#findthis

I got tumblr ( a year ago??) because its a great source for my monthly fuel of fandom coal.

Guess I'm a bit stress with exam (I think?) and having a sugar rush due to cola (probably, my mind is racing so yess?) so imma post random things here because I can't dump my randomness on my usual victim (because it's exams I can't accidently sabatoge their progress) and I'm pretty sure no one could track me in tumblr. (I still have some dignity left in me)

13.07.20

I finally got the peace I wanted and well I fell indifferent, I can’t seem to be happy bur at the same time I’m not sad or bothered either. I fell tired and want to sleep but when I go to sleep I just can’t for some reason.

Right now I kinda feel like crying but at the same time I know that won’t help or make me feel better and it makes me angry that I can’t feel anything but the anger right now. I guess I really do need professional help or I just need to learn to be alone again.

I also want to talk to you, I want to tell you that I’m sorry and I want to tell you that I really haven’t stopped loving you even after all these years. I hate it and I hate that I love you. I don’t want to love you, I honestly wish we never met all those years ago. I hate how it seems that you are my destiny and how you and I are always going to be connected. I wish that since I never not want to know about you, I want to be able to see you and talk to you once in a while but that’s it. I wish you would reach out even though it should be me that does that.

I wish you could somehow find this and know it was for you.