January 19th, 2019 //
It’s easy to let yourself depend on others, especially when you’re constantly surrounded by them. It’s easy to have certain expectations of others. It’s easy to get lost and use others to guide you out. They say this is the age of independence, but if you ask me, I’ve never felt more dependent. Dependent on others' strength, on others' opinions, on others' help. Some days it feels as though I’ve forgotten my own strengths, my own opinions, and how to help myself. I’ve forgotten that I can make the right decisions and that I can succeed on my own.
I’ve forgotten that I can pull myself out.
I don’t mean that I can do everything alone, because that’s not true. I live with the mentality that no one has ever done anything completely alone; everyone needs a helping hand to succeed.
It’s a fine line I find myself crossing constantly. I’m always doubting the things I can achieve on my own. I wonder if what I can do on my own is enough, I wonder if I’m enough. So I seek out people that I see as superior for advice that isn’t really advice. It’s me trying to get an answer to a question I haven’t even tried to figure out on my own. It’s me trying to get someone to do the work for me so that I don’t have any reason to blame myself if it goes wrong. It’s me distancing myself from the decision until I have barely any part to play.
Because I’ve convinced myself that my answer sounds better when it’s coming out of someone else’s mouth.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m the only one who feels this way, like I’m the only one who’s convinced themselves that we need validation from others in order to thrive. Ironically, I’m not alone in the idea of not being able to do anything alone. This is an everyday struggle; it’s an uphill climb that never seems to end. Its constant reminders that help is good and help is fine, but help doesn’t mean giving up. It’s forcing yourself to take pride in your work until you believe it, even when it feels mediocre. It’s drawing limits and placing physical boundaries between what friends and family can do, and what you wish they would do.
The reality of this life is that no one is going to live it for you. No matter how hard you try, at the end of the day, you can’t live in fear of what you can and can’t do. You have to do things on your own, unafraid of whether you’re good enough. You should do things the way you want and really believe that it’s the best way to do them – really believing that you’re the best person to do them. You have to have faith in your choices and faith in yourself, because if you don’t who will? Who’s going to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself first?
We have the strength and we have the power to pull ourselves out of the darkest places. We have the means and the tools to beat our demons. But we won’t see the potential we have when we’re too busy looking at the potential we
could
have if someone did it for us. We won’t pull ourselves out if we’re too busy waiting for someone to reach down first.
