tell you.

The moment breaks when an intern burst through the doors looking at both you and Jack.

"There's a nun here with an eye infection and the test just came back stating its some STI, and I... I got to get another opinion or a more experienced opinion on how to handle this." He speaks.

Jack watches your shoulders finally set and a smile returning to your face, "You got it sport, lead the way." He races back out through the doors as you follow his trail.

"Doc, wait" Jack shouts. You look back at him with a hand on the door ready to walk out, waiting for whatever is about to be said. Even though Jack does even know what will come out as he opens his mouth.

"You're strong, stronger than you realize." he sighs out "Don’t forget that when you go back there when you got to be that strength for whatever awaits you."

You smile, your eyes glinting in the fluorescent light of the hospital hallway. And you let out a laugh.

"Oh, don’t you get all sappy on me now old man."

A smile slips through on his face, letting out a breathy laugh himself.

"Thank you," you say as she pushes through the doors facing away from him "for everything."

You break the barrier and rush back into the chaos leaving Jack as he rubs the back of his neck, taking in what just happened.

"Damn" a voice comments followed by an obnoxious slurp of an iced coffee that has been long gone. Jack turns around eyes following up the stairs to see Shen. Letting out, a huff as he turns back to follow the woman, he can’t seem to admit he loves in a normal human way.

"That's a missed opportunity if I have ever seen one," Shen says making his way down the stairs "You have to tell her how you feel man." A beat of silence "And I think tomorrow would be a great time to tell a girl you love her."

Jack stops to stare at him through the corner of his eye.

"Telling someone you love on a Tuesday is very romantic these days."

He crosses his arms as Shen sips again, "How much?"

"$250, and a guy could really use some iced coffee cash." He confesses with a shake of his cup.

Jack doesn't respond as he heads back out the doors, with a small smile and a thought of how to get 20% from Shen when he wins.

Bonus:

"So, he held you?" Ellis asks over the STI Eye Nun sleeps in the bed below them. You look up from your chart, annoyed at your coworker.

"He held you while making direct eye contact with you as he wiped your tears off. your. face." Ellis says slowly hoping that with the slower she speaks, the more she'd understand what the hell you just shared.

You drop your hand to your thigh waving the iPad at Ellis, "Do you really think this is the time to be talking about this?" You whisper yell gesturing at the old woman in front of them.

"Listen, I’m going to be straight up, I have a date this weekend and I could use the dessert cash, so you have to tell him," she responds directly "Preferably tomorrow right as shift starts, or hell even before."

"Tomorrow?!" You now whisper yell back.

"Yeah! And don’t act like there’s much risk of him not feeling the same after whatever period drama romance bullshit just happened in that hallway." Ellis retorts.

You roll your eyes going to do final checks on the Nuns vitals and orders. Pushing your way out the door headed to the hub with Ellis behind you, you slyly catch Jack collaborating with an intern. Calm, steady, grounded and present with everything the intern says. You tap your hand on the counter as you think. Ellis eyes you from the side.

"If I do this you give me 20%," You say putting the iPad back in its port moving on to the next patient "Or, buying my beers for the next month to cope."

"Done!" Ellis shouts as you walk away, Shen now taking your place by Ellis' side.

"What did you do?" Shen questions

"Winner chicken dinner..." She mocks them as they watch Jack's eyes follow you as you head to the trauma 2.

"Yeah. We'll see about that."