#firetalk

A new year. A fresh start. A new chapter. A blank slate. A new leaf to turn over. A new forest to be cleared.

Around me there are all of these reasons to change, all of this changing energy, all of this chaos and confusion and hell.

Our days are numbered and we want to ignore it. I want to ignore it. I really do. I wish I could just keep living and being careless and reckless and free of responsibility. I wish I knew what I was talking about.

But I will never be perfect. I actually despise the entire concept. Because perfect- just like any adjective -is subjective. It changes meaning depending on who’s using the word and what it’s being applied to.

I don’t know where I’m going. I am as lost as anyone... and maybe I have a lot less time. We have a lot less time... I don’t want to do my part. I don’t want to be sad. I have been through enough to make me want to avoid pain as much as possible because I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to be selfish and let go and give up.

It feels inevitable... everything. I know that none of this makes sense. I can’t even make sense of it. I wish things were simple and boring. I would rather it, I really would... I wish the world were a place where everything was meant to be the way it was and no one suffered and we all just lived delusional and euphoric. I would rather be eternally numb and empty-minded than live in a place where suffering and horror is commonplace. Natural. Unquestioned.

I am conflicted... whether to keep trying to change or whether to give in to fate and accept the way things are.

‘How will we ever escape this labyrinth of suffering?’ - John Green, Looking for Alaska

Motivation. Probably one of the most complex human emotions to exist. It’s more than just one thing; it’s a combination of many. 

Motivation, to me, is like a match. You can strike a flame fairly easily, but sometimes it’s really difficult to keep the flame alight. Sometimes the wind blows your match out. Sometimes the matchstick breaks in half. Sometimes the side of the matchbox runs out of chemicals and no matter how hard you strike you just can’t get a flame. But, from the beginning, every matchstick has the potential to burn.

Motivation itself is not enough to get yourself to do something. Crazily enough, motivation is meaningless without existing strength, courage, persistence and willpower. Motivation requires self-care, self-love and self-acceptance. It does not just exist. It does not just appear one day, and disappear the next.

To gain motivation is to tend to a flame. You nurse it patiently and efficiently. Motivation is changing that negative brain pathway, removing that unhealthy mindset, having a new idea or wishing for faraway dreams. It is an infinite resource that you can call upon whenever you might need.

The thing about fire is that once it’s alight all it needs is a bit oxygen and wood to burn down a whole forest. Once you’ve got your flame, there’s nothing stopping you.

Thanks for firetalking with me.

I love travel and I love change, but I also love my hometown. In the place I live among the edgy youths, it’s a common trend to hate the town that we live in.

I never say this to anyone, but I hate that we all hate our hometown. I admit that I’d like to get away from it one day soon, but that’s only because there aren’t opportunities here that I am looking for in the future.

I did hate the town for a period of time. I hated the heat, the humidity and the people... but one day it hit me that everything I’ve ever had and everyone I’ve ever loved is here. All of my memories? Here. Every aspect of place that makes me who I am? Here. The best people on the planet? Here. Once I realised that, I saw my hometown for what it was. Beautiful.

The sky is almost always beautiful, big and blue. Everyone is a friend and a daydreamer. There are gorgeous old historical buildings and industrial junkyards and rivers that wind through residential areas. I’ve never seen so many different types of trees. From my house, it’s a 3 minute drive to the beach and a 3 minute walk to the mountain paths.

I started to notice all of the things that I used to take for granted, and I discovered a burning pride and love for the place that I grew up in. I think that it’s something we should all have.

Recently, I’ve been developing a theory: I think that the least important part of a place is the people living in it, but the most important part of a person is the place they were born.

Thanks for firetalking with me.

Movies, games and television shows are just as much art as are paintings, statues and plays. They tell the intricate and surreal stories of people that are relatable and undeniably unique, which are sometimes terrifying and other times hilarious. If films are art, then that, to me, means that they should be savoured. They are rare, beautiful and honoured by society. They are defining the history of a time, a culture, or a place and they are representing the real personalities and experiences that they portray. The importance of their job cannot be understated.

I think that in modern society we over-indulge in art. On any given day, I might watch up to 8 hour-long episodes of a show, or I might watch three movies in a row, and maybe I’ll do the same thing the next day. I might play my favourite game for 5 or 6 hours without a break. I know that art is special, but I also know that I have infinite amounts of it, so why not just keep enjoying it?

Why not? Because... art, as much as it is beautiful and wonderful; it is fabricated lies. Art can be powerful and manipulative... just like words. When art is well-produced it can change your perspective on everything, and with all of the technology we have today, it’s not difficult to create something interesting and attention-grabbing.

It’s not right for us to be so greedy, and it’s not healthy either. To listen to lies and live inside fake worlds all day, it sets us up with expectations for reality that are impossible and wrong. It’s good that we appreciate art, but we need to respect it. Since when has respect been equal to abuse? We need to be able to comprehend the intense metaphors that art can display. But we can’t comprehend over and over, non-stop, 8 hours straight, every single day. Our mind can’t hold all of that. It either has to push out the important stuff (like math equations and scientific definitions) or it has to forget, forget, forget, until it can’t remember the movie it watched last month, or yesterday, or before lunch.

If we forget every piece of art that we see, just minutes after we see it, then what purpose does art have? In that sense, art is like a drug. Get a quick high, then forget that, and go in search of another.

Don’t do drugs!

Do art.

Do it every once in a while, so your brain gets a work-out and you can live in someone else’s shoes for a few minutes. Then, go study, learn, live, experience and enjoy your life, make every second worth living, and come back to art, each time, with bright eyes and an open mind filled with your own beautiful memories.

Thanks for firetalking with me.

In my opinion, one of the most valuable traits that anyone can possess is the trait of wisdom. To be wise is to be powerful. I say this because, no matter how physically strong you are... words can be stronger.

There is a common saying that ‘actions speak louder than words’ which... I can’t decide if I agree with or not. On one hand, to actually DO something is much more impactful than to just say that you’re going to do it... however, to speak with deep knowledge and confidence behind what you say and to truly understand the words and the meaning behind them; there is a lot of power in that.

When someone tells you about their work, their passion or their studies, those are the times when you’re most likely to witness the power of knowledge. In fact, the greatest strength of being wise is that it’s easily overlooked. I could walk right past you and not even know if you were a scientist on the verge of discovering a cure for cystic fibrosis, until you opened your mouth and I felt the wisdom behind your words; the passion you have for your work. In this way, wisdom is a charming superpower.

Maybe actions and words are both of equal power, but they balance each other out in different ways, based on circumstance. In any situation, a wise speech can bring a whole crowd of people to their feet. When all hope is lost, a selfless act of kindness can send sparks of joy leaping and spreading into the air. Perhaps, based on this discovery, you could say that wisdom is not only knowledge of facts, figures and books, but it is also the intention behind and the effect of your actions.

Thanks for firetalking with me.

I have recently come to the realisation, thanks to the help of many inspiring everyday-heroes, that I am not doing enough with my life. I am merely living on the lowest level of energy exertion possible, because it’s an easy way out, and it’s the way I always have lived and the way everyone around me lives, so I just accept that it IS the way of life.

But! I don’t want to waste my days thinking, contemplating and theorising in the ignorant comfort of my bedroom, lulled by false sense of security and secrecy anymore. I have realised that I want my thoughts to be out in the world. I no longer want to keep them to myself because, I feel, no matter how selfish this feeling might be, that I have something important to say. I feel that I can offer something of value to humanity, and to people in our society.

For a long time I saw writing a blog as attention-seeking, fake, over-achieving and basic. I gave it these negative connotations in my mind, and imagined that if I started my own then everyone would judge me, my thoughts would never be my own again and that I’d regret everything. I was so obviously wrong but that’s the thing about a human brain (evaluation of the human brain is another post completely).

To conclude this mini-monologue; my hatred of blogs has been overpowered by an unyielding nature within me that urges me to make myself heard and to put myself out there, despite how insignificant I am. I am going to write my thoughts, fears, theories, questions, concerns, struggles, plans, evaluations and stories and I am going to put them here.

One day I will look back and I will see it all and it will be like this big file of how much I’ve changed over a period of time, and it will make me glad that I did this. I know it in my heart, this is what I need. Thanks for firetalking with me.