#findingempowerment

Hey again!  H here. I know we’ve posted a lot in the past 24 hours, but boy, it’s been an exciting few days.  I wanted to write about an experience I had last night with a dating app, and figure out where I should go from here. 

To start off with, I hate dating apps.  I absolutely hate them.  K says they’re good for me to put myself out there or whatever.  BUT, I’m super awkward with talking to strangers online, and I’m not good with the pressure of dating apps.  You’re supposed to be sexy, cool, mysterious, enticing, adventurous, and confident, and you’re supposed to relay these qualities in about 5 pictures and a carefully crafted bio about yourself.  Well, it’s safe to say I don’t possess any of those qualities, so that makes it very difficult for me. I also don’t really want to mess around.  I’m at the point in my life that I want to settle down and have a serious relationship that might someday lead to marriage.  I’m slightly old fashioned, but dating someone means a lot to me, so I’m not doing this to play games and sleep around.  If that’s something you like to do, cool and keep doing it!  It’s just not for me. 

Anyway, I posted some new pics on my dating profiles, and killed some free time I had this weekend swiping left and right on various male profiles.  I matched with some guys on Bumble, and decided I was going to message them, since the girls have to initiate conversations, and the hope that maybe something would come from it.

I got a notification that I guy I messaged had messaged me back, and I was nervous and excited!  Who knows, maybe this one would finally work out?  Well, I was extremely disappointed.  A transcription of the conversation is written below: 

Me: “Hey, how’s your weekend going?”

Boy: “On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to suck my dick?”

Me: “Lol 0 bye”

Boy: “Dang”

DANG.  He must be so disappointed that he didn’t get better results from that message.  Part of me wants to ask how successful he's been with that approach.  Unfortunately, that isn’t the first time I’ve received a message like that on a dating app, and it probably won’t be the last.  The problem with these messages that continue to flood my inbox is that they make me want to give up. 

I originally wanted this post to be empowering, but if I’m being honest, I’m having a hard time feeling empowered.  I feel discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed, and I wonder if the multitude of those types of messages amount to my worth.  I’m extremely tempted to delete my dating apps, say “fuck love”, and be done with it.  However, if I do that, I’m wasting time being alone and not trying to find my person.  Finding love is hard, finding a decent person to spend time with is hard, and getting over your insecurities and problems to put yourself out there is FREAKING HARD.  Despite how hard it is, I know what love has done for me and for those around me, and I know it’s worth the hardships.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it suck less. 

I don’t have all the answers, in fact, I don’t have any answers.  I don’t know how to brush those messages off and keep going.  I don’t know how to let go of the feeling that I’m just going to keep being disappointed with every match I get.  I don’t know how to remain positive and hopeful with this process.  This shit is hard. 

If you have tips on how to feel empowered through dating app frustrations, good dating apps to use, or helpful tips on how to navigate online dating, let us know.  Our dating culture has completely changed, and we need to support each other if we’re ever going to figure out this whole love thing. 

For me, the quest continues.