#findyourinnerlight

I sit in a hospital room. I'm in a recliner that's to the left of my mother's hospital bed. This has been my perch for a little over two weeks now. She's fighting. Making some progress but it's highly likely that things will never be the same.

 I'm trying to prepare myself for it but how prepared can you be for something that has no particular end date? Can you really be prepared for a heartbreak, even when you know it's coming? The doctors are talking palliative care. In home hospice care where a nurse will be around for 4 hours a day and 4 days a week. The rest of the time will be all on me. I welcome the help. This is a lot to handle on my own but by the grace of God, I have been doing my best.

She's 7 years post cancer diagnosis and treatment. We're approaching 3 years since I left my job to care for her full time. 3 years since her last hospitalization. Two weeks ago, she was barely speaking. Now she's all "good mornings" and "I'm fine thank yous" to the nurses whose voices she recognizes. Other times she says nothing. I tell myself she may not like the person asking the questions. I know, though, that my mom is tired.