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Religious judgment can make it tough for poly people to find a welcoming space. But we believe everyone deserves spiritual inclusion! Let’s create a community that celebrates our diverse identities and experiences. Have you felt this struggle? Share your story or thoughts below—we want to hear from you! Don't miss out on this vital conversation!
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The God I Didn’t Know
“They said I should be scared of doing things I know you don’t like. Saying sorry every day, Because I was so afraid That you’d leave me, so I left you, chasing dreams I never found.”
Olivia Lane; Who I Thought You Were
This is the relationship I had with God.
Growing up, I was taught about an angry God—a "Hell, Fire, and Brimstone" God. A God who would smite anyone who did wrong. Who would bar you from Heaven for even one misstep. A God who brought down consequences swiftly and severely for the smallest mistake. There was no grace, no mercy. I grew up fearing God. He was the “stern father” figure—no-nonsense, abrasive, and never had to explain anything.
(I sometimes wonder if this was a “scared straight” tactic passed down by the Southern Baptist Convention to keep us in line, but that’s a story for another day.)
In college, I found myself in places I never thought I’d end up, with people I never thought I’d meet. But it was fun. It was one of the first times I felt like myself—seen, understood, like I belonged. And I suppose that’s what a life of sin offers: fun, belonging, acceptance. But with the image of a wrathful God in my mind, I figured I had no place with Him anymore. So I left before He could leave me.
Most of my twenties were spent in bars and at parties, surrounded by chaos and in relationships that only led to pain. Sure, I made incredible friends, and I have wild stories that sound like scenes from a movie. But, truthfully, much of that time was filled with heartache, loneliness, and confusion. It was a paradox—some of the best times of my life, but also some of the worst.
Looking back, I realize I spent much of that time searching for something I was never going to find.
At one of my lowest points, I didn’t know where else to go, so I went to church one Sunday morning. It was a place I hadn’t stepped foot in for almost 10 years—a place I’d been running from. But I needed somewhere to hide, somewhere I could be vulnerable and fall apart. So I found the biggest church I could and sat in the back row.
I didn’t go looking for God. Why would He want anything to do with me? A party girl who made one mess after another, someone who ran from Him before He could reject me, like breaking up with someone before they could break up with you.
But I kept showing up, Sunday after Sunday, alone. And I just sat there and cried. For almost a year, I kept coming back.
And as I showed up, God showed up. Slowly. He never rushed, never pushed. I never felt shame or judgment. Week by week, I started to learn who God really was. He wasn’t angry or harsh; He was kind, loving, patient, and forgiving. He was the warm hug, the gentle hand on my shoulder. He never lectured me; He gave me space to hear who He truly was.
He showed me grace, mercy, and forgiveness—long before I even asked for it or deserved it. But He extended it anyway.
I’m so grateful that God never gave up on me, even when I had given up on Him. I’m thankful for the patience He extended as I found my way back to Him.
But most of all, I’m grateful that the God I was taught to fear is not who God truly is.
I’m living proof that God will leave the 99 to find the one. He wants you. He wants you in His fold. He wants a relationship with you.
You are never too far gone for God.
#congregational #prayers continues 02/13/19 @hofarlington led by @pastorropo #biblestudy #findingfaith #mansfieldtx #okc #dfwtexas #irvingtexas #colleyvilletexas #arlingtontexas #duncanvilletexas #desototexas https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt2BtiHhtes/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9ohqdetx02wy
“Finding Faith In a difficult Season” is a time for Miracles, Healing, Salvation and prophetic impartation. March 30th - 31st at Hilton Baltimore BWI Airport Hotel. 1739 West Nursery Road, Linthicum Maryland, 21090. Watch video for more details. Host Prophet Eric Okauru is waiting to welcome you, family and friends. #findingfaith #miracles #healing
“Finding Faith In a difficult Season” is a time for Miracles, Healing, Salvation and prophetic impartation. March 30th - 31st at Hilton Baltimore BWI Airport Hotel. 1739 West Nursery Road, Linthicum Maryland, 21090. Watch video for more details. Host Prophet Eric Okauru is waiting to welcome you, family and friends. #findingfaith #miracles #healing @kia_valo
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April 19, 2017 // My sophomore year of college has definitely been an experience I'm incredibly thankful for and one that I'll never forget. I’ve been blessed with friendships that I never thought I would. However, it has really robbed me of something I have always prided myself on: my relationship with God. Before, I attended church pretty regularly. I have been going back and forth for a few years now. My family has never been super religious, but my parents instilled in me Christian values and always taught me that God loves me no matter what. Well, to be quite frank, the past few months I have never believed that statement to be farther from the truth. Between the declining health of family members and my own health deteriorating by the second, I can't help but feel a little abandoned. I hate to have that "why me?" attitude, but really, why me? Why now when I have exams and homework and more stress than I've experienced in my entire life knocking on my door? Why add in a few more blows when I already feel like I've hit rock bottom? I know that God never gives us more than we can handle, but man sometimes I feel like he severely overestimates my stress threshold. This semester has brought up new challenges in my life: problems I never thought I would face again, and have no idea how to solve. If you know me at all, you know the worst thing in the world for me is when I feel helpless. I feel like my duty on this planet is just to fix everything and everyone, so when I can't fix something, I think the world is crashing down. I contribute the majority of these instances to the fact that I've drifted so far away from God. Instead of taking time to myself to really enjoy life, I've been doing what I think I should be doing as a college sophomore. This year has changed me from this carefree, life-loving girl who didn't care about anyone else's opinion to a person that is struggling everyday. I have turned into the kind of girl that I hate, but it's not too late for me to reverse the damage. I know that God has not abandoned me. I have turned my back on him. You know that saying "you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped?" Well that definitely applies to God helping you along in your life. He cannot provide you with the guidance you need unless you are actively seeking him and turning to him for help. I been looking and praying and seeking him, but I still feel so empty. We are not meant to face this life alone. We need a little help along the way every once in a while. Stop turning your back on God and ask for his help, because with his hands working in your life everything will be better.
Yes, agreed! Reading "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin" #wisewords #findingfaith #hopeforsucess #sourceofsuccess #creditwhereitsdue
Finding Faith in Mankind
Every now and then I see something that makes me question my faith in mankind. Today is one of those days. But I'm stubborn. I realise that miserable people throw their misery around and reach for compassion and learning. There's no point shouting at the darkness. The trouble is that 100 things can go right but we focus on the one thing that goes wrong. A gratitude practice helps us to change that. By taking time to list out everything we are thankful for we can take our focus off the negative things in our life and refocus them back to the positive. Here's my gratitude list for today: 1. I walked the 1000 steps in the Dandenong Ranges in Melbourne, Australia. It was beautiful. 2. Saw lovely friends I haven't seen for a while and their baby. 3. Have had a chilled out afternoon watching some great new TV shows and documentaries. 4. Have discovered a new interest in American history (I live in Australia). I've just spent a couple of weeks on the Roosevelt family and am now learning about Nixon and Kennedy. 5. My family are happy, healthy and well. (Both my husband and son are having an afternoon nap!) 6. Started a new blog just for me. (Yes,this is it) 7. I have friends who are supportive and lovely. (Thank you friends!) 8. Have received lovely messages from people thanking me for my work this week. (I write about productivity and happiness as part of my job as a coach and trainer). This is my personal blog. Thanks for reading!
