New Post has been published on My Wine Shopper
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For Men - First Date Red Flags
Everyone is different, and of course all circumstances are different, but here, from a woman’s point of view is guidance on two aspects that can give you a clue about moving forward, or saying a polite “no thank you” and moving along.
Alcohol
In this culture drinks (often wine) accompany a dinner out. A first date has an expectation of being on “best” behavior. So how do you balance the two?
We are all adults now, and we all know our limits. “Nerves” or “I didn’t eat any lunch” don’t cut it. Over-imbibing should be reserved for occasional, geographically appropriate occurrences with people you know, like and trust. A first date is not the place.
For me, and most women I know, two glasses of wine is pretty much plenty. On a great evening that stretches into the third and fourth hour, yes I may have a third, or added on an after-dinner drink, maybe at a change of venue, or having started at a great bar with a fun cocktail earlier. And was the end result that I may have been slightly over the legal limit – yes, probably. Should it have been a deal breaker? No. Because there is a difference between having the alcohol “in the background” of your evening together and hammering down two or three in the first hour.
Further, notice how behavior changes with drinks. Does your date get more bubbly, a little louder, more animated and flirty (pretty normal), or morose or angry. Make a note to self!
Anger
In my date coaching I encourage people to reach out on a first date, be a little vulnerable and share feelings. It’s what makes us “real” and what gives the opportunity for an emotional connection and chemistry to develop.
But whoa! Careful what comes out when you open the door!
Again, speaking personally; if for example, someone asked me to recount my divorce experience, could I do it with a tone of complete sweetness and light and it’s all for the best and life is good? Probably not. Should it be a deal breaker? No? Because I am not going to go “off” about it. I will recount experiences as seem appropriate, and then move ON. Because life IS good and it’s too short to stay in that icky place.
When you are either asking or recounting a difficult moment or time, know that it’s okay to feel and share genuinely with the other person. It’s not okay to rant, and name call, and clearly display I-have-NOT-moved-on behavior to your date. If you hear yourself headed down that path get some help so you can feel better. All that anger is not good for the body or the soul or dating! And if you observe that behavior in your date (especially after a couple drinks) that’s a red flag.
