#fire things

As you may, or may not, have noticed, I’ve been MIA for the past 3 days. This post is to tell you about ALL THE SHIT that has been going on during that time. Like... there was SO MUCH FUCKING SHIT. I can’t... I don’t... I didn’t think it was possible for so many crises to happen concurrently. No one has ever uttered the following phrase with more earnest, fervid intent: fuck my life.

Some posts about my life these days: So your house burns down What do you do next? (UPDATE: I should receive MOST of my books back, don’t know how many or which ones yet, but I should be getting them. And someone is already getting me an 1818 edition of Frankenstein, thank you all for the offers) You get flies

And now we resume with our regularly scheduled broadcast (which I wrote yesterday to tell all y’all how life is)...

So, moving in hasn’t been great

• When we moved in, discovered the stove, oven, and microwave didn’t work, (UPDATE: microwave now works! Oven and stove are still useless) • Neither do any of the outlets in the kitchen, including the one for the refrigerator : | We found a work around for that but MAN. REALLY. FUCKING REALLY.

• The thermostat is fascinating, terrifying, and I may have tamed it. Don’t let it know though, it will rebel against me.

• The gas??? Works??? Doesn’t work??? Isn’t turned on yet??? Who knows

• There is no room in my room for a desk • There is no room in my room for ANYTHING • But I get a huge queen size bed and a semi-office with a view (pics later) so… bonus

• WEdnesday there was an AWFUL snowstorm, wish I could have taken pics for y’all looked AMAZING, but it’s all melted now • This snowstorm was SO BAD the power went out. All over the city in small pockets. Schools called off. We got power back soon, but that was BALLS for awhile, on top of our new electrical problems, ha ha, funny how those followed us >>

• Installing cable is WAY easier said than done. Especially after a power outage. Especially in a rental. So I should have net tomorrow but WHO THE FUCK KNOWS (UPDATE: we got net tomorrow, LATE tomorrow, but nonetheless. Today. I mean today.)

• Despite having, apparently, a 50 gallon water heater, I had 5 minutes of hot water for my shower this morning followed by the Pacific Ocean in March. I had flashbacks to swimming lessons at 8 am in October. This may or may not be linked to the electricity and gas issues.

• Current situation: no cable, no wifi, no landline, only cooking ability is microwave, may be able to do laundry, no hot water for shit (UPDATE: have wifi, a microwave, laundry had a crisis this morning, resolved now, but CRISES. NEVER. CEASE. I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I CAN WAKE UP AND I DO NOT HAVE TO BUY SHIT, REPLACE SHIT, BUILD SHIT, FIX SHIT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THE STRESS IS UNREAL) • 75% of these things SHOULD be fixed tomorrow, but we’ll see… (UPDATE: Um... 25% got fixed. About par for the course.)

• I am CONGESTED AS FUCK. I think I may be allergic to smoke. I don’t seem to have a cold, even though I have pain in my throat and ears. I’m worried prolonged exposure to smoke has given me a real bad reaction. I keep blowing my nose every 5 seconds to relieve the terrible sinus pressure, but nothing comes out. (UPDATE: still congested, but less with less pain and lethargy. Let’s hope it’s just stress)

• Also: we live next to a herd of urban deer, no joke, about a dozen of ‘em (if it has been two stags I WOULD LIVE HERE FOREVER, HOT WATER BE DAMNED) so pics, of course, when I can (UPDATE: there is apparently a 16 point buck who leads the herd who ONLY COMES OUT AT NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT DIS MEANS? AWWWWWW YEAH SWIGGITY SWAG MOTHERFUCKERS! I love this locale even if EVERYTHING ELSE IS TERRIBLE)

• Also also: we live next to a herd of feral cats. I do not intend to approach them, unless so directed by people smarter/better at cats than me (I ain’t great with the house-sitting domesticated ones, kinda thinking I shouldn’t invite trouble)

I promise, picks from the views from my office ASAP. Hell, pics of me so you don’t worry about my health too much ASAP. Fics ASAP. I have so much shit on my plate, it is ALL I can do to remember it all, prioritizing is asdfjkhkjsdfhkjsd. I broke down today after being kindly reminded how I have to: get a job, get exercising, reenroll at school and HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS WITHOUT EVEN HAVING INTERNET AVAILABLE.

So life has just been a fucking fun ride filled with gum drops and candy canes. I am about to call Biblical 9 plagues shit if anything else happens because CHRIST ALMIGHTY WHAT EVEN. MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN COULD NOT ONE THING BE EASY AFTER THAT. My recommendations: do not, under any circumstances, allow your house to burn down. No matter how shit your house is, the universe will absolutely beat your butt about it for the rest of eternity.

Toodle fucking pip, y’all.

OH! P.S.! I almost forgot, I have an address AND a P.O. box now! Message me if you want them to send me shit! Also, if I have given the impression I now live in the boonies, I ASSURE you I do not. I live across a state highway from a strip mall. I just... happen to be around people who want to pretend they live in the boonies. Just fyi.

The ‘People Who Probably Want to Know I’m Alive’ Squad: