#firstdaywithoutyou

"Its been just one day i already miss you more than anything... i sort of know things got complicated, i sort of know we are not coming back, but part of me wonders if the things you said to me were all a lie, or if deep down you liked me at least a little bit. God knows how i am gonna survive through this first month without you. Its hard to think that the longest time we would go without talking to each other is 15 days, usually 13. But sometimes i wonder how i am gonna react after 15 days, when i realize that you are not gonna text me like you used to do, calling me by cute names that only you would use. It just feels so weird to think how someone can be part of you life in one day and in the next day they are just gone, even if you never wanted him to go, and that we won't be able to talk or see each other ever again. Its hard to think that when you come here i will never get the text asking me to meet you somewhere, or the message telling me you are coming, it's a weird feeling that i have when i think that we didn't have time to meet each other again before this all happen... we had to wait just six months, six long months to meet up again... and how everything fall apart within 5 days, 2 years that fade away in 5 days... and now i am here, missing you like crazy, and wanting you even after the things you said to me... I don't know if you felt like that, or if you just wanted to hurt me saying those mean things and telling me to leave you alone, and even after everything i was just trying to make up things and you still pushed me away, i may be feeling shitty, but its a new year and i still have hope, hope that everything will be ok, even if its not with you, i know that i will be fine, the tough part is that is just the beginning, while I wish i could just jump to the part where i don't miss you at all... :( "