#fireside thoughts

A heart as big as an elephants, that can hold emotion and conjure it, better than any witch ever could. To be my own man. Get bigger stronger shoulders to carry the weight of my feelings, my stress, my love, my pain... All the things a mere woman could never hold. A quickness to laughter and forgiveness and a memory that rivals dorys. An adventurous spirit, one to be nurtured and grown the way I wish that gooseberry plant could. An abundance of love for my lover. That pours and pours over again. That drowns. Revives. Quick death but life giving. Always.

I grieve for my spawn unborn and the girl that was then I grieve for lost dreams and opportunities, for all my what ifs and may have beens I grieve for what is now. It may not touch me, but it touches me and twists and turns and knots into a ball of lead that weighs me down I grieve deeply for my loss of innocence and of religion. I wish to find God but the abyss of darkness and filth is stronger and blacker than the light of him I grieve over my own sense of Inaccomplishment. My failures, many. The selfishness that has me grieving so openly even now with a full belly, while the wretched of the world scurry and scramble for food and to survive, with no thought of their grief

-frizzy hair on a humid day -finding one shoe when you have to leave for work -not dogs -people in an arcade that can't fathom the purpose of a "coin return" button on a game so they call over the arcade attendant who's got to deal with like six other people already and couldn't they just wait their turn before demanding to know why they put twelve coins in a game that required only four and no credit showed up you idiots when the first three didn't work why didn't you stop -those jelly straps on strapless dresses that are meant to hold them on the hangers but won't stay neatly inside the dress when worn -being too hot at night but the fan's on all the way up so if you take the blanket off you'll get too cold -trying to get that one stray hair out of your mouth but you can't tell which side it's coming from so somebody sees you scrabbling ineffectually at both sides of your face trying to get ahold of this hair and pry it free of your own saliva -having multiple jobs with conflicting work schedules -not knowing when your family will get home and remembering you haven't done a thing mom asked you to do oh hell she's gonna kill you better throw some laundry on a chair with the excuse of gathering it to bring to the laundry room -emotions about stuff and things -no but seriously -I can't do peopling stuff

And I swear I have been on this God-forsaken site so long that the first thing out of my mouth was "Maybe they didn't do it to impress you, bitch."

I wanted to know how you guys found my blog, and why you followed me! You can reply to this post or send me an ask! I would love to hear from you, so please, tell me what's on your mind.